Silenced Screams
by Zhaan
Summary: A horrible event from Jack’s past may holds some of the answers to Sam’s abduction and torture.
1. Chapter 1

Silenced Screams

By

Zhaan

Chapter One

Explanation of symbols and codes used in the story:

_Italic writing indicates thinking. A though someone had._

_Flashback will always be in Italic._

Janet continued to putter around the kitchen, doing busy work. The coffee was already brewing and a pot set on the stove warming soup for later. Everything taken care of, she had plenty of time for her mind to wander. _Wander what exactly was going on? What had happened? How it had happened? All good questions and all questions I'm afraid to hear the answers to. It was a sure bet that none of the answers will be good. I feel like I'm standing at the very beginning of a nightmare and I'm totally powerless to prevent it from happening. And it will be a nightmare, that much I'm sure of, the only unknown, just how bad the nightmare's gonna be, and what scars it with leave us all with when this is over._

_It should've been a fun evening. Our regular 'girl's night out' at O'Malley's. It had started with just two or three women meeting to blow off a little stream after working all week in an almost totally male dominated mountain. As time past more and more of the women of the SGC heard of the gathering and slowly our numbers grew. What had been just the occasional night here and there became the high point to many of women's week. A chance to dress up and go out and be treated like a lady one evening a week made it easier to give over the rest of our lives to being just one of the guys. _

_More often than not I'd have to pull Sam away from some test or experiment she'd gotten engrossed in and lost all track of time. But since she was on downtime and barred from the base she wouldn't be able to use that as an excuse. As a matter of fact when we'd talked Friday evening she'd seemed excited to actually have the time to let her hair down for a change. Which was why, I guess, I was a little disappointed when she didn't show. Surely she hadn't forgotten. But she wasn't answering her phone, oh well, maybe she's on her way. _

_After all the designated drivers had loaded their happy passengers up for the night I decided to drop by Sam's to see just what great threat to earth's security had held her up this time. Besides, her house was closer and Cassie was staying the night with friends. So after I've read her the riot act for not showing up, I can just crash there for the night. And that happy thought lasted until I reached the front door of Sam's house. _

_The door was unlocked. At 0230 Sam's front door was unlocked. Not good. Not good at all. I might be an Air Force Officer, but I'm no soldier, I'm a doctor. If Sam was in there I needed to go in , but if someone had broken in then I'd be of no use to her inside. A million different thoughts raced through my head in under a second as I tried desperately to decide which move to make. Slowly moving back down the front steps and behind the brush at the corner of her house I searched blindly through my purse until my hand finally came upon my cell phone. I might not know what to do, but I knew who did. I could trust he'd always make the right decision in situations like these. _

"_O'Neill." Came the gruff greeting._

"_Colonel, I'm at Sam's and her house is unlocked. She was suppose to go out with us, but was a no show. Now her house is open." I whispered trying to give him all the information I had as quickly as possible while squatting behind the brush in the deep snow. From anyone else there would have been a string of questions, a few minutes to come fully wake and process what was being said. From him it went from sound asleep to alert and full soldier mood between one breath and the next._

"_Your position secure?" Was the only response he gave._

"_Yes Sir." I replied starting to shake from the cold._

"_Stay down and call me back on my cell in five. I'll be there in ten." _

_And the line went dead. Watching the hands on my watch slowly creep to the five minute mark I quickly dialed his cell number. He answered on the first ring. _

"_Less than five out, still secure?"_

"_Yes, Sir."_

"_Good, stay on the line and watch for me. I'll park at the end of her block." _

_True to his words four minutes later a shadow separated from a stand of brushes in the next yard as he made his way closer to the house. Making sure he saw me, he motioned for me to hold my position while he investigated. He moved without making a sound, blending with every shadow and slowly moved onto the porch and silently into the house. After only a few seconds I heard him give the all clear and I raced in to find my answers._

_It only presented more questions. _

_The house looked…like it always looked. Not a piece of paper out of place. Sam's laptop still in her briefcase sitting on the couch and a half empty glass of water sitting on the counter. As I moved deeper into the house I met the Colonel coming from the other end where he had completed his search._

"_Bed's been turned back, but no sign it's been slept in. And looks like her pajamas are laid out in the bathroom. Tub is full of water but it's cold now." He continued rattling off everything he'd found. _

"_I'm gonna search the neighborhood…you stay here…lock the doors…she may just be out somewhere." _

_He didn't sound any more convinced than I felt at that last comment. But I guess before we panic and called in a full search it was wise to check it out. Being a doctor I should be use to playing the waiting game, but…'Sam where are you?' He was gone for over an hour…a very long hour. But finally I hear a knock at the back door. Even though I had been hoping for his return I almost jumped out of my skin at the sudden loud noise. Seeing the Colonel's face through the window I hurried to open the door for him. I could see the bundle in his arms was Sam. 'Thank God.' _

"_Sam, are you alright? Colonel is she alright? Where'd you find her?" I continued rattling off questions as I followed him back to her bedroom._

"_She's half froze to death. I found her down the alley out back." He told me as he gently placed her on the foot of her bed. She was starting to come around and was now violently shaking and teeth chattering._

"_Hot shower. We need to get her body temp up…this looks like early stages of frost bite. Sam can you hear me? Do you know where you are? We need to get you into the shower to warm you up. Do you think you can manage that…do you need help? All I got from her was a nod that she could handle it. First things first. Get her body temp back up and something warm in her. She seem to be coming out of what ever trance she'd been in. Where a few minutes ago the Colonel had been fully in charge, now he stood unsure of his next move. Feeling the same way I had earlier. _

"_Colonel could you please get my bag from the car. I'll examine her as soon as we take care of warming her up. We both left the room as Sam began slowly removing her shoes. While the Colonel went to retrieve my medical bag I went to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee and heat up a can of soup._

Janet was shaken from her musing by the bloodcurdling screams coming from Sam's bedroom. Jack had just walked back in with Janet's medical bag when Sam let fly a scream to wake the dead.

Even though Janet was closer, somehow Jack made it to Sam first. What he found froze him to his spot, framed in the doorway to Sam's bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

A/N: I guess I should have mentioned at the beginning of chapter one...I'm new to thisand aside from not being a writer...therefore not very good a telling this story, I am also having to learn how to load these things on the various sites. Please hang in there I am trying my best. Also any suggestions or thought would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please review and tell me how I'm doing. Again Thank you.

His unexpected stop had Janet plow right into him. So close behind him that she didn't have time to course correct and avoid the 'immovable object' now blocking her path. Bumping into him her nose was smashed into Jack's back. Momentarily forgetting the reason for the 'mad-dash' back to Sam's bedroom she was forced to take a few steps backward as she rubbed her noise and complained loudly about the pain his abrupt stop had caused her. But it didn't take long for her initial concerns to resurface. Even though she was still unable to see into the room Jack's very quiet oath clued her into the seriousness of what lay ahead.

"Oh My God." Was all Jack could get out.

Pushing pass him and getting her first real look at what could cause such a reaction from the Colonel, Janet stood momentarily in shock also at the sight before her.

Sam stood just inside of her bathroom door…every visible part of her body was covered in cuts and bruises. Some fresh, some obviously several days old. And if that wasn't bad enough, she was bleeding. None of the visible cuts seem to be the cause, but the huge stain seem to be spreading, growing larger.

Another scream pierced the air around them while they stood unable to process what their eyes were seeing. It wasn't until she started to crumble to the floor that they were able to move. Jack again moving faster, managed to catch her before she could do any more damage to her already battered and beaten body. He lift and carried her almost nude body to her bed and obeyed Janet's instructions to retrieve her medical bag. Sam was becoming hysterical, showing signs of the pain that had been inflicted on her body. She had to be sedated before Janet could begin her examination. It concerned Janet that Sam had not shown any signs of her condition when she was brought in. But Janet suspected she already knew the answer to that question. A few simple test would answer at least that question. All thoughts of the hot shower and food completely forgotten.

It didn't take long to determine the source of the bleeding and the extent of her cuts and bruises. She needed to be in the infirmary and fast. If it hadn't been for the cold she'd have bleed to death already Janet had informed Jack. Alerting the infirmary to the emergency they loaded Sam into the backseat of the Colonel's truck and broke all the land speed records getting to the SGC.

They were met topside with a gurney and several IV drips which were worked in during the elevator ride down. Her blood lost was becoming critical. After over an hour of surgery and with the aid of Dr. Warner, Sam's condition was stable. Janet found Jack pacing the halls and went to give her full report.

"She's stable Sir. There were contusions and lacerations over most of her body and significant blood loss, but we were finally able to identify the bleeds and it's been taken care of. There was significant bruising on both her wrist and ankle and around her throat. Several bruised ribs but none broken, they'll be sore for a few days. We'll keep her sedated for the next twenty-four hours to give her body a chance to heal." Rattling off the long list of trauma Sam's body had received, Janet paused to gather her strength to deliver the last piece of bad news. Before she could give voice to it Jack spoke up.

"She was raped." The haunted look in his eyes spoke of past memories he was also reliving.

"Yes Sir. There was considerable trauma and bruising on the inner thigh area and…it's not as bad as we initially thought. She should be okay in a few days." Trying to add a positive spin to the bad news.

"Physically… okay in a few days." He corrected her. Slumping down in the chair beside Sam's bed.

"Yes Sir."

"We've got a team going over her place now, to see if they can find some answers." He informed Janet bring her up to date from his end.

"You should eat and get some sleep Sir, I promise I'll call you if there's any change." Janet offered, knowing it would fall on deaf ears.

"Just…gimme a minute." Came the mechanical reply as he took one of Sam's hands in his, his thumb absently rubbing a spot near her own thumb.

Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder Janet spoke just above a whisper. "I'm sorry Jack." Before leaving him to his solitary vigil.

Flashback

…_Finally, finally the mission was finally over. As missions go this one had turned out to be a 'piece of cake', 'text-book perfect' from start to finish. And I've done enough of them by now to have a fine appreciation for that seemingly simple occurrence. Been on some (more than I care to recall) where they started as a nightmare and swiftly got worst. So, I was by no means scoffing at this stroke of good fortune. _

_But I've been uneasy this whole mission. Hell, long before this mission. Days…no weeks now. For weeks it's felt like I'm just one step away from total disaster. My nerves stretched beyond the breaking point and still being pulled. I have the feeling I'm being watched…no…studied…studied like a bug under a microscope. I've already driven everyone crazy with that theory weeks ago. Even insisting Sahara take extra precautions, change her patterns, stay home or with one of the guys or Janet at all times. But whether it was because of the extra measures or my paranoia, nothing has happened and everyone has humored me long enough. Time to get back to a normal life and lose the cloak and dagger routine. But, the feeling hasn't passed, only grown worse. It was almost a relief to be out in the field again. At least there the feeling goes away, some. At least there I can breath easy and so can everyone else, some. _

_As sad as it is to say I'm sure Sahara had been hoping and praying for a mission to come up for that weekend. She and her friends had big plans for the weekend which would be severely cramped with big brother hanging around keeping watch. I could practically see her jumping for joy when I announced I had a mission. She would surely be able to talk Jan in to saying yes before I could even get in the air, which was why I pulled Jan aside and gave my approval before hand. So with one final kiss on my cheek goodbye she said hello to her freedom. I was smiling to myself thinking about all the wonderful things she'd have to tell me as soon as I came through the door. Well, it would be nice to be home. The mission had been slated for up to two weeks, but as luck would have it we'd finished in only eight days. Ya, definitely 'a piece of cake.' _

_My good mood lasted until I caught a glimpse of the Base CO headed toward the hanger deck where we were off-loading all our gear from the mission. It was absolutely unprecedented having him visit the decks. And since we were the only ones there, it had to mean trouble for one or all of us. Training kicked in and we all dropped our gear and snapped to attention. Not knowing what was going on, but feeling sure follow proper military protocol never hurt any situation Cromwell, Captain and CO of our team stepped forward with his report on the mission. _

"_Sir, mission accomplished." And he snapped off a prefect salute._

"_Yes, yes. Good work men, all of you. Job well done. However…that is not why I'm here. Lieutenant." He turned from one face to the next until he settled on Jack's face, his own face noticeably falling even before he began to speak._

"_O'Neill, my office received word…your sister is in the infirmary. There's a jeep waiting to take you across base just outside."_

_Had he spoken any slower I would've missed most of what he said because at '…sister and infirmary' I started to run. Never even noticing the silent signal by Cromwell for Dixon and Kowalski to follow. The trip across base was a short one although it felt like it took years off my life. Jumping out of the jeep before it stopped and racing through the hospital the guys could barely keep up. Spotting Janet at the end of the hall we all skidded to a halt just barely avoiding barreling her over in our haste._

"_Where is she Jan? What happened? Is she all right? How serious is it?" Everything came pouring out as one continuous stream. Once started there was no end. Months of worry with no target all zeroed in on this one place and time._

"_I'm sorry Jack, I'm so sorry." The fear and guilt she'd been carrying these last few days chose that moment to overflow. Not able to answer with any thing more helpful than 'I'm sorry' she turned and led us all down to Sahara's room. Sue Dixon was momentarily startled when we all barged into the quiet dark room. She had been keep watch over Sahara in Jack's absence._

"_Oh my God." Was all Jack could get out as he stood frozen to his spot, in shock. Dixon and Kowalski weren't fairing much better as Sue fell into Dixon arms seeking the comfort she had needed these past few days._

_Feeling like she was more in her natural habitat Janet easily reverted to her 'doctor in charge' manner and began filling Jack in on what had happened._

"_She was found on the side of the road just outside the base gates two days ago. She was missing for almost 24 hours before that. Jack I'm sorry. She got separated from her friends at the mall and when they couldn't find her they called me. We had the SF looking everywhere for her." Janet knew she was babbling and crying and being very unprofessional, but the tears and guilt wouldn't stop. "I'm so, so sorry Jack." _

_The guilt she felt wouldn't allow her to ask for forgiveness, and made her unworthy to even be in his presence so she quietly turned to leave the room leaving all the family time to console each other. She was no longer worthy to be apart of them. Jack had stood completely immobile through her entire summary, trying to reconcile the battered and beaten body he was seeing with the sister he had left only a few days earlier. As Janet moved to pass him Jack grabbed her hand, finally registering the guilt and pain she must be suffering and pulled the petite woman into his arms._

"_I don't blame you Jan, This is all my fault. I should've been here for her. I was suppose to protect her."_

_After a moment Janet pulled out of his arms gathering her strength to deliver the rest of the bad news. "There's more. There was evident of rape. When she woke a few hours ago she wouldn't allow any of the male nurses near her." Jack closed his eyes trying to process this nightmare. The room had fallen quiet as they all stood trying to absorb the reality of what she must have gone through. Into the silence of the room a small whisper was heard._

_"Jack.?" Jack turned to see two beautiful blue eyes looking up at him._

_"Hey Muchkin, yeah it's me." She started to cry._

_"He hurt me. Why'd he do that Jack? What did I do wrong? Why'd he hurt me so bad?" She said through her tears. It tore his heart out to see and hear her like this. _

_How could he have failed the most important person in his life._

End Flashback

Several times during the day Janet or one of her nurses had come in to check Sam's vitals, always finding Jack slumped in his chair.

"Sir, we finally got some of Sam's test results back." Janet began as she entered the curtained off area. If he heard he gave no indications so she continued. "We found several drugs in her system. GHG and Poly…"

He cut in, not having the patience to go through all the scientific stuff. "Doc, please."

"Sorry, the date rape drug had a high concentration, plus several blood clotting drugs and some very strong pain killers. That's probably why she didn't show any signs of pain when you brought her in…and why we didn't spot the bleeding right off…well, that and the cold temperature. Even with the drugs, she would have bled out in a few hours. The cold weather saved her life…" Not really sure what else she should say she left the sentence hanging.

Not having anything else to say or do Janet turned to leave when she heard him question.

"So, what does all that mean?"

"She probably won't remember much of what happened after the drug was introduced to her system. The combination of several of these drugs would also make her very susceptible to anything they wanted her to do. There's just no way of telling until she wakes up and can tell us Sir."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

It wasn't unusual with SG-1, when one was hurt it was almost impossible to keep the other's away. With both Daniel and Teal'c off-world visiting Bra'tac and Rya'c during their week-long downtime the vigil naturally fell to the Colonel. Even had they been around it would have been nearly impossible to move Jack from Sam's side, at least until she'd regained consciousness. But given the grave reason for her current stay in the infirmary, and that Jack was fighting his own powerful demons from his past, moving him from Sam's side would take more than an act of Congress.

Janet had tried several times during the day as she came and went checking on Sam, between the various other things that occupied her very busy day. With two teams returning with wounded and the emergency surgeries required for them, her day had been more than full. But not all of her patients occupied beds in her infirmary. Colonel Jack O'Neill was currently the patient she was most worried about right now. After finally chasing him out nearly an hour ago with orders to go home and rest, she'd been informed he hadn't left the mountain. Checking his quarters and finding them empty she was starting to worry. Sam's attack had stirred some old demons best left buried in the past.

Enlisting the help of Colonel Dixon, she had sent him on the hunt to locate the Colonel and keep an eye on him. She knew Dixon would understand the situation. Not for the first time realizing they were the last of their family from long ago. A family who's tires were stretched and tested under these same circumstances nearly thirty years ago. Dixon would find the Colonel and he would also understand what he was going through. He would probably be the only one beside her who could help the Colonel.

Janet felt pretty sure Jack had never shared that part of his past with his team. So even if Daniel and Teal'c were available they might not be the best choice in this case. All any of them could do now was wait. Wait for Sam to regain consciousness…wait for the identity of Sam's abductor…wait for a reason why this nightmare had hit them again. And though it was true it had been hardest for Jack, it had hit the whole family hard. Jack might have been Sahara's only blood family, but no blood could be stronger than the family they had formed. Her lost was felt by all. Then and Now.

There was little else Janet could do for Sam now. For now sleep was best for Sam. Tomorrow when she woke up they would have some of their questions answered and Sam could start the long road to recovery. Until then everyone waited. For now rest was the best answer. Rest and prepare for tomorrow. And that was not only what she prescribed for the Colonel, it's also what she prescribed for herself. After one final round, having checked on her full infirmary and one final check on Sam, she gave her night staff instructions and headed home for her first sleep in nearly 48 hours. _'I'm getting too old for these kinda hours.' _A little time with Cassie, a hot bath and a full night's sleep and she'd be ready to take on the world…well, her little corner of it anyway.

It hadn't really taken Dixon that long to find Jack. After discovering he hadn't left the mountain there were only a few places he like to go to be alone. Just Dixon's luck he had chosen the pond at the end of the trail up from the front gate. '_Damn if it wasn't the coldest day of the freaking year. Of course he'd pick this place. And me without even my jacket. God I'm gonna be a damn Popsicle soon. I'll get Doc for this. Just my luck I'll end up with Pneumonia. Boy the things you do for friends.' _

"You couldn't pick a warmer place now could ya? A guy could freeze up here. What is ten degrees here?" Dixon complained.

Jack continues skipping stones across the frozen pond.

"You do know that pond is frozen, kinda hard to skip stones on a lake when it's froze…like I'm gonna be in another few minutes.

"So go."

"Can't Doc sent me…thought I'd be the best suited to keep an eye on you…her words not mine." Came Dixon reply.

"Since when do we have to take orders from her?" Jack complained.

"Since she got the big needles." Dixon commented without skipping a beat.

"Who made her everybody's mother?" Jack all but whining at this point.

"I think she did. Why you wanna challenge her on it?"

"Hell no. You got any idea what she does when you don't mind her?" Came Jack's quick response.

"Ya I remember." Dixon agreed wholeheartedly.

"Scared to death of her too huh?" Questioned Jack.

"Damn straight. She may be small, but don't let that size fool ya." Dixon admitted and Jack nodded his agreement.

The men remained a short time longer in silence, not feeling a need to fill the time with words, just enjoying the silence and peace their surrounding afforded them. It had helped to have someone around who understand him and didn't require him to be anything other than himself. Feeling relaxed and finally able to get that much needed rest 'Doc' seemed to think he needed, Jack decided he'd make one final check on Carter before heading home for the night.

Jack and Dixon stepped off the elevator to total pandemonium. Recognizing the screaming immediately Jack broke into a run, airmen and nurses making a mad dash to clear his path. He entered the Iso Room in chaos. Sam was huddled in the far corner swinging her IV stand at anyone who dared come within striking distance. You could see the blood pouring from the places the IV had been in her arm. She was a wild woman, looking disoriented, scared and obviously still in a great deal of pain. The nurses and aides weren't helping matters. There were too many people all trying to get her attention and reason with her. A sea of 'Major Carter this' and 'Major Carter that' assaulted her from every direction, and she was becoming more distraught with each passing second.

Jack knew he shouldn't have left her, she needed a familiar face to wake up to. This was too much to process in her drugged state of mind. Dashing in with no real plan he took charge of the room.

"Okay, everybody clear the room. Give her a little room to breath. Come on, out." He ordered in his best Commander voice. The others lacking any better plan melted in behind him and slowly filed out of the room leaving Dixon just out of Carter's line of sight, but still ready to help if he was needed.

He could hear Jack's quiet words as he tried to reason with her and assure her that she was safe and would be alright. It was the same voice he remembered Jack using to calm Sahara went the nightmares followed her into her waking hours. Talking to her as through she were a frighten child.

"Sam, come on baby, everything gonna be alright, You're safe now. Nothing else bad can happen to you here. Look at me. You know who I am. I've got ya. I won't let anybody hurt you anymore. Come on baby just look at me. You can do it. See, there's no one around to hurt you anymore. You're safe now. It's just you and me."

He continued on with his soothing words as he slowly approached her, hands held opened and out in front of him. Janet had arrived while he was slowly coaching Sam out of the corner and into his arms. Holding back so she wouldn't startle her she quietly observed from just out outside of the door. He had finally gained her trust enough to surrender her weapon and allowed Jack to approach, just as her body crumbled to the floor. He scooped her up and moved back to deposit her in her bed as Janet and Dixon came to his aid.

Janet and several of her nurses worked on re-inserting Sam's IV's and connecting her to the various machines set to monitor her condition. Through it all Janet kept a steady stream of calming chatter going reassuring Sam that everything would be alright and that she was not going to be harmed anymore. Her voice had a soothing effect and she began to relax and allow the pain medicines to flow through her body, easing some of the pains away.

Jack and Dixon had been waiting outside for Janet to finish her physical examination, making sure Sam hadn't reopened any wounds and caused new damage to her abused body. Almost before Janet could exit the Iso room Jack was pouncing with a thousand questions and accusations. Not wanting to have a scene in the halls Janet allowed him to blow off the stream he would need to after the ordeal they had just witness. When he had finally finished she explained in a much more controlled voiced what had happened.

She had gotten the call before she had even cleared the front gate and had returned as soon as possible. Because of the Naquadah in Sam's blood the sedative she'd been given had worn off sooner that expected. She had be frighten and disoriented and did exactly as training had prepared her. She defended. Now there would be a nurse posted in her room at all times and her medication had been adjusted to prevent a repeat of her earlier performance. They had been lucky, she had been too weak to do herself any real damage and the Colonel's quick response had saved her when her strength finally failed her.

The one thing that was not negotiable, Jack wanted to see for himself what condition Sam was in before he would leave. Feeling it was easier to give in on this one point than to fight, Janet agreed. A few minutes wouldn't hurt and would set his mind at ease. She followed him back into Sam's room.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Notes: Okay guys, somewhere in here I guess I was suppose to list all the standard disclaimers. You know stuff like ...not mine...no money...owned by others. So consider yourselves...disclaimed. Is that a word? Must be cause it didn't earn that wonderful little red squiggly line under it.

Author's Notes: Also just a little about me. This is a first for me. After much hand holding and pushing a very good friend talked me into doing this and kept me on track with it also. So I'd like to add her name as one of the authors, but she won't let me. I did promise I would get around that somehow...Thank you Jami...or...LanaJoy. Which ever you prefer. See a woman of my word. Now any errors or poor writing style, well those are still all mine. Please read and review I'd love to hear from you, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Personally I prefer the good if you're undecided.

Chapter Four

Jack stepped off the elevator feeling worst than when he'd left yesterday. Well, he was worst than he'd been yesterday. Yesterday when he left he hadn't spent an entire night tossing and turning. "Talk about being glad to see the sunrise...boy was I ever.

Beginning of Flashback

_It had been a very restless night...fighting demons I thought I'd buried long ago. Buried almost thirty years ago...when I buried Sahara. I worked hard to bury all that pain and guilt. Locking it away in a deep dark corner never to be revisited. And to a great extent it worked. Sahara tragic suicide had burned away the last of the humanity I possessed. I became all rough sharp hard edges. No more soft spots. No love or compassion or caring. No one and nothing would ever get close to my heart again. That way lay only pain and suffering. Not just for me...for them also. But never again. Never again would I ever fail someone I loved. Never again would anyone get that close to my heart. I bricked it in...locked it behind layer after layer of impenetrable locks, never to be seen again. Sahara had depended on me to protect her and I failed her. Not once, but twice. And it had ultimately cost her, her life. But never again. I will never be that close to anyone every again. _

_I devoted my life to what I did best. What the Air Force had been trying to tell me for years now. I was good for only one thing...killing. In any shape, form or fashion...even when I'm not trying, it seemed I could kill. Sahara was proof of that. Well so be it. Not fighting it anymore. They wanted a killer, I'll give them a killer. _

_Ya, it had taken a few months to come to that decision, but it had been the right thing to do. The memory of that day forever burned into my soul. The day everything changed...everything turned black. She had been on the road to recovery. During better than the doctor's had predicted. Putting all the nightmares and horrors behind her and starting to act like the Sahara I'd always known. Smiling and laughing again. I'd been so unsure about leaving her that first time...afraid of how she'd handle being alone again. Jan and Sue came to the rescue, they had a wonderfully girlie party the whole time I was away. It made the time go by so much faster, made it easier for her. Now she was back. Being home alone didn't scare her anymore. It was a short mission. Just a few days. In and out in twenty-four hours. Then back to base. She had wanted to stay alone this time. Only two nights tops for this mission. She had something to prove. She was strong enough to handle it, so I'd let her try. Oh, Jan and Sue had called to check on her and she was fine, handling everything just fine. And the mission had been an easy one. Much shorter than expected. And unspoken agreement to get in and out as fast as possible so she would be long for too long...we all worried about her, we all took care of her. So the mission was completed ahead of schedule. We returned hours ahead of schedule. Instead of the middle of the night on Friday, it was early evening. Even with the post-mission physicals and reports that had to be filed we were done before dark. Finished for the week with three days downtime slotted to blow off some steam and relax. And a Friday night on top of all that. We were gonna have a ball. I couldn't wait to get home and surprise her with our plans. It would be a party. Everyone was off-duty and it was time for a celebration and Sahara was gonna be right in the middle of it all just like old times. Not wanting to risk her saying no everyone piled into my jeep for our first stop. My house to get Sahara, then on to pick up Sue and by then Jan could catch up with us at the Pub in town._

_Playing and horsing around all the way to my house, the party had already started. We all needed the break, time to relax and just simply have some fun like old times. It was just starting to get dark when we pulled up outside my on-base quarters. A nice little split level house that looked identical to all the other houses that lined both sides of the road in this area._

_Getting to the door I felt my first moment of unease. We lived on base, no place could be safer. But since Sahara's attack several months back she had needed to keep all the doors and windows locked...for her own peace of mind. Tonight the front door was not locked. With that first moment of fear came the next as I took note of the fact that all the lights in the house were out. The house was in total darkness now that the sun had fully set. Another thing that had changed about Sahara since her attack. It wasn't so much that she was afraid of the dark, but more a peace of mind where there were no shadows or hiding places. But now every light was off. That sense of unease blossomed into all our fear in the space of a handful of heartbeats. Whether the guys sensed my unease or read the same inconsistency and subconscious signal of something just not 'feeling right', no one will ever know._

_Trying to remain calm amidst my growing fear i called out to Sahara as I crosses the threshold. No answer. Repeating the greeting even louder still got me no answer. Ingrain military habit kicked in for us all, spreading out and searching the entire house. Kowalshi and I moved upstairs while the others did a room by room search of downstairs. Coming up empty downstairs the guys were gathering to move upstairs when I screamed. Kowalshi was the first to reach the bathroom, but the others were right behind him. The sight that greeted them would haunt us all forever. I set in a pool of Sahara's blood cradling her lifeless body. Her left wrist slit and blood everywhere._

End of Flashback

And now here he was walking that same path again. Scrubbing his hand over his face and through his hair Jack could feel the weight settle on his shoulders...old guilt...old regrets...old pains he'd thought were buried for good.

How could he be there for Carter when he couldn't pull himself out of this hole? Every time he looked at her...it was Sahara all over again. And he knew for certain he wasn't strong enough to walk that path again. He couldn't...wouldn't survive another lost like that. But a part of him knew he must. He owed his 2IC that from her CO even if the man couldn't. He would be what he had become. "The man who took on any mission and returned victorious, regardless of personal cost."

With one last deep cleansing breathe, he squared his shoulders and entered Sam's room. Janet was taking the last of her readings while she talked softly with Sam. She was still feeling the effects of all the sedative they pumped into her in the last twenty-four hours or so. They both looked up as Jack entered the room, Sam tracking his every movement until he pulled up a chair beside her bed along side where Janet was standing. Absently he reached out and took one of her hands and began rubbing circular motion on the back of her hand while Janet continued her questions.

"Do you know what day it is today Sam? Do you know where you are right now?" Janet, ever the level headed doctor continued to test Sam to determine her true state of mind and awareness.

"I'm in the infirmary, I'm not sure of the day. It's was hard keeping track of time. The last I remember was going to bed on Friday night. I don't know…Monday or Tuesday, I'm not sure." Sam tried her best to hold herself together like the good little soldier she had been trained to be. Her voice broke a few times and a tear or two had found it's way down a trail on her face.

"Do you remember what happen to you Sam? Who kidnapped you and why?" Janet continued in a calm conversational voice. Trying to get as much information as she could without causing Sam too much stress. "Do you know where you've been or how you ended up in the alley behind your house?"

"Oh god." She cried as she began trembling, shaking and hyperventilating as the memories began to all come back to her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes:** Okay guys, first sorry I meant to post this earlier, but got sidetracked cleaning house. Anyway, here's Sam's story. Be warned this is her account of what happened to her. Please tell me what you think of my attempt. And this is the last chapter I have written, so the next one may take a few days. Give me some ideas of what you want it to be. Thanks for reading. Zhaan

* * *

Chapter Five

Sam became more and more hysterical as her mind was flooded with image after image of the nightmare she had been living recently. Disjointed flashes, sights, sounds, sensations, thoughts, fears all came rushing at her, each more gruesome than the last. Her training and resolve to be strong all crumbling in the face of the horrors visited upon her. Janet feared she'd be forced to sedate her again if she couldn't calm her soon. The thoughts of what Sam must have gone through sent fresh chills down her spine. The amount of pain and suffering required to reduce someone as strong as Sam to this point frighten her anew, even after seeing the evident of it on her body yesterday. It took the combined efforts of her and the Colonel several minutes to calm her enough to recount her experience and to answer questions. Questions unfortunately that had to be answered.

Eventually Sam felt calm enough to begin. Some of her old spirit and fight even returning as she insisted she could continue. Her monotone voice, totally devoid of any emotion spoke volumes as she attempted to disassociate herself from the nightmares she was describing.

"I got home really late Friday night. There were some test I wanted to complete before I started my downtime, especially since General Hammond said I wouldn't be allowed back on base until after our downtime. I left right after Daniel and Teal'c gated to meet up with Bra'tac and Rya'c, so it was probably around 0100 when I got home. I...I remember...I was gonna take a nice long relaxing bath. I had run the water. I don't remember if I did...no...no...when I started out of the kitchen...down the hall...someone was there...he grabbed me from behind...he held this cloth over my mouth and nose. I tried to fight...then nothing. The next thing I remember...I woke up in this room, more like a cell I guess. The room had a bed and a chair in it. It was all kinda fuzzy, like none of it was real. It didn't make any sense, I felt like I was floating."

"That was the effect of the drugs we discovered in your system." Janet supplied.

Sam gave a small nod as she continued. "I remember noticing I didn't have any clothes on, but for some reason that didn't seem to bother me. Then I heard this voice..." Her eyes again glazed over as she relived what she had been through. "...there must've been some kinda speaker in the room cause I remember thinking he sounded like he was in a tin can. For some reason it was funny. I kept laughing...couldn't stop myself. The room was kinda dark. No windows, the only light, from some where outside of the room. The voice told me to move over against the wall...I got up and moved...that's when I noticed I had no clothes on, but the voice said it was okay. I don't know who he was, I don't remember ever seeing his face clearly. Every time I looked at it, it looked like it was melting and sliding off. All distorted and runny. He gave me a shot of some...thing then everything got really cloudy and fuzzy."

Sam had stopped as though checking information in her head before she could continue. "Then he tied me to this chair. He started talking to me through that speaker thing again. I did something to make him mad, I remember thinking that...that I had done something to make him mad, because he started hurting me. He had this thing that felt like some sorta hose he used to beat me. I was tied to this chair and he was beating me...and talking to me...telling me stuff. I tried to concentrate on his words so I'd know what I did wrong but the sounds he was making didn't make sense...didn't even sound like English. It just sounded like gibberish. But then it changed...I understood the words. He just kept repeating them over and over. He said 'They tell you no one ever gets left behind, but it's a lie. They leave people behind all the time. You've been left behind. Wanna know what they do to the ones who are left behind?'" She spoke in a measured monotone until now, now her words were spoken almost in a sob as she tried and failed to hold her emotions in check. "...He knew my name 'cause he kept saying it over and over again. 'Wanna know what they do to the ones left behind Major Carter? You've been left behind Major Carter.' "

Her voice had changed as she spoke. Going from her monotone detached retelling of events to a choked sob as she fought to hold back the tidal wave of emotions threaten to over take her. It took several long minutes for her to regain her composure before she could continue.

It seem like the more he talked the clearer things became. He continued to beat me with his hose. When I'd pass out he'd douse me with his bucket of ice water. Then he moved on to the thing that felt like a pain stick. Beating me sometimes, shocking me at other times. I could never get a good look at him. The room was too dark. I tried to talk to him...find out what he wanted...who he was, but he just kept repeating... 'You've been left behind Major Carter.' 'Wanna know what they do to the ones left behind Major Carter? All the time beating me and shocking me and kicking me. I tied everything I could to get free but he just kept injecting this...stuff into me then everything would start getting fuzzy and strange, and I didn't have anymore control. He would beat me and make me do... things... things I didn't want to do. And he kept telling me over and over again. 'You've been left behind Major Carter.' 'Wanna know what they do to the ones left behind Major Carter?'"

"Oh my God." She was crying and shaking uncontrollably. Deep heart-wrenching sobs torn from her very soul. The machines monitoring her vitals beeping loudly in the background as Janet and Jack tried to calm her and reassure her that she was safe.

"It's okay Sam. You're safe now. He can't hurt you anymore. Come on, breath deeply. Calm down. Relax it's all over now." Janet assured her with her words and tone while Jack continued to sooth her nerves, rubbing and petting her hand like you would a frighten child. It took several long minutes before the machines quieted and Sam was able to continue.

The next time he drugged me he tied me to the bed. I could feel what was happening, but I was powerless to stop him...just laid there while he tied me down. My body obeyed everything it was told. After he had me tied down he left me. I don't know how long, but the fuzziness was passing, I could think a little, feel the panic start. When he came back into the room he didn't hit me with the hose...he didn't shock me. He said 'Some times they get bored and you have to entertain them.' That's when he started…raping me." She broke down in tears, crying and shaking, not able to continue for a while.

After a while she continued. "Even when he was raping me I couldn't get a good look at his face. It was all distorted, his voice sounded strange. And he kept talking to me. Telling me all the things that would happen to me because I had been left behind. He kept telling me that no one would come looking for me. That no one cared. I'd been left behind so I was on my own from now on." The tears were running a steady stream down her face. The silent evident of the horrors she had been subjected to. Her body the battlefield upon which the war was being waged. The strong Air Force Officer, Major Samantha Carter able to handle any situation and report back to her superiors and the woman, Samantha Carter who had been tortured and rape.

"He raped me over and over again. Always telling me I had been left behind. Telling me what they would do to me and how. Telling me that it was just something to pass the time, something to entertain them. Choking me some times when he would come, choking me until I would pass out. He said 'sometimes they like to experiment and see just what you could take', and he'd rape me with the first thing he could get his hands on. Rough and brutal and full of rage. He would just come in to the room and start telling me what they would do to the ones left behind. Sorta like narrating all the things he was gonna do to me. And he would continue until I had passed out from the pain. I would wake up and he would be gone. Then he would come back and it would start all over again. He never asked me any questions...he didn't want any information from me...he just wanted to hurt me...and keep on hurting me. I don't know what I did so wrong...what I did to make him so mad...to make him wanna hurt me so."

No amount of comfort helped and soon Janet was forced to sedate her again. As the medicine started to calm her down Janet finally asked.

"Sam, how did you finally escape? How did you get away from him? The Colonel found you in the alley behind your house around 0330. You were just laying there in the snow. How did you get there?

"I don't know. I woke up and I was laying in the snow, but I couldn't move. I felt like I was drifting, nothing seemed real, more like I was dreaming. I don't know how I got there. Whether I broke out or was dumped there. We don't ever leave our people behind, do we Sir?" She just kept repeating that over and over again. "He was wrong, we don't ever leave our people behind. We don't ever leaving our people behind." She just kept repeating on every sob over and over again, holding on to Jack's hand for dear life. He could feel the constant tremble slowly start to lessen as she drifted on off to sleep.

Janet sit quietly with her head down, waiting for the rage to start. Busying herself straightening the covers over Sam and deposing of the syringe the nurse had brought Sam's sedative in. She finally took a deep breath and decided to face Jack full on. What she saw froze her to her spot. One hand still held Sam's protective, gently stroking and petting it as you would a frighten child. But the look on his face was pure rage. A barely contained fury set to blow at any moment. She imagined it might be the face that was sent off on missions when they needed a cold calculating killing machine to perform without mercy.

"Jack…" Janet began, but that was as far as Jack allowed before bolting from his chair and turning all his pent up rage to her.

"Don't, just don't. I don't want to hear it." He growled from between clenched teeth, his hands balled into tight fist at his side as he tried to bring some control over all the emotions flooding him now. He stormed out of the room and Janet could hear the various airmen apologizing and clearing him a path.

Shaking her head Janet took several deep calming breaths before following after him at a much more controlled pace. She found him standing at the elevator. It was good that she'd had the for thought to make sure Dixon was nearby. Jack was in no condition to be loose on an unsuspecting population. It was hard for her to control her own rage at the moment, for Jack it would be so much worst.

"Jack."

"Dix I'm about this far away from breaking someone's neck. And right now I don't really care who's. So, just back off, okay."

"Okay, but ya do know drinking right now may not be…"

"Who said I was going to be drinking? I said back off." Jack snarled just as the elevator doors opened. He entered and the doors closed while Janet and Dixon watched.

Dixon looked at Janet. "Now what?" She shook her head unsure the best way to handle things now.

"I honestly don't know. Keep up with him and just don't let him do anything we'll all regret later. I'll clear you as off base with General Hammond. You just keep an eye on him and get him home safe.

He sat in the far corner of...'what was this, his fourth or fifth bar, going over what Sam had told them. Downing one drink after another. 'Hadn't Sahara said something about 'being left behind'? Or was it the alcohol playing with his mind. Were they really similar? Was it possible that the same person who'd done that to Sahara thirty years ago return to harm Sam? No he told himself and shook it off. It's not possible, I'm just seeing things that aren't there.' And he drank. 'It's all in my head.' And he drank. It just wasn't possible. And he drank. It couldn't be true. And he drank.


	6. Chapter 6

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Chapter Six

Dixon had been at this all day long. He had no doubt he'd been to every bar and penny ante dive in the entire town. He had been searching at least six hours. It was already getting dark. The snow had started to fall again about three hours ago. All the streets freezing over again as the temperature dropped well below freezing. He'd run out of places to search. He really hated to report back to Janet that he hadn't been able to find Jack after searching all day long, but he was completely out of ideas. There was just simply no place left to search. He never knew there were so many Bars in The Springs. The question just kept knocking around in his head..._'If I were Jack where would I go? Where would I go to drown my sorrows?' _And again he got the same answer he'd been getting all day. Any place he damn well wanted. He was Black Ops trained, if he didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be. It was as simple as that.

He'd seen the look on Jack's face as those elevator doors closed. Not good. Not good at all. Dixon didn't think he had ever seen Jack that bad. Even after Sahara death it hadn't been that bad. He didn't know the particulars of what had happened this morning in Carter's room, but he'd seen the look Jack wore when he'd gotten off the elevator this morning...he'd wrestled with his demons all night long. He was a man on the edge before he went in. He'd heard some of the crying, sobbing, the loud beeping of the machines while he and Doc talked to Carter. He'd thought he was prepared, after all he'd been down this road before. But he wasn't. Not even close. When Jack finally came out of that room almost three hours later he didn't even look like the same man who'd gone in. And that man had been bad enough. Now Jack was the 'walking dead'. He was beaten. He'd slipped over the edge. He was a man out to end his misery anyway he could. And his life had given him ample opportunity to perfect that particular art.

_Jack's on a slow slide to self destruct just like he had been after Sahara's death. He was beating himself up over things he had never had control over from the beginning. He made himself shoulder all the guilt and responsibility for every wrong committed. He wasn't very good at sharing that burden, he played the role of martyr too well. He hadn't always been that way. Even after Sahara's attack he hadn't been that bad. We were all a family, we shared...we supported each other...we leaned on each other...because we knew that we were stronger together than apart. Jack knew that back then, he knew how to lean on his friends. But that all changed the day we found Sahara's body. Nothing and no one was ever the same again. Hell, Sue and I almost broke up over it. It was like she held all the things good and pure within herself. And with her passing...well, she had been our glue. The team feel apart. Everybody had their own demons to fight. Everybody had their own guilt to shoulder. _

_And for Jack, Jack was the worst. He fell into drinking, and I mean drinking a lot. I don't think he had a sober moment for months. But ultimately the pull of the military won out...but only to a point. They had been hounding him for years to transfer out of Special Forces and into Black Ops and I suppose in his own warped mind that was the solution Jack thought would end all his suffering. He was one step away from a dishonorable discharge when he was offered a position with a Black Ops team. He took it...and it sealed his fate forever. They weren't interested in what was best for him, only how efficient he could be at killing. And he was the best. He took risk, he gambled and pushed farther than any other. He buried himself in his new life. Cut us all out of his life and became exactly what Uncle Sam wanted him to become. His skills were second to none. He became cold, and hard and heartless._

_But he wasn't the only one. We all changed I suppose. Cromwell moved on the Black Ops, putting his life on the line over and over again. Earning promotion after promotion and praises from all the powers that would deny his existence if he were ever caught. Same as Jack. It took Kawalshi a bit longer to fall to that path, but fall he did. I would've followed also I suppose...if it hadn't been for Sue. I could understand their reasoning, their need to pay for their inability to protect our most innocent. I would have followed. I would have. _

_Our family fell apart, our combined quilt too much to bear together. Everybody set to self destruct as fast as possible. I always suspected that Jack had wanted to go the path Sahara had gone...eat a bullet and put and end to it all. But some part of that Irish Catholic upbringing stayed his hand. Black Ops gave him that chance. His exploits in the field became legendary, daring, skin of your teeth victories. But ultimately it wasn't meant for him to die that way and he was forced to go on with his life. To go on living even if his reason for living was gone. He became cold and hard and uncaring for anything but his mission. But he survived. He even learned to love again...finally. But even that was not meant to be it would seem. _

_And now this. _

Dixon decided to make just one more run before giving up and heading back to the mountain to report his failure. He'd check Jack's place. Knowing that would be the last place Jack would go because he would reason it would be the first place anyone would look for him. But he'd checked everywhere else. Some places more than once. As he drove by his mouth fell open. "Well, I'll just be damn." He cursed himself such a fool. "Damn, I shoulda known better." He continued to rail against his own stupidity. Parked nicely in his own driveway was Jack's truck, obviously having been there all day, if the amount of snow covering it were anything to go by. Of all the places he'd searched all day long, the one place he'd neglected had been Jack's home. He kicked himself again as he pulled up behind his truck and killed his engine. _'I should kick his ass all the way back to the mountain for making me drive all over town for nothing.'_

His front door wasn't locked and in Dixon's present mood that was a good thing. _'It would serve him right if I kicked his door in anyway.' _He found Jack sitting at his dinning room table, a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and a table full of pictures spread out before him. From the looks of things he had been at this for several hours. He didn't even bother looking up as Dixon made his way on into the room and pulled up his own chair. Dixon spotted a couple of empty bottle of Jack Daniels near his kitchen trash can and several boxes of old scrap books and other memorabilia in the other chairs around the table.

"What took you so long. Grab a glass, I started without ya."

For someone who'd been drinking all day Jack seemed remarkably sober as he moved from one photo to the next. Just as he figured, the table was covered with picture after picture of Sahara and Charlie. Everything from some of the baby pictures he remembered from that lifetime ago right up to their clowning around while Sahara and her date tried to look serious all dressed up and ready to go out to her first Prom. Pictures of a little boy who was the spitting image of Jack right down to that silly smirk on his face. Holding one picture particularly close to his chest Jack drained the last of his current bottle and moved to replace it with the next one sitting in row to be used. He exchanged the photo for one of the many trophies Sahara had won, it looked like the first place award she'd won at the 'Science Fair'.

Before he knew it they were laughing and exchanging stories of that much happier time. It was impossible to talk about her even all these years after her passing and not feel the warmth and joys that so defined her life. She had been everyone's little oasis in the middle of a desert. That's what her parents had always told her. Nine years of every doctor telling them she was barren, unable to have more children. _'As barren as the Sahara one doctor had said.'_ And then along came their little angel. And so she had been named.

And just as fast as the laugher had started, it ended.

"You can't drink this problem away, Jack" Dixon stated into the quiet that had gathered around them.

"Ya, tell me about. I've been trying all day. It's no use." The room was heavy now with his surrender, where minutes ago it had been light and airy. "I can't do this again Dix. I can't fail somebody else. I can't lose anyone else. You don't know what it's like."

"Like hell I don't. She was as much my kid sister as she'd been born that way. To all of us. We were all a family. We all lost her. We all failed her. So don't you dare sit there and act like we didn't. You Doc and me, we're all that's felt of that family. We've buried the rest. So get your hands out of your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Don't let Carter be the next."

"This your idea of how to make someone feel better?"

"Ya, you want sweet words, buy a freaking card."

"You need to get your shit together Jack. You can't do anything about the past...but you can be here for Carter now. You gotta pull yourself together, you just gotta do it. Cause if you don't...and she don't make it...well it will be your fault this time. Can you live with that?"

Dixon couldn't be sure if he'd gotten through to him or not, but there wasn't much more he could do. He didn't do that emotional shit. Hell, he was a Marine...suck it up and keep going. He didn't have anymore words for him, no miracle answers that would make everything all better. What ever that was would have to come from into of Jack. He could only hope and pray that it was still there, because God help them all if he lost her too.

They continued to sit at the table, going through all the pictures and memories they'd shared, even getting Jack to tell a little about Charlie...not much, that subject it seemed was still too painful. Dixon was a father four times over, he could understand that. And quite frankly if it had been him who lost a child he was pretty sure he'd have eaten a bullet right away. Jack had a strength he didn't even realize, he just needed to be shown it was there. Dixon wasn't sure he had shown him, he could only hope. But he felt better.

Sometime before day, after they had both collapsed from drinking and reminiscing Jack came out all showered and shaved and announced he was heading back to the mountain to check on Carter. Maybe, just maybe he had tamed at least one or two of his demons, at least enough to function. Only time would tell for sure. But that was alright, they were use to living life one minute at a time, Jack could do that now. Just one minute at a time until he'd gotten through.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Jack had arrived back at Sam's room somewhere around 0400...she'd been asleep...that was good...it was to be expected. He hadn't wanted her to be awake yet. Truth was he still had too many demons to be able to look her in the eyes just yet. But he had needed to see her. She grounded him...

grounded him much as Sahara had. And right now he needed that desperately. Oh, he was well aware he was suppose to be the strong one now...to get her through this, but...right now, before it all started over again...he just really needed her to be there for him.

It had scared the hell out of him just how much he needed her. And it had come as a complete surprise that he did need her. He wasn't even sure exactly when it had become that way. Oh there was no doubt that he had feeling for her...no doubt that he cared about her...more than he was suppose to...but needing her? Now that, he hadn't even considered. He'd thought all those 'softer' emotions had been burned away when Sahara had died. But like any specter from your dark past it had come back to bite him when he'd met Sara. Dix had said she remained him of Sahara, so full of life, joy and excitement of everything...life was just one adventure after the next. They even looked similar with the same big beautiful blue eyes and blond hair, eyes that sparkled with the wonderment of even the smallest thing. Even their names were similar. He'd let his guard down for just an instant with her and was forever lost afterward. Who knows maybe, he thought, 'maybe, just maybe, I've paid my dues...maybe, just maybe, there was some happiness due to me...to even me.' And for a time it had been so. But like everything else good in his life...it was not meant to last. And like everything else in his life...it had not lasted. And like everything else in his life...it ended in disaster. Someone he loved...gone. Someone he couldn't bear to loose...lost. His reason for going on...gone. And so, like before, he fell into despair. And so, like before, Uncle Sam was there to pull him out and send him back out to pay his price.

And just like before he had allowed them in. He had started to care...to believe that maybe, just maybe, there was some happiness due to him...to even him. And now he knew...he knew for sure that it never had been...that it never would be...that he was never due...happiness. Some people were...he was not.

But even that would not remove the duty...the duty he owed his team. And he owed them all. But especially he owed Sam. If only she hadn't come into that briefing that day. So full of life, joy and excitement of everything...life was just one adventure after the next. They even looked similar with the same big beautiful blue eyes and blond hair, eyes that sparkled with the wonderment of even the smallest thing. Even their names were similar. If only she hadn't found away under or around all his carefully built defenses, she wouldn't be laying here now. There was absolutely no doubt in his mind that he was the reason. Anyone and everyone whoever got close to him suffered. And now Sam ...was paying the price.

He wasn't sure of the time. He had sorta drifted in and out...the effects of all his drinking he supposed. But he had stayed...been there when the nightmares fought even the heavy sedatives to invade her sleep. He had held her hand, comforted her until she slept untroubled. He had stayed until he could hear the shift change outside her door. More people moving around the halls of the SGC. The nurse who'd come in to check her said she was doing much better. Probably another side effect of the naquadah in her blood. She had slept, and that was the best medicine for her right now. The nurse had come again, said it was time to bath her, change some dressings and ask that he leave. He hadn't wanted to go, hadn't wanted to ever leave her side again but, it would only be for a short while the nurse had said. Get you a cup of coffee and we'll be finished by the time you return she'd said. And so he'd found himself wandering the hall of the SGC counting the minutes until he could return.

When he finally returned the nurse was just leaving Sam's room. He entered to a very wide awake Sam in conversation with Janet. Janet looked up and met his eyes, she could see that haunted look staring back at her, but somehow it didn't seem as bleak as it had yesterday. Maybe, just maybe, he had tamed a few of his demons. She left to give them a few minutes of privacy. Sam had been facing away from the door when he had entered but what ever sixth sense they shared had tuned her in to his presence and had her turning sharply to meet his gaze. You could see her body visibly relax just having him near. She would forever blame it on the medication or the trauma she had been through that she voiced her need to have him near.

"You weren't here when I woke up." It was a statement, but her eyes ask the rest of it... 'Why?'.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that, but they needed a few minutes with you, I've been around." Without giving any thought to the gesture he sit, reached to take her hand. Sam involuntarily tensed and withdrew slightly from the touch, not wanting to hurt him but unable to fight her bodies natural reaction to a man's touch. Instantly she saw the hurt, but was powerless to correct or even change her reaction.

Jack could see the moment of pure fear cross her face at his touch and he immediately jumped off the bed and backed away from her. This all seemed so familiar, she was laying in her bed staring at him as if he had been the one to do this to her. He had seen that exact same look in Sahara's eye when he had tried to console her. But it had never been as bad as what he was seeing in Sam now. She was beginning to shake from the fear flooding her mind. Jack moved swiftly to the door and called to Janet, before Sam could have a full panic attack. He rushed out as Janet rushed pass him and straight to Sam's side, taking her hand in hers and speaking soft reassuring words to calm and sooth.

Sam was crying and trying to get Janet to understand that she hadn't meant to hurt the Colonel when she pulled away from him. She had asked for and wanted to see him. The reaction had been involuntary. Her mind understood what had happened to her and knew the Colonel could and would never do such a thing to her. He would gladly lay down his life to have protected her, but for some reason her body did not seem to be taking orders from her very logical brain. And that misfire in her brain had caused the Colonel pain. Pain she had caused.

The only comfort Janet could give was that it would all take time. It would take time. Somethings could not be rushed, could not be reasoned through with a logical brain or a refusal to deal. Somethings could only be healed with time. But knowing that and living it were two totally different things. There would be a lot more night before they all emerged into the day.

Which is why Janet was not surprised to find Sam had busted out of her infirmary and hide out in her lab with the doors closed and a sign on the door, four days later. There hadn't been much internal damage done by her rape but Janet had insisted she needed to remain in the infirmary for observation. She understood Sam all too well. She would think that her logical mind and military upbringing would serve her in good stead through this. She would bury it and return to work and when she least expected it, all the emotions and trauma would hit. It was the process required of her ordeal.

"Sam?" Janet questioned as she came into the lab.

"Janet." You could hear and see the surprise that she had been caught so quickly.

"Janet I just can't lay around in the infirmary for the rest of my life. I have a job to do. I promise I'm fine. If I have any problems I promise I'll come see you."

Almost before she could get the words out a whirlwind that was Daniel came flying in… talking a mile a minute and buried Sam in a bear hug.

"My God Sam, what happened? Teal'c and I just this minute got back and Jack said you were in the infirmary. Why aren't you in the infirmary? I checked and they said…they said… Sam are you are right? What happened?"

Daniel hadn't stopped to breath and hadn't released his hold on Sam. It was easy to see the panic raising as he continued to babble on his concern.

"Daniel!" Janet finally shouted. "Daniel, she can't breath. Calm down, just give her a minute.

By the time any of that registered Sam was in a full panic attack, shaking and crying like she had not allowed herself thus far. And as necessary as Janet knew it could be for her, she also knew Sam would never want her friends to witness it.

Seeing Sam so distraught only made Daniel want to hold her even more. He move to encircle her again just as Teal'c moved into the room.

"Major Carter is there a problem?"

Janet was thankful to see Teal'c strong stoic presence enter the room. A few more minutes of Daniel's well meaning babbling and she'd have to sedate Sam.

"Teal'c, thank you. Can you take Daniel and wait in my office. Give Sam and I a moment please."

You could already see the question getting ready to come from Daniel, bless his non military little heart. His concern was genuine but was most often out of place with the military life of everyone around him. Teal'c simply bowed and placed his massive hand on his friend's shoulder and led him out and down the hall. When they were out of range Sam was finally able to pull herself together, some. After a protracted wait Sam blew out a cleansing breath and pronounced herself fine.

"Let's do this and get it over with." And she turned and headed toward the door.

"Sam."

"Janet. I'm fine. Daniel just surprised me. I could never be afraid of Daniel. And we both know my entire team has to be told, so…let's get it out of the way, then I can get back to work. I've got test I'd like to get run today. I'm fine Janet, really." And she was gone, marching down the hall like she own the world. Her head held high, she was in charge.

Janet had offered to explain, to tell Daniel and Teal'c, but Sam wouldn't have it. She was fine and she could handle it. She was not traumatized and she would not hide. She would deal with this and put it behind her and go back to work. She had a job to do.

"That's pretty much everything I remember. I woke up in the infirmary. But I'm fine now. And I'm sorry Daniel you just caught me off guard it won't happen again. You don't have to walk around on egg shells around me. I'm fine. Now I've got some test I'd like to get finished this evening so I can be rested for our briefing in the morning."

"Not gonna happen." Jack told them. "You're off active duty until you're cleared. You can work in your lab but that's it."

"Off active duty….cleared? There's nothing wrong with me Sir. Janet has cleared me. I'm fine and I can do my job." Sam was confused and a little mad that he would do this to her and in front of the rest of the team. But before she could say any more he was talking again.

"I'm sure you can Carter. But you're gonna have to deal with this sooner rather than later. And until you do…"

"But…"

"New Flash Carter. You were raped." He said almost screaming at her. "That's not business as usual. It takes nothing away from you. The fact that you're a damn fine soldier and the person I'd want watching my six any day. But you're gonna see someone, you're gonna deal with this and not lock it away in some goddamn room to come back and bite you in the ass later." He had gone from screaming at her to a voice that was reasoning. Like he was trying to explain something that was simple for him, but she just refused to see. He wasn't gonna fall for that a second time. He wasn't blind and he wasn't inexperienced.

As much as she wanted to argue with him and tell him it was none of his business, the words and emotions bubbled up inside her to do so, she held her tongue. And it showed on her face as everyone else in the room remained silent and simply watched on. Before she could formulate any come back Jack spoke again. Still calm and still in control.

"Because I am your CO and it's my responsibility to look out for every one on my team."

They had and old fashion stare off, with neither wanting to blink first. But finally Sam had no choice. If she said anything else she risk insubordination charges, but something in her could not allow him to have the last word.

"Yes Sir. I'll finish my test and call it a day if you have no objections. Maybe I can get home early, I don't know what kind of state it's been left in." She finished as she turned to leave the room.

"Take Daniel or Teal'c with you. I don't want you staying there along until we find this sicko."

"But Sir?"

"Carter, he got into your house once, he can do it again. Either Daniel or Teal'c go with you or you're confined to base until this sicko is found. Period."

Sam stormed out of Janet's office too mad to speak for fear she'd say something that would have her brought up on charges. Janet found her in her lab several hours later. She figured it would take that long at least for her to calm down enough to listen to reason. Meanwhile Jack was left to deal with Daniel and Teal'c.

"Sam?" Janet stuck her head in the door of Sam's lab. "Are you alright? Is it safe to come in yet?" She moved and set on the stool next to Sam. They were quiet for a very long time while Sam continued to study something in her electronic microscope totally ignoring Janet.

"You may not agree, but the Colonel is right. Denial isn't gonna make this go away."

"Janet…" She started to shout but Janet cut her off before to could go further.

"No Sam. You are not fine. You're miles from fine. And we are not gonna sit back and watch this happen aga…" Janet cut off her words before she gave away too much of their shared past. And before she could let slip anymore she decided to leave Sam to what she was doing.

"Again?"

"He's looking out for your best interest Sam, try to remember that." And she was gone.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

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Authors Notes: Just a few words then on with the story. As I've said before, this is my first real attempt at anything like this. I would greatly appreciate you comments and suggestions. Tell me how I'm doing and anything you see that I need to do differently. And any ideas you'd like to see in the story. In short, I little help here guys. Thanks...now on with the story. Please read and review. The reviews will help to encourage me when I'm writing. If that sounds strangely like begging it's because it is. Zhaan

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In the week since Sam had been released from the infirmary and allowed to return home…with her babysitters of course, everyone had fallen into an uneasy stalemate. Sam did her lab work, she work everyday until she was ordered off base. She 'yes Sir'ed' and 'no Sir'ed' Jack until he had visions of duct taping her mouth. From the moment she saw him until he practically ran from her lab there was a 'Sir' on her lips. But really what could he do about it…there was no regulation against being respectful. Jack could just see that argument being made to General Hammond…_'Sir she's calling me 'Sir' and she won't stop. It's the way she says it Sir, she says 'Sir'.' _Yeah, that would go over well. So he held his temper and weathered her resentment of his efforts to make her deal with the emotions she was trying so hard to bury since her rape.

A team had searched her house for any clues as to who had broken in kidnapped and raped her. But it was almost as if it had been a ghost. Not one piece of paper had been disrupted. Not one print in the entire house that wasn't a known. And after a week no one strange or out of place had been spotted either following Sam or around her house. In short they were no closer to identifying her kidnapper now than they had been the day of her return. Everyone had returned to their normal routine. Except now Sam had a babysitter 24/7, much to her strong objection along with daily visits with Dr. McKenzie. On the point of her safety Jack could not be moved. Someone would be with her at all times when she was not on base and she would see someone who could help her deal with all the feelings and emotions she was trying so hard to deny.

SG-1 minus Sam had been on two 'day missions' off world. Just the general 'meet and greet' type visits to follow up on the current status of worlds they had setup friendly relations with in the hopes of increasing as Daniel termed it 'cultural understanding'. But the dynamics of the team had changed. The resentment Sam felt toward Jack's behavior grew each day. Aside from being grounded from off world travel and required to visit with McKenzie on a daily basis, his obsession over her rape had changed how everyone acted and reacted toward her. Thanks in part to her little outburst with Daniel anyone approaching her gave loud and repeated warning of their intent and made sure to never touch her. She couldn't be more of a pariah if she wore a scarlet 'P' proudly proclaiming her status as 'undesirable and soiled'. She was now 'damaged goods'. No one wanted to spend anymore time around her than was absolutely necessary to do their job. Daniel and Teal'c swapped up nightly babysitting her at home, but only because they were ordered to do so. The strain was fast approaching a breaking point that promise to be spectacular.

But for now, everyone muddle through falling into an uneasy truce. Sam worked in her lab on the many projects she had always had to put on a back burner because of her demanding schedule with SG-1. She now had more than enough time to complete many of them between her daily visits with McKenzie. Visits which covered nothing. He questions and probed and she held firm in her response that everything was fine and she was more than coping with everything which had happened to her.

"How long did you think it was gonna take before I found out you were being uncooperative and skipping your appointments with McKenzie?" Jack practically shouted as he entered the safe haven of her lab.

"Sir, I had experiments running I couldn't drop just to go sit and stare at the doctor. I told him I would reschedule." Sam responded straightening from her microscope but not turning to face him.

"Carter those visits aren't optional. You've been ordered to see McKenzie and not just to stare at him and until he's signed off on you, I'm not putting you back on active duty." It was an uphill fight Jack thought, not for the first time, trying to make Carter deal with the trauma she'd been through. But one he had every intention of winning. He was not going to be fooled into believing everything was fine with her when he knew better. He wouldn't make that mistake again. He could live with her hating him for forcing the issue as long as she 'lived' to hate him. "Carter don't make me ground you permanently."

That was the last straw. Before she could think better of it, she found herself yelling back at him and coming dangerously close to physical blows. "So, what is it you want me to do Colonel? Fall apart and cry. I'm a Major in the USAF…a soldier! Life goes on…shit happens everyday! We still have to go on! "

"I can hear you two all the way to the elevators." Janet informed them as she walked in carrying a lunch tray.

"Don't miss another appointment Carter or you won't have the lab as an excuse." Jack said before he stormed out of the room leaving the heavy weight of silence in his wake.

The silence stretched endlessly before Janet finally spoke up. "Sam…the Colonel's right. Avoiding all this won't make it go away." Sam cut her off before she could say more.

"For the hundredth time…I'm fine. This only seems to be a problem for the Colonel, Janet. I don't know what it is he wants me to do." Sam's anger turning to frustration .

"He wants the same thing we all want Sam. Acknowledge how it all made you feel. What you're feeling now. Stop pretending it didn't happen or that it didn't leave scars. All you're doing is putting off your reaction. You're gonna have to deal with it soon or later and later you just might not survive it. He can't go through that aga…" Janet cut herself off having already said too much.

"Again…?" Sam was confused. What do you mean…again? Sam asked as Janet rushed toward the door.

"I've gotta go. Just think about what I've said Sam, please." Janet begged and disappeared down the hall leaving Sam to wonder what it was she was missing, well except for her appointment with Dr. McKenzie which she was already late for.

"You must have a popular number, that's the third wrong number this evening." Daniel commented as he walked back into the kitchen carrying the last of the dirty dishes from the table.

"What?" Sam jumped just as she slammed the phone down.

"Well, all you ever say is 'no', so I just assumed it was a wrong number. You get many of them? I never really noticed before. Well, I wasn't staying here before…"

In his own little world of talking and reasoning it took a few seconds before Daniel noticed Sam's hand trembling and her completely ghost white complexion.

"Sam are you okay? Is something wrong?"

Itching to get close to her and comfort away whatever was causing her so much distress Daniel held his spot. They had all been warned repeatedly by Dr. McKenzie that rape victims did not like to be touched…especially by men, so Daniel kept his safe distance, but something was definitely bothering Sam. Taking a stab in the dark Daniel ventured.

"Look, if there was anyone else I'm sure they wouldn't be calling me back in. I know you and Jack haven't been getting along to great. But Jack said Teal'c had already gone off world and no body else speaks the language. Jack won't give you any grief tonight, he promised."

The doorbell ringing right on cue. "Speak of the devil." Daniel joked as he moved to answer.

Exchanging goodbyes as the babysitting squad changed guards the house soon fell into a very uncomfortable silence. Jack flipped through the channels while Sam pretended to do reports on her computer in the other room. She could almost convince herself he wasn't there if it wasn't for the fact that he had to stop and stick his head in the room every few seconds like he thought she might bolt and jump out the window.

Deciding the best way to get him to stop checking her out every few minutes was to have him running from her, Sam decided to turn the tables. He hated to talk and he never wanted to talk about his past…so…there was something in his history he'd let slip a couple of times…so the next time he popped his head around the corner she was prepared.

"What did you mean by 'again' Sir? You and Janet both keep saying 'again'." She challenged as soon as his head appeared. Sure enough he wasn't prepared. He had a 'deer caught in the head lights' look and it wouldn't be long before he recovered and ran for cover.

"What?" was all he could get out, and even that was choked.

"You said you wouldn't let it happen 'again'. And today Janet said you couldn't go through it 'again'. So…go through what 'again'?"

Trying to recover as fast as he could, Jack desperately sought a way to avoid having 'that' particular conversation…_'just so not gonna happen' _he thought.

"Carter what're you talking about? It's late and I'm calling it a night. We've got an early briefing tomorrow. That is, if Danny gets back in time. Doc said you still needed your rest so shouldn't you be turning in also?" He knew he was rambling but he just wasn't ready to go there, yet. It was easier to keep her mad at him than trying to deal with his own demons. Thirty year old ghost who still had the power to destroy him if he ever acknowledged them. "You're not taking care of yourself. You're never gonna get back on active duty…" He trailed off as he beat a hasty retreat from the room.

Sam could only smile, she knew how he was gonna react. Now **that** should keep him away from her for the rest of the evening. She was still smiling when she picked up the phone. "Hello…" And her blood ran cold as she listen to the voice on the other end. The voice that knew she had just had an argument with her boss. A voice that promised there was no place she could hide and no one to protect her when he decided to come for her again. She slammed the phone down with a trembling hand trying without much success to control her breathing and the mad rush of blood from all the necessary parts of her body. And that was how Jack found her a few seconds later when he returned to find the cause of the strangled cries he had heard.

"Sam are you okay? I thought I heard…"

And he didn't get any further with his statement as he took in her frighten appearance as he entered the room. Without really thinking he crossed the room and had her enfolded in his protective embrace. Rocking her, petting her hair and whispering words of comfort to help her through whatever had trickered this powerful reaction. She almost broke down in his arms before she recovered enough to bury her fears. The last thing she needed was to give the Colonel even more fuel to justify his belief that she wasn't fit to return to work and active duty. Jack felt her stiffen and immediately recognized his error. They had been told repeatedly that rape victims feared being touched, especially by men. But he had been so concerned about her that he had reacted in his natural way before he thought better of it. He pulled back and out of her personal space, dropping his head in shame for making bad matters worst by adding his own failures to the long list of things she was trying to deal with.

To Sam's mind's eye she could see and feel the revulsion the Colonel felt at being so close to someone as vile and repulsive as she was since her rape.

"Carter I'm sorry I didn't mean to…" That's where he puttered out. How best to word …without putting his foot any deeper in his mouth.

"It's okay Sir, I'm kinda use to it. It can't be easy for any of you having to be around me after what I've done. I feel the same way. I wouldn't touch me either if I had the choice."

Her head was down and her back was to him, not wanting to have to witness even one more person's reaction to having to be around her. She saw it on everyone's face, in their body language when they were around her. Happy and cheerful until they remembered who and what she was, then they couldn't get away from her fast enough. The Colonel would be no different. For a split second he had been his old self until he remembered and then he too, was backing away and ready to run from her presence.

"It's okay Sir, I understand. I wouldn't want to be around me either if I had the choice."

Sam conceded in complete surrender and acceptance of the reality of her situation.

"What?"

Jack asked confused, he was prepared for anything from teary over emotions to having his ass kicked for pushing her so hard. But what he wasn't prepared for was the otter shameful look on Sam's face. How could someone so smart be so clueless sometimes. And she was still rambling on.

"It's alright Sir, I understand. I can't really blame you…any of you for wanting to stay as far away from me as possible. I understand no one wants to touch me…that no man will ever want me again, why should they?"

She was almost in tear, but she wouldn't allow them to fall. She was stronger than that. She could handle it and be the good little soldier she had been trained to be. She would stand tall and take it all without blinking cause that's what she had been doing her entire life.

Jack just stared...where to begin. How could someone as brilliant as she was get everything so wrong. _'Didn't love her', 'didn't want to touch her', 'no man'_… he couldn't even figure out where to start. She had everything so wrong. She didn't seem to have a clue. _'Not want to touch her'_…? That had been McKenzie's idea. The man was a quack if ever anyone was.

"Sam…" And he reached to cup her face.

"How could you think we wouldn't want to touch you? How could you think we wouldn't care? If anything I care too much." Before he could get any more out the phone rang again.

"For cryin out loud, your house is grand central station."

And he picked up the receiver without ever breaking eye contact or even registering it wasn't his phone to answer.

"Hello?"

After listening for only a few seconds his whole body language changed.


	9. Chapter 9

First, so, sorry for the delay in posting, I'm sure most of you know the site has been having trouble, but now that it's corrected I will try to catch this site up to date with all the others I post on. That could be good for you since it means I'll probably be posting the next chapter later today...hopefully. Zhaan

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Chapter Nine

"We'll be there in thirty minutes."

He finally answered back to the voice on the phone before hanging up and going in search of his jacket and shoes.

"Get dressed we gotta go. Danny ran into a snag and we've gotta send some people out to clear things up before the shooting starts."

"How many times am I gonna have to tell you Danny? Not everything can be 'talked' out. You coulda got yourself killed out there. And while I'm sure you love that whole _'dying and coming back'_ thing you do so well, it's taxing on everyone else's nerves." Jack informed Daniel in his most sarcastic voice.

"Ha ha ha very funny. But isn't that why I was called in the first place…so I could talk to them?"

"Not once they've started shooting."

"Yeah, well…don't try to change the subject. How was Sam last night? You promised you'd give it a rest with her." Daniel remained.

"I'm not the enemy here Danny. I just don't want her thinking she can just bury this and it'll go away. It doesn't work that way. I know."

Jack got lost in his own memories of the past. Of all the mistakes he'd made with Sahara…_'I'd wanted so much for her to get better…to put that whole nightmare experience behind her and get back to her happy go lucky life…but I failed her. I saw what I wanted to see…what she wore on the outside. And I fell for it. Believing that those infamous 'O'Neill genes' couldn't be beaten by anyone or anything. But they were. Not only were they beaten, they were raped…and you don't just walk away from that. She may have been making all the right sounds on the outside…but on the inside she was dying a little bit more everyday. And I missed every clue. I won't make that mistake again. Especially not with Sam. No way could I survive burying another woman I loved because of this. And if she has to hate me to get through it, then that's a small price to pay.'_

"But in answer to your question…No. No. I didn't pressure her all evening. Who could? Every time ya turned around that damn phone was ringing. I was about ready to pull it out of the wall toward the end." Jack complained.

"Yeah, I know what ya mean. One more wrong number and I'd have gladly paid to have her number changed." On this point Daniel could agree whole-heartily with Jack's sentiment.

"Could you not have done as Major Carter did on the evenings I was there? Remove the receiver?" Teal'c inquired. "They seem to upset her greatly.

The guys continued to pass the time over lunch discussing any and every thing from 'Danny's rocks' to the Avalanche's chances for a perfect season. Daniel and Teal'c were deep in a discussion over the culture behind certain aspects of the goa'uld theology when something in Jack's posture alerted him to the change.

"Jack…?" Daniel questioned.

Teal'c sit up straighter, eye brow raised, waiting. He had seen that look many times. O'Neill was working out some problem and it was always best to be silent and wait. _Something that seemed beyond DanielJackson's ability._

Just as Daniel was about to launch into his watershed of questions Jack held up his hand and frown. You could almost see the wheels turning.

"I thought she was upset about something I said." He looked from one to the other as if expecting an answer. Both men stared back, waiting for the explanation to the question that wasn't even a question, more a statement of fact.

"She wasn't upset because of me, she was upset because of the call." Jack stated as if that would explain everything.

"She's been getting a lot of wrong numbers. She was upset the other night. I found her in the kitchen white as a sheet. I told her to have her number changed if…" Jack cut him off before he could get totally side tracked.

"Daniel!" Jack practically yelled his frustration. Daniel still hadn't 'got it' and was looking back and forth between Jack and Teal'c.

"O'Neill believes MajorCarter's attacker is still in contact with her, causing her great distress." Teal'c clarified for him.

"WHAT!" Daniel shouted in total disbelief.

"Major Carter we're never going to make any kind of progress if you won't even talk to me. I'm sure the order didn't specifically say you had to talk, but it was implied. Say something."

Dr. McKenzie had about reached the end of his patience. A week of daily session with Major Carter and he couldn't even get her to say 'hello.' He knew most people on base disliked him…felt he wasn't very competent, but really…what was he suppose to do when his patients wouldn't speak_. There's only so much you can do when you're talking to yourself._

"If you won't tell me how you feel, then tell me how everyone else feels. Think of it as a way to vent all your anger and frustrations at being ordered to see me. That couldn't have made you happy. Everyone forcing you here when you know you're fine. What is it they think is wrong with you to makes them think you need to see me?"

That was the last card he had to play. If that didn't get her talking he would have to recommend she see someone else. There was obviously a problem, but if she didn't have confidence in him and wouldn't talk to him, then maybe she'd feel more comfortable talking to someone else.

"The Colonel seems to think I need to fall apart and cry all over everyone to get better. Everyone else is just following his lead." The words exploded out of her like the flood gate had been opened. The starter's pistol fired and off she went.

"I keep telling everyone I'm fine, but obviously one of the side effects of being raped is you no longer have the ability to judge your own feelings. I'm so fragile and weak I don't know what I really want or need. Thank god I have the Colonel to take control and handle all these things for me. Whatever would I do without him." Sarcasm and bitterness dripping from every word.

'_Okay maybe I got more than I bargained for_.' McKenzie thought as he watched Major Carter get more and more agitated as she paced furiously around his office.

"I don't understand what he wants from me. I'm a soldier I've been hurt a whole lot worst on missions and never had to go through all of this." Her rage was still growing as she all but yelled at him.

"Maybe he thinks rape is much worst than any of those things you've been through." McKenzie stated trying to sound like the voice of reason to help her see another viewpoint.

"Well, it's not!" She shouted. "I've had sex before! I am not traumatized. It was just sex! Rough sex, yes, but that's all!" She was almost screaming. No one seemed interested in hearing what she thought. Everyone knew best for her. Everyone wanted to control her life…her feeling…her emotions.

"Rape is not about sex Major Carter. Actually sex is the least important of the things rape does to you. There's a huge difference between 'rough sex' and 'rape'. Rape is about anger and rage. Rape is about controlling someone else. Rape is about taking control away from you, humiliating you, taking away your security and violating you at the most basic level." He couldn't be sure if she was paying him any attention, but this was the most she had been willing to do since she started seeing him so he pressed on.

"If someone had broken in and robbed your house, went through all your drawers empting everything all over the place, you would know that something bad had been done to you. You might never feel comfortable in that house again. Right?"

"Yes." She didn't like where this was going, but she had started it by answering his first question. Now she was forced to hear him out.

"Rape is even more personal than that. Why is it so hard to acknowledge?" He ask innocently and waited patiently for her answer.

Sam hated not having the answer to that. She hated that he might be right. If he were right, then she would have to deal with it, but she knew he couldn't be. She was a soldier and all she needed to do was move on to the next mission. This would all blow over in time. She could handle it, she was strong. She had a good mind, she was smart. She understood what had happened to her. Her mind understood it. It would just take time for her body to follow. Only time. And everyone…the Colonel…leaving her along while that time passed.

Feeling almost like a child who wasn't getting her way, Sam decides to take her toys and leave.

"It's not." She huffed and puffed, then stormed out. "I've got test running I need to get back". And she was gone.

When Sam returned from her visit with Dr. McKenzie she found the guys waiting for her in her lab.

"What? You don't trust me? Are you checking to make sure I kept my appointment with Dr. McKenzie? Well I did." Sam was building up a full head of stream fueled by her righteous indignation and still pissed with Dr. McKenzie. Now they were all teaming up on her, treating her like she might fall apart at any minute she was so fragile. But she didn't get anything else out before Jack's quiet voice interrupted.

"Why didn't you tell anyone he was calling you?"

"What?" Sam stammer confused. _'How did they know? What had she done to give it away?'_ "I don't know what you're talking about."

After nearly two hours, lots of issues had been settled. Everything from why Sam had felt the need to hide her calls…her attacker had said she was weak and telling her team would mean she needed them to protect her. A man could've handled it alone, so…she could too. She had gone all the way from frighten, pass guilty and straight to 'pissed' that she could be played so easily. There were still many things she needed to work out, but…she was at least now on her way. Her babysitters weren't going anywhere anytime soon, but at least now she felt better about them being there for her. They were there because they wanted to be, not because they were ordered to be. And she had the Colonel back as something other than a target for all of her anger and rage.

And now that they were talking it didn't take long to find out that it wasn't revulsion that kept every one at arms length, it was yet another fupa on Dr. McKenzie part. Sam was no 'text book case' and Dr. McKenzie had been grossly in error telling everyone to treat her as such. By telling everyone to 'give her space and not touch' he had accomplished what even her attacker hadn't been able to do…isolate and alienate her from all the family she had. Realizing that even they were repulsed by her, she had erected walls and barriers blocking 'everyone who could hurt her' out…and herself inside…all alone.

But now they could touch, they could feel, they could show all the emotions they had grown accustomed to hiding. Mistakes would continue to be made, but they were a family and together they could…would overcome everything.

Actually Dr. McKenzie had done such a spectacularly bad job of treating Sam, that his services were no longer required to get her through her trauma. Like so many other times, SG-1 would pull together and take care of their own.

Sam was still afraid and still grounded for the time being but, with everyone's help the nightmares and cold sweats would be dealt with. For now…Sam was back. For the first time since their down time Sam was back, and if an unexpected touch caused her to jump no one made a big deal out of it, just held on until it passed. The 'weak helpless Sam' was gone, replaced by 'kicking ass and taking names Sam'. And the first thing on her agenda was to make that SOB who'd done this to her pay.

They all met up at Sam's later that evening. Nothing out of the ordinary, a regular team night of beer and pizza. But instead of comments on the movie playing on the TV everyone was hard at work planning the perfect trap. Using Sam as the bait he would surly fall for it hook, line and sinker.

It wasn't often they could all get together. Team nights were a regular tradition to blow off stream and bond especially after a particularly hard or dangerous mission. But having Janet find the time to join in had become harder and harder to schedule. Oh, there was little doubt that except for the seriousness of the meeting, Janet would still not have had the time. Being a single mother and the Chief Medical Officer for the base kept her plate pretty full all the time. But tonight had her priorities include moral support for Sam and any psychological insight she might have about their John Doe Rapist. The lighthearted joking atmosphere was a much needed release for them all. The strain everyone had been under since Sam's abduction had started to fray the bonds of friendship they all shared.

"I just don't see why we can't come up with a plan that doesn't have Carter dangling out there all along at the mercy of some crackpot." Jack complained for the hundredth time that evening.

"I don't know Jack, it's not like we have any other leads, you're the brilliant strategist come up with something." Daniel replied right on cue. This argument had gone back and forth all evening, there was no good answer. At least not one that didn't require Sam to put herself at risk. Whoever this man was, he clearly wanted Sam, and the only hope of smoking him out was to offer up Sam.

The rest of the evening went pretty much the same. After fine tuning and polishing every detail to even Jack's satisfaction the evening started to break up. Daniel and Teal'c were the first to leave. Janet was the next to go, but not before she had some quiet time with Sam to see for herself how she was holding up under all that had happened.

"So, how do you feel about all this Sam?" She ask off hand, trying to down play her own worries for Sam's physical and psychological well being.

"I keep telling everyone…I'm fine. I can handle this. Contrary to what the Colonel thinks I am not about to fall apart or jump off the bridge. It's almost like he wants me to. He wants to see me crying and terrified of everyone…not able to cope…but I can…I am." The confusion evident in her voice.

"He's lost a lot Sam. He just doesn't want to loss you too. I don't think he could handle it. Losing Sahara almost killed him. He use to be such a happy carefree guy…but every lost has taken a little bit more out of him. My god, I didn't even recognize who he was when I came to work at the SGC. Don't make him have to go through that again." Janet's voice had turned to almost a plea. Begging Sam for understanding.

The moment was broken when Jack entered the kitchen carrying the last of the dirty dishes. Janet seeing her perfect escape grabbed her coat and purse and said her goodbyes.

Jack and Sam moved around the house, putting the last of everything back to place and getting settled for the night. Janet's comments still had Sam curious and before she could lose her nerves…again.

"Who's Sahara and what does she have to do with my attack?"


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

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Hi all. This is just a small heads up. This chapter contains a night of love and healing between Jack and Sam. I'm not sure where the rating line is drawn and have no wish to cross it. I could not separate those two parts and remain true to the story so I thought I'd just warn one and all.Thank You. Please read and review.

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Chapter Ten

She could see the muscles in his neck and back tense as he froze midway replacing the grill in front of the fireplace. There was a long silent moment before he slowly turned and met her eyes. He would never disrespect her memory by disowning her or the place she still held in his heart. But it was not a memory he shared with many. Sam deserved to know. She deserved to understand why he was pushing her so hard.

"She was my kid sister." He answered and Sam could see him visibly shrink from the strong powerful Colonel she knew into a battered and broken and grieving shell. He continued, talking mostly to himself as he moved to sit. The weight of the memory too much to handle standing.

"She was raped when she was seventeen. I was away on a mission when it happened. I was away on a mission when it got to be too much for her and she slit her own wrist."

He spoke in a voice Sam had never heard before. It crushed her heart in a vise grip just hearing him speak of it. But that was nothing compared to his eyes. Staring out at her were the windows to a soul that had long since died. No light shine back, a bottomless pit of despair and grief.

"I'm sorry Sir...I didn't mean…" She trailed off, not really sure what words could express her emotions.

"You remind me a lot of her." He continued as if she hadn't spoken. His eyes lost their sadness as he talked. A dreamy far away look replaced the grief. He hadn't talked about her in years. He still thought about her, but they were his own private memories...untarnished by the blood of her death... unmarred by the nightmare she had been living those last few months of her life. She had been so full of life, a smile that lit up a room when she entered. Even the car crash and death of her parents had not been able to hold her down for long. Life was one big adventure for her, and life on a military base was a constant thrill. Everyone who met her came away better for the experience. Her happiness and joy...contagious.

He hadn't talked this much in years, since her death. It hadn't been the right time…until now. Her life and happiness poured out of him. The laughter and sunshine of her memory fill the house, a house which had been dark and weighed down since Sam's return. Sam mused how right Janet had been. He wasn't the same man. The man before her now could in no way be mistaken for the Colonel she had known these past eight years. This was the man he could have been, would have been, if life and loss hadn't exacted it's toll on his soul.

"I need you to survive this Sam. I need you to tell me when it gets to be too much. Please, please don't make me have to find your body like Sahara's. Please don't leave me. Please." He trailed off, the grief ridden man settling back down and changing even his posture as the weigh was again returned to his shoulders. Tears slowly tracked down her face as she watched him transform before her eyes.

"I don't know how I'm suppose to live with this. I've spent my entire life in the military, even before I was old enough to join up. I was raised a 'military brat'. 'Suck it up soldier you gotta keep going'. It's all I know. And I know in my mind…but my body…I don't know how to make it work. I don't know how to make what he did to me alright, something I can live with. He hurt me and I don't know how to make that alright." For all her brave front the wreck she was inside came pouring out. And once the tears started she couldn't stop them.

"Don't cry Sam, don't cry, we can get through this, I promise. C'mere." He pulls her into the safety of his arms, rocking and soothing her. Placing feather kisses on the top of her head as he consoled her.

Neither would ever be sure when it changed from consolation to passion. When the gestures stopped being soothing and turned to heat. And as volatile as their encounters had been since her rape, they paled to nothing compared with their passion. Eight years of love and respect. Eight years of denial and avoidance. Eight years of need all collided at that one moment and demanded to be acknowledged. Their tongues dueling, lost in the taste of the other. Soul mates since the beginning of time finding their home, the other half of their soul, finally. Hands frantically needing to touch and feel and explore at long last.

Hands which seem to have a mind of their own. Hands focused on only one task: reaching the body which had consumed their every thought for the last eight years. He needed to touch her everywhere. Make love to the woman he had only before been allowed to worship from afar. Sam was in his arms. In his arms…now. Better than any fantasy he'd had of her. Their lips had been fused together almost since that first tear when he saw up close the price she was paying everyday for the abuse she had received at the hands of that madman.

As good as Sam was at rewriting the laws of Physics to suit her cause, there was one law she couldn't change…his lungs needed oxygen and the only way to get it was to stop doing what he most love doing in the world…worlds. His lips left hers' to draw in the much needed breath, but were unable to move too far away. Nibbling on her neck, kissing that sweet spot behind her ear, he continued, so completely wrapped up in her…her feel…her taste…her smell, his world narrowed to include only the two of them.

The really bad thing about feeding your body the oxygen it needed…it can 'think'… remember why you hadn't done this during the past eight years…REGULATION. Why this had to be the worst time to decide to 'screw the regs'. Sam's rape less than two weeks ago. '_How could I have been so insensitive and uncaring of everything she's been through? _In the second or two it took for everything to fall back into place Jack had the time to muse over another universal truth: _While oxygen might be good for a lot of things…like living…oxygen did nothing for ridding you of 'the hard on from hell'. 'Gotta be a new record…'eye crossing painful hard on from hell.' _He pulled back, putting some space between them as he began apologizing for his 'caveman' behavior. _((Yes, I checked, no cavemen will ever know their name has been used in vain)). _

"God Sam I'm sorry. Here I am telling you to deal with it face on, while all I'm doing is making things worst. The last thing you needed was me groping all over you. I'm sorry."

Jack continued to babble on as he moved further away from her. '_What was I thinking?'_ He babbled on, moving further and further way. He seemed a little shocked when his back hit the wall. As if he had forgotten it was there.

Some portion of Sam's brain that was still working, analyzing…sorting…and storing data recognized that Jack had quite literally talked himself into a corner. He stood with both hands up and palms out toward her. SURRENDER. This had all finally gotten to be too much. No longer worth the effort. Not even the promise of her body was enough enticement to move him. But then why should it? She was nothing but the leftover remains of another man who had gotten his use out of her and dumped the worthless husk on the side of the road. Worthless. Not even a psycho rapist had use for her. Garbage carelessly left on the side of the road.

"That okay Sir. I understand. I'm fine. I wouldn't want to touch me either if I had a choice. I understand, not even my attacker wanted to be around me anymore. Just so much trash on the side of the road." She kept talking trying to ease the awkward tension building in the room.

Something she said, her posture maybe…finally registered with Jack. He started trying to replay some of what she had been saying. '…_not want her…worthless…trash…side of the road.'_ She couldn't possibly think that. There was no way she couldn't see how much he cared. He watched almost as from a distance as she slowly folded in on herself. Becoming smaller every second. Becoming ashamed, used, worthless, trash. It took his breath away just watching the 'Carter' he knew and loved disappear to be replaced by a shell he would not have recognized as her if he hadn't watched the transformation with his own two eyes.

"No Sam. No come back to me. Come back. You got it all wrong. You got it all wrong…" Rushing back and pulling her into his arms. Rocking and smoothing her hair as he rested his chin on the top of her head. "You got it wrong." He explained as he pushed her out to arms length, holding on to her by her shoulders. Making eye contact and holding it. "You got it all wrong. I do want you. God baby I want you so much it hurts. I've wanted you since the first moment you walked into that 'briefing room'. I want you now more than ever. I just meant you need time to heal…physically and emotionally before…" He trailed off, staring into her beautiful blue eyes. Eyes he could easily get lost in for all eternity. "Baby I want you." It was almost a plea for understanding. "I want you baby…but I need you even more. I need you to get better. I need you to work through this…to be the woman you were before all this."

Sam voiced her greatest fear. "And what if I can't get pass this? What if I can't ever be that person again. Then what happens?" Her voice choking on her last question as tear began to fall. The sight of her so broken and in pain crushed Jack's heart. He couldn't leave her like this. She had to understand. He showered her with kisses. Eyes, nose, cheeks. chin, neck. He could kiss her all day. He would kiss her all day. But when he came to her mouth she was waiting for him. His lips met lips as much in need as his. As hungry as his. As in need as his. And lips which had also waited eight years. It was explosive. A need finally fulfilled.

Moving without any conscious thought Jack had Sam in his arms, still not breaking away from her lips. Finding her bedroom by feel. Moving into her room and placing her on her bed. That was when he noticed. Noticed the shaking, the fear and panic so clearly evident on her face.

"Oh my god, what am I doing? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I…"

"Please, I want this. I want you. Please don't stop." She had risen to her knees facing him as she continued to beg. Trying to help him finish taking off his clothes.

"Sam no." His voice shaky as he fought to regain control of his body. He knew better, he knew this shouldn't have been allowed to go so far but like her his body didn't seem to want to listen. Grabbing her trembling hands as they worked on unfastening his belt, he took a cleansing breath. He needed control, he needed to be strong for the both of them.

"Please, I know you would never hurt me. You would never do to me the things he did. I didn't mean for it to show. Please." Now she was begging and almost in tears yet again. _He had to understand. It wasn't him that caused this reaction_.

"Please Sir, it wasn't your fault. Janet said it might take a while. She said it was normal. I know you would never hurt me. Please." The pleas melting his resolve to be strong against the needs of his body to have her. To make love to her the way he had always dreamed. But she still wasn't ready. Her body wasn't ready to 'not fear', that would only come with time. But if he left her now, it might never come at all. Stiffening his resolve to not just take her and everything her body had to offer him, he slowly lowered her back to laying on her bed and quickly followed.

This was not how Sam imagined her first time in bed with Jack. Somehow there had always been more touching, more passion, sex. But thanks to a body which was unable to follow the simplest of commands here she lay in bed with the man she had love for so long…and they were both still fully clothed…with no plans on changing that anytime soon.

"Talk to me." He say gently as they turn to face each other. "Tell me what happened." He coached trying to get her to open up to him about what she was feeling. When no answer seemed likely he pushed on. "You seemed fine before...in the living room. What happened between there and here that scared you so?" He would get her to talk. If McKenzie couldn't, he would. He just didn't think he was the best person for the job. He held the record for repressed emotions. How could he expect her to open up when he wouldn't.

So, when again she seem disincline to answer he rolled onto his back. Staring up at her ceiling, he spoke in a very quiet voice.

"When I got back from Iraq I was a mess. Oh, I didn't think I was. I just wanted to put the whole thing behind me and move on. The shrinks thought they could talk it to death, and that only made it worst. I had been through something none of them could relate to, except what they'd learned in books. If one more person had said 'I understand' to me I'd probably…" He trailed off, lost in his own memory as he explained how he had felt during that period of his life. Sam listened as the conversation continued she began to open up and talk about some of the rough patches in her life. Before she knew it she was talking about her rape and how it made her feel.

Flashbacks…that's what had just happened to her. One minute everything was fine then…some smell, some sound, something would touch her a certain way. As she talked Jack had moved closer to her. They were now spooned together and he was running his hand over her stomach. Not seeing his face made it somehow easier for her to talk.

"In your arms just now…the feel of your shirt…of being carried…I remember the feel of his shirt. And it all just felt so real. I know in my brain…but it felt like I was back there, the fear…the unknown…feeling alone. He said 'no one would come for me…I was on all alone.' Before she could descend into that bottomless pit Jack was reassuring her. Touching her, kissing the back of her neck, telling her he was there, would always be there. She didn't have to go through it alone…she didn't have to always be strong. She was allowed to feel vulnerable, she could lean on him.

The moment had gotten away from them again. Reassuring kisses soon turned to passionate kissing. The comforting hand on her stomach had slowly drifted further down. She was hot and wet and ready. She wanted this more than she had ever wanted anything in her life. But…

As soon as he moved over her the irrational panic returned with a vengeance. It was all she could do to control the bloodcurdling scream fighting to come out. Her whole body tensed then began to shake. She couldn't draw in enough oxygen to breath. Jack felt her body's reaction to his position. Felt her fighting to control it. But instead of running. Instead of moving off, he held her tighter whispering comforting words in her ear. Reconnecting her with the 'here and now' and away from her nightmare experience. It seem to take forever. Jack began to fear he might have pushed her too far. She would need to take this all very slowly, one step at a time. Maybe this was just 'too much too soon.' He was afraid he might need to call Janet if she continued much longer. He knew she would hate that, but it might be necessary.

"Baby..." Jack held Sam gently, his arms a bond of strength about her shaking body. His deep, calming voice served to calm her frayed nerves. She could feel the sensation of him vibrate along her spine.

"Baby...don't be afraid. I'm here.." He kissed her brow, his lips feather light. "Always." He whispered.

She felt her fears diminishing with each moment spent in his embrace. She involuntarily relaxed, unaware she was even doing so. In this 'world'...she was safe and protected and...loved. She sensed it with every fiber of her being. She lay her head against his shoulder.

"I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine." She kept repeating as her personal mantra. I'm fine. I'm fine.

He cupped the blond tresses, his fingers filtering through the silk. Sam breathed in his scent...his cologne filled her head...the scratchy growth of beard on her temple, excited her. His love evident even in the way his body was draped over hers', the evident of his arousal pressed between them. He was pure male. All male. She glanced down at the defined bulge between his legs. She wanted desperately to touch it...to soothe it. Without thought, her hand reached and she felt Jack stiffen, her first instinct, to withdraw her touch. But, Jack's hand gently covered hers instantly, and he groaned brokenly... "Ohhhh, s-shit! SHIT!" He squirmed, lifting his ass to better 'feel' what she was forcing him to feel. "Baby..." He gasped for air and a semblance of control, finding none. "Ohhh, f-fuck... fuck."

Sam felt her middle flare to vivid life.

It was protection, security and love. It was all, rolled into one, under one name…Jack.

"I'm sorry, baby. I shouldn't be..." Jack grimaced. What the fuck was he thinking. He had only meant to comfort her...but, she touched him. _'My God.'_ Her touch inflamed him. '_Didn't she know? Wasn't she aware? This...is wrong! So...wrong...of him. Move away. She does NOT need this now. MOVE!'_

But, he remained, and closed his eyes as her slender fingers moved tentatively over his ever hardening dick. _'Stop!'_ His mind screamed. _'Stop her.' _He just...lay. Allowing her to do whatever she pleased. Unable to do anything less.

Sam lifted her head and his mouth lowered instantly, their lips melding together in a kiss so intense, it shattered what composure she had managed to retain. Her free hand moved up the bare length of his arm, feeling the contours of muscle, the thickness of his wrists. She touched his cheek line. Her finger tracing the long indenture she so loved. Feeling the growth of a day's beard. Her tongue teased his and Jack grunted lowly, his arms tightening about her waist, pulling her closer.

She could feel the tendons of his thigh, as he moved his weight strategically upon her suddenly prone figure. The sensation washed over her and she whimpered and stiffened as the familiar fear invaded her mind. Jack sensed what was happening and released her mouth, his eyes boring into the frightened blue ones. "Look at me..." He gently coached. "It's ME." He held her face with a soothing caress. "It's me, baby. We can stop...anytime you say. You are in complete control here." He knew, HE sure as hell wasn't.

"I want you...so badly it hurts but.." Well, that had been one hell of an understatement. He shook his head, those brown eyes holding hers willfully. "You know that. Tell me what to do. You call the shots. Anything.." He kissed her mouth longingly, his voice filled with emotion. "Anything you want...anything you need. I'll give you...the entire universe, you must know that."

The woman blinked, disoriented. Her feelings of dread slowly fading into oblivion. She glanced downward and ...touched the stiff peaks of his nipples. Her fingers threaded through the gray-black dawn of his chest hair, surrounding the nubs, squeezing experimentally.

Jack rewarded her with another moan of acquiescence. He liked her touch. She could feel as much. She suddenly wanted to touch every part of him. To get to know his body...intimately. Her fingers fumbled with his belt buckle. He put his hands over hers and accomplished the goal. He lifted her chin, his mouth taking her breath away. "I can wait." He lied threw his teeth for her. "We can just.."

"No. Please." She pushed a little, arising enough to unfasten the button of his fatigues. She feebly attempted to push the tee shirt he wore upward, revealing the muscular chest with abs to die for, those any younger man would envy. She leaned and planted a kiss directly over his belly button. She felt his hands filter into her hair and he sighed contentedly as she lost herself to her pastime.

_'Lower baby'_...he willed _'...go...lower. God! I'm dying here.'_ But, all he DID was to...allow her acquaint herself with his body to her heart's content. He was dying a slow, painful death and loving every minute of it. His dick ached for the feel of those luscious lips around it's width...that tiny tongue licking it's length..

No fucking way he was going to rush her...or put his needs above hers. But...maybe...just...maybe. He could help her decision along a bit. He rolled gently, taking her in tow. She was suddenly, perched on top of him, her fantastic legs, straddling his waist.

"Ohhh!" The turn of events had been a sudden one but...she discovered. She loved this new position.

"Think this'll help. Sam hadn't considered it, but this new position did make her feel a lot better. Less afraid. More in control. More her old self. Her eyes blinked down to his gentle gaze.

"Did I tell you how beautiful you are...ever? I don't think I've mentioned that." He smiled for her alone. "I think I've wanted you from the first day you walked into that damned briefing room." Why was it so easy to say the words now? "Did I hide it well?" He glanced to where her hot little middle touched his abdomen. "Not doing such a good job right now, am I?"

She ran her hands through his short-cropped hair, laying on him, her mouth parting his wantonly. She scooted downward, her middle running the length of his pulsating penis, her warmth filtering through the fabric which separated their bodies.

Jack gasped/groaned, drawing in a shaky breath. "You are fucking killing me." He smiled then, a slow, sensual smile that heated Samantha's center of being. "Kill me some more. This is how I want to die. In your.. arms, Sam." He'd changed what he had truly meant to something more...acceptable.

She reached downward, her hand moving inside his unzipped pants, finding the opening of his boxers, easing into the slit and surrounding the hard, thick object found within. Jack's head fell back and a primitive sound dragged from his throat. "Ahhhhhh...G-God!" He squirmed about restlessly, trying to force her hand to massage his dick. "Samantha!" He practically was pleading. "B-Baby!"

The woman moved and extracted his hardness with gentle persuasion. A long, drawn out groan escaped him. She placed her mouth over the smooth, hot flesh of the tip, sucking gently and she thought he would come right then and there by the sounds he was making and his hands had tightened drastically in her hair, one transferring to clutch the sheet in a death grip but other than that...Jack managed to remain rigidly 'in control'.

"No...no, baby...don't." He rasped shakily. "Not like this...not our first time." No fucking way he was going to waste it. "I want to cum inside you. Please!" But, he was powerless to force her, he knew.  
He would have to persuade her and fast. That little tongue was driving him fucking crazy and the way she bobbed on his cock...

"I want to feel you." He coached expertly. "I'm hurting so badly. Can I? Can we...do that?"

He reached, on instinct, his hands going to the button of her top. She sat up hastily, her eyes telling him...'wrong fucking move'. That fucking bastard again. He would NOT win this one. Jack withdrew his hand. "Show me, baby. Please don't ever hide from me. I want to see every last inch of you." His eyes told her just how badly he wanted that.

"N-No..." She remembered the bruises...the horrible marks on her body. She did not want him to see those.

"Don't hide your body from me. I've seen what you look like. I know who you are. I love all of you. Please, don't hide." He pleaded, begging her to feel free with him. Slowly her arms moved and helped Jack as he worshiped her body easing her into the comfort of revealing herself. "I want to kiss you and touch you and hold you and.." He traced a searing path down and over her breast with his forefinger. "Erase every fucking mark he imprinted on your lovely flesh. You're mine, Samantha. Every part of you. And all of you is beautiful to me. You don't ever have to hide anything from me." He made her believe him. "I'm going to show you just how much." This time, when he reached for the front of her blouse...she...allowed his touch.

Jack forced his hands to move slowly. It took forever to ease the top from her. Several times, he had to soothe her fears...halt his wandering hands. But, his hand would scrape suggestively over her nipple and she would...gasp and...relax as his mouth worked on hers to reassure her. "It's me. Feel me...touch me." He encouraged her to explore his body also. Taking her hands and placing them on his body...in innocuous places. Places that were 'safe'...

With each scar revealed, he kissed the hurtful memories away...he did not miss one. He suckled her nipples until she was withering with need. He held her hips, his calloused palms spread on her skin. "You are the most exquisite thing I have ever seen." His eyes took in the visual 'art form' that was Samantha Carter. "Do you have any idea what you've done to me over the years?" He smiled. "I've had to manually relieve myself more times since I met you than when I was a damned teenager. Want to know a secret? I do it in my office after you leave sometimes. Your scent remains and ...I just...have to do it."

Sam's senses burned to vivid life at the picture he painted for her. She ached so badly. She wanted him so much. So very much. Without thought, she took his shaft in hand and eased down upon the rock hard strength of him. She trembled from growing excitement. All doubts erased from her mind. Replaced by a staggering void inside her only this man could fill.

She felt the head break through the giving surface of her cavern, her lips spread wide by the girth of him. He was so thick...so deliciously thick. She wanted...more! With each inch she ventured to place inside her, she was urged on by Jack's constant groans of agony. His whispered encouragements. His lovingly stated endearments...his words telling her what she did to him, making her blush. Yes, she was actually blushing. From head to toe and she was loving every minute of the sweet bliss.

She wasn't sure when she stopped being the aggressor and Jack took over, but she felt his breathing shallow and rapid on her neckline, his arms like bands of steel about her waist, his powerful upward thrusts as he moved her with his penetration...the inarticulate whispers of desire he offered amid  
the constant moans and grunts of primitive passion.

It didn't take him long to bring her to completion. As if the constant friction of that magnificent shaft wasn't enough, he had reached between their sweat covered bodies, his fingers teasing her clit until she cried out piteously, her climax shaking her to her very core. He joined her seconds later. She could feel his heart beat rapidly under her breasts. It was the most reassuring thing in her world at that moment. She dropped weakly over his body completely sated, feeling the warmth of his body sooth her nerves and draw her into sleep. She began to roll to his side but his arms tighten, holding her in place.

"Don't go." His sleepy voice requested. "I kinda like you here, my very own little Sammie blanket."

"Samantha..." Jack said her name as only he could and once again and her body instantly...responded. "Sleep with me." He had stated it like that on purpose. He hid his grin in her neckline and...sighed happily, closing his eyes.

"I...I'm not sure...Sir.." She felt herself grow wet again. "If...if I can...eh.."

"I...am sure, Carter." He reaffirmed his hold, moving closer to her warmth. "Sleep baby. You drained me. In more ways than one." He grinned again and in seconds, she heard his even, deep breathing.

He was determined he would erase every vestige of that bastard from Samantha Carter's mind. He would remind her of the exquisite delights her body could experience. Samantha. When had she become...Samantha in his mind? Not...Carter. "Samantha." He breathed his warm breath over the flat of her stomach, his mouth moist and hot on her flesh. He smiled happily as he noted the tiny goose flesh on her arms, as he worked diligently, his tongue flicking the sensitive skin of the inside 'crook'. He trailed his fingers lovingly up and down the sculptured curve of her hip, down the firm thigh, as he gently grasped her knee, running the inside of his palm about the area, searching the underside for any spots she might enjoy him exploring. Sam moaned softly as he found several.

He transferred his lips to her breast, smelling the scent of her as he nuzzled the full slope, his lips pursing around the taunt nipple, his teeth taking the sweet bud between them, as his mouth covered the areola, sucking hungrily. His free hand cupped the amble melon, squeezing it affectionately several times as he administered to her. Carter was squirming, arching her back, offering him herself, freely.

He needed to check his progress. Jack moved his hand from it's excruciating pastime, of massaging the small of her back, reaching between her legs, which he nudged a little with his thigh. Without preamble, he eased his finger into her heated cavern, loving the whimper of surrender she offered and the fact...she spread her legs even more so, giving him better access.

Wet. He felt his stiffness expand painfully. God, he wanted her so badly. But...not yet...not just...yet.  
Jack had a mission...he had some 'planning' to do. His mind worked feverishly, it's many resources focused...sorted..all for this woman's benefits. A memory surfaced and he almost but not quite,  
snapped his finger. "Hang on, babe." He leaned, grasping an 'Altoid Mint' off her night stand, popping it in his mouth. Samantha Carter was too absorbed in her own world to note anything in his. Her body cried out for fulfillment even now.

"You know?" He moved strategically, glancing downward, his eyes transfixed. "I've done this a hundred times in my dreams." He re-inserted his middle finger slowly...easing it up the steamy wetness. "Put my finger in this sweet little hole. Ummmmmm., oh yeah." He breathed a shaky sigh,  
his eyes deepening with suppressed flame. "Just like...that. Feeling those tiny contractions, knowing I caused them." He lifted his eyes, the creamy depths filled with primitive fire. "I am...causing them, right? Samantha?" He dared her refute the evidence of his statement.

Stop! She pleaded in her mind. Each time he murmured her name she...shivered uncontrollably, her cavern...contracted, reacting to the sound of that voice. She stifled a moan, raising her ass to better feel the confident thrusts of his finger into her realm of existence.

"G-God!" Samantha practically wept with joy, choking on the emotions he was forcing her to allow. "P-Please!"

Jack sucked on his mint absently, watching the beautiful face. "What do you need, baby?" He encouraged her. Even though he knew full well the answer to his inquiry. He repositioned himself, his palms catching her knees. He trailed soft kisses down the inside of each thigh...stopping just short of his destination with each 'pass'. "Look at you." He could not help sneaking quick, secretive glances at the exposed center of her being. "What a fucking privileged you are allowing me."

He pushed her legs apart, leaning, his mouth brushing the pink lips of her vaginal area teasingly. "How do I thank you?"

_'FUCK ME!' _Her mind screamed but all she was able to do was bite her lip and clench her small fists.  
Jack settled more comfortably, his hands slipping along the silk of her thighs as he encircled them, his fingers loosely holding her legs open. He examined his new 'play area' religiously...all the lovely pink and amber hues. "That tiny nub.." He moved very close, blowing his warm breath on the sensitive bud, the tip of his tongue flicking it once.

Carter gasped, her hand grasping his hair, shoving his head forward or...attempting the feat. The mint's spicy flavor lingered on her clit, making it throb convulsively. Jack held his smile, unloosening her fingers from his hair, bringing her hand about to kiss the inner palm lingeringly, his tongue tickling her flesh. "Don't need any help, baby. Thanks, anyway." He had suddenly never felt more like a man. "Now...behave. Let me concentrate."

_'Fuck you! Fuck you!' _Carter was squirming, her hair mussed, her face flushed and beautiful...the sounds escaping her throat continuous. _'Why wouldn't he just ..DO IT?'_

"Where was I?"

A long, drawn out whimper escaped her, she reached, her fingers groping, shaking visibly. Jack caught the effort, kissing her fingers, each individually. "...Samantha?" He scolded. "Be patient, angel. Anyway...that's my job."

"FUCK YOU!" She blurted, all her frustration conveyed in that simple statement. "STOP...STOP!"

"You don't want me to stop." Jack reached, adjusting his hardness, his face grimacing his pain. "That sweet mouth...saying that dirty word." He smiled, lowering his head. "Say it...again. Makes me... hard." He attended the area around her clit, careful not to touch it. "Throbbing yet? I am." He breathed heavily on the inflamed flesh. "Wonder...if I kiss that tiny thing...if you would give me your cum. Want to taste your cum, Carter. Think I can make you give it up?"

"OHHH S-SHI..."

"Think if I...just..." He pursed his lips, barely touching the delicious surface below him. He took a deep breath, drinking the scent of her in. "Just...barely..." His mouth opened and he allowed his tongue to flick back and forth several sweeps across her clit. She came instantly, a strangled sob choked from her, her entire body trembling visibly with the onslaught of her climax. It seemed to go on and on. Music to Jack's ears.

"That's my baby." He mumbled, his real attention for the exquisite features. He watched the wave pass and her body slowly...return to normal. Her breasts, once heaving for air...settled, the nipples easing their tautness...her arched back, having sagged to the support of the bed. The clenched fists...releasing their tightness. Jack finished his 'Altoid', crawling up the length of her. Kissing his favorite spots of interest on the way. Sam's eyes opened sleepily, heavy with the emotions of surrender. She watched him.

He kissed her mouth longingly and felt her...stiffen. "Shhhhhh." He transferred his mouth to her neckline, finding her 'vulnerable' spot. Sucking the warm skin into his mouth, marking her flesh as his own. "It's me." He whispered. "Open your eyes." He lifted his head, seeking the blueness out. "It's me, Samantha."

Carter...fought her fear and...won. Yes...yes, it was...it wasn't...

"Say my name." He told her, the black eyes full of repressed hunger. The woman blinked, lost in the world he was creating just for her.

"Say it..." He refused to allow her to look away.

"...Sir." Her breath fanned his face. Sweet...warm. He shook his head, his eyes chastising her.

"... ...Jack." She stated the name almost reverently.

He...smiled slowly. "Ohhhh yeah." He nodded. "Jack." He repeated. Her eyes softened two fold.

"No way in hell I would ever hurt you..." He kissed her forehead, his lips remaining for a long beat. He lifted her face. "You know that, right?"

"I know that." She nodded minutely.

"Got to fuck you, Carter." He sighed heavily. "I'm going to implode here."

She shifted her eyes, a slight flush touching her cheeks.

"Just saying." He shrugged those broad shoulders aimlessly. "Dick's really hard...hurting really...really bad."

She lifted a seductive gaze, unaware of doing so. "...How bad, Sir?"

He grimaced.. "Remember the time the thing sucked my head into the wall?"

"It didn't actually suc..."

"Carter." He warned.

She...quieted, properly chastised.

"Okay, remember the time Ba'al kept killing my ass?"

"That's not funny."

"No, and neither is this 'woody' I got going on down there...trust me." He shifted and grunted accordingly.

She dropped her eyes but all she saw was...his cool chest pressed against  
her breasts. "Need some help?"

"Oh, hey, Carter." He took on that little boy quality she so loved. "Could you do that for me? Just sort of...grab hold and...guide it where it needs to...Ahghhhhhhhhhh!"

The woman's hand had eased about his shaft and...she had opened her legs, positioning him.

"Just...give it a tiny nudge, Sir..." She lifted perfectly arched brows.

"That should pretty well do it."

"It will for me." She noted perspiration on his brow. She shook her head and...lifted slowly.

"OH SHIT..." He stiffened, feeling his head being swallowed by her heat. "OHHHH...FUCK, CARTER."

She inched him down her canal, bracing her feet on the mattress and tilting her pelvis just so for him. "Am I doing it right, Sir?"

"J-JACK, DAMN IT!" He choked, grounding out the statement. "ARGHHHHHHHHH! OHHHHHHHH...F-FUC..."

"Wonder how many it will take, Sir...for you to give me YOUR cum?" Carter felt like turning the tables. "That was...ummmm...four. Five." She counted his thrusts...

"OH G-GOD...OHHHH...G-GOD...JESUS!"

"Seven..." She lifted, a little more...rapidly.

He...came. Crying out her name...his body shaking violently...inarticulate sounds grinding from deep inside the man. She felt the hot gushes of his semen hit the back of her slip and slide. She smiled gently...slip and slide. How...quaint a term. Men She closed her eyes and sighed happily. Oh yeah...men.

Well...one...special, unique...man.

She wrapped her arms around his neckline, holding tightly. She kissed his temples adoringly. She moved, pulling his penis out of her...turning into his embrace, snuggling down into his warmth.

"Ohhhh...fuck?" Jack moaned his agony. "I'm...soooo too old for this shit."

"Really, Sir?"

"You just..." He tightened his embrace. Hiding his face in the fragrant hair of her neckline. "Stay the hell where you are."

He guided his hand to her breast, cupping it, searching for her nipple. Which he played with until he drifted off to sleep. This was a 'habit' she could get used to. Sam smiled secretively and...settled down to sleep as well. All the stress and strain of the last few days a thing of the past for the present. She was where she wanted to be. This was where she had always wanted to be.

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I'd like to thank my friend and beta LanaJoy for all the lovely sex scenes. I tried, but do not have a flare for writing those and she came to my rescue. Thanks. Please take a moment and tell me what you think of the story. Thanks for reading.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

With no real reason to put it off, the trap was set for tonight, much as Jack hated it. He had tried every stalling tactic he could think of, none worked. He wanted to catch this SOB as soon as possible. He hated the thought that Sam wasn't safe, or that this sicko might be able to get to her even with everyone's best efforts. But, he hated it even more putting Sam in even more danger by dangling her out there like a carrot for this guy to grab.

He had checked and rechecked, coordinated and re-coordinated. He had done everything humanly possible to ensure Sam was in as little danger as possible for this little song and dance. He had worried and worried himself so, over all this that he had started to feel paranoid. That sick feelinglike he was being watched had returned. And really why shouldn't he feel watched. If everyone was doing their jobs correctly he was being watched. Each of the seven of them kept in visual contact with at least one other person.

Hammond had given his okay on his plan to use Dix's team to help in trying to catch this sicko. So, along with the three members of SG-1, Dix's team SG-3 were also in place. To be honest he had also wanted to use SG-13 as one more set of eyes and ears for this mission, but they were off-world at the moment. As odd and crazy as they all were, he had to acknowledge they were second to none when it came to blending and wrecking havoc when such tactics were needed. But they would have to make due with just the seven of them. It would work, it had to work.

Beside he didn't think the guy would be stupid enough to try to get to her on the first night. From everything that had happened so far this guy was no fool. If he weren't the 'bad guy' he'd probably be trying to recruit him into 'Black-Ops'. He could show everyone a thing or two about stealth-recon. But all of his skills aside, he'd met his match now that Jack had set his mind to his capture. And when he finally got his hands on him there was no guarantee he'd even live long enough to regret the things he'd done to Carter. He had a lot of questions for this guy, like 'why Carter?'. She couldn't have done anything to him to justify this obsession and hatred, but he was sure the only question he might actually ask was 'how slow do you want to die?'. For die he would, he had no doubt. It didn't bother him that he'd already decided that. No arrest. No trial. No verdict. He'd be all three...judge, jury and executioner all rolled into one. No one and nothing could be allowed to harm Sam the way she'd been abused. Whomever he was, he'd signed his own death warrant the moment he'd touched Sam. Now it was only left to see just how soon he could carry out his justice.

His mind started to wander back over last night. Finally, after eight years of loving her from afar...of dreams and fantasies and early morning jerk offs he'd had all those dreams come true. She was even more beautiful in the flesh than she had been in his fantasies. And as sick as it sounded and made him feel, he at least owed the sicko bastard that much. Not sure if they would've ever taken that next step. But now that they had he didn't think there'd be any going back. And as much as he wanted that future with her that they'd talked about, he still knew it could never be. Everyone he'd ever loved suffered for it. And as much as he wanted and needed Sam...he could never be the cause of her pain. No one he was ever close to had ever survived and Sam would be no different. He just couldn't do that to her. But he also couldn't walk away from her last night. Not just for her...for himself also. If that made him weak and a selfish bastard, then so be it. He was weak and a selfish bastard. And he couldn't tell her how things would have to be. But...on some level he felt she might already know. It was such a nice dream through. For one night he had everything he could ever dream. For that one night his world wasn't dark and bleak, it had sunshine and song and fair skies. For one night. And he would make it last him for the rest of his life. That one night.

Two cars had followed her from the base, alternating in following her through her predetermined route home. Switching out...handing off from one to the other just in case she was being watched. The others were already in position watching her house even before she arrived...searched and secured it before all taking their positions. They weren't taking any chances. If this guy was gonna make his move tonight they were gonna be ready for him. They had watched as she arrived nearly and hour and a half ago. The two cars tailing her had continued on and after a careful drive through of her neighborhood, parked well away from the target zone and made their way to their prearranged locations . Now everyone and everything was in place, all waiting and watching for their signal that all was still well. Not wanting to take any chance of spooking their target with anything out of the ordinary, just in case he was watching the place, all signals had been arranged. Turning lights on and off in a specific order would be their only form of communication. From the outside, to the casual observer, everything would appear normal...like she was going about her average evening. But each light and time told a different story, and any signal missed would bring everyone running. It wasn't a prefect plan but it did seem to provide the protection and security needed while making it appear she was alone and very vulnerable to another attack. No one was surprised when they passed the two hour mark and all was still well.

Sam had immediately gone in and flipped on her front hall light then on through her house and flipped on her back guest room light within fives minutes. She'd had time to recon her whole house and declare it 'safe'. She soon followed at the fifteen minute mark with a light in both her bedroom and bath, while the first two were turned off. At the next fifteen minute mark her kitchen light came on along with her dining room light as the previous two lights were extinguished and so the evening went. And every signal of 'all clear' appeared to the casual observer as normal movement throughout her house. And the teams fell into comfortable positions to wait. The anxiety level rising as each deadline approached then breathing a sigh of relief as the signal finally came letting everyone know 'all was well'.

If only they had known just how wrong they were. He had been waiting for her when she entered her house. Before her hand could connect with the first light switch, she had only had a split second to register that she was not alone before the hand came around and covered her mouth, holding her to his chest while she struggled unsuccessfully to free herself. Her last thought, that his other hand had eased it's iron grip long enough to flip the front hall light on.

When she came to she'd been secured in one of her dinning room chairs. She had no way of knowing how long she had been out. Head jerking up, she quickly searched the dark room trying in vain to locate her intruder. She could feel her anxiety level rising as she tried to free herself. She had been so focused on controlling her emotions, she hadn't noticed until now that he had again undressed her. She sit in the middle of her den, duct tape held each of her ankles securely to each front leg of the straight chair. Her wrist were duct taped together and pulled painfully tight behind the back of her chair and her mouth had also been covered.

But she wasn't gonna show her panic. In the field, on a mission, showing any kinda weakness got you killed. She was on a mission and she would do her part to see it through, to carry her own weight. She hadn't made it to 'Major' by falling apart at the first signs of trouble. 'Signs' her mind locked on to that one word, that one thought. She was not alone, her team was right outside. They would back her up. 'Sign'...'signal'...that's all that was required to bring all of them to her rescue...to catch whomever this person was. It wouldn't be long. They would be there any minute now...she hadn't been given enough time to make her first 'all clear' signal, so they'd be there any minute now. As she continued to try to control and hide just how nervous and scared she really was she heard the faint footsteps of her intruder coming from the direction of her bedroom. Her fear kicked up a notch when the evident before her eye's began to add up, and it wasn't an answer she was happy to be getting. It had to have been longer than five minutes. She had to have missed her first check-in with the 'all clear'. So why weren't they already here? No way had he knocked her out, stripped her and duct-taped her to a chair and disappeared all in less than five minutes. And now she was starting to get that sick feeling that maybe her abductor was even smarter than any of them had giving him credit.

"Major Carter, how kind of you to finally join us." Said the voice and Sam felt a chill run down her spine and freeze every muscle and cell in her body. She couldn't speak, she couldn't breath, she couldn't blink. Everything froze as her mind screamed, a bloodcurdling scream as it recognized the voice which would be featured in her nightmares until the day she died. That same tinny voice that had tormented her during her captivity with promises of all the torture to come. And here it was in her living room making those same promises again. And at that moment, she felt sure he could carry out each and every threat he was making. Tied as she was to her chair with duct tape covering her mouth she had complete faith in his ability to carry out everything he said and there was nothing she or anyone would be able to do to prevent it. With so much help so close by, so willing, she knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that her life was completely in his hands.

He had moved fully into the room with her, she could tell by the sound of his voice. She was following his movement around the room, always remaining in the shadows preventing her from ever getting a look at him. Reinforcing the point that she was completely helpless and he had all the power.

"Major Carter it's been so long. I hope you enjoyed our time apart. I hope it gave you a chance to think over everything we've had together. Did you really think it would be that easy to get away from me? That for even one minute you weren't still under my control?" He barked a bitter laugh at the very thought as he moved to stand behind her. So close she could feel the heat radiating from his body. Carefully he brought one then the other hand to rest just above her shoulder. Holding her in suspense of his touch. Controlling when she would be allowed her next breath, as she held on, eyes screwed tightly shut in anticipation of the contact.

"Did you really think your little juvenile plan would actually work on me?" He asked as one hand lightly tapped her left shoulder. "So many people just outside the door. So close Major Carter, so close, but of no use to you now. I told you, you've been left behind Major Carter. There is no one to help you, you're on your own. There's no one to save you. You will never be safe."

He continued to talk and taunt her, tapping her shoulders, then moving off and circling the room in complete silence. Leaving her to be surprised when he spoke again from a different location than she had expected.

"Oh I will give you this much, Major, your plan was excellent. A stroke of pure genius, the light signals. But ultimately doomed to failure. Do you know why? It was based on the belief that you have been free since last we were together. And we both know, you haven't. I've been with you every second...hearing and seeing everything. You'll never be free again. You will never have any more control than I allow. Oh yes, I could see you have been wandering when they would arrive. When they would notice the lack of a signal and realize you were in trouble and come busting in to save you."

And she watched helplessly knowing there would be no help for her from that avenue. She felt all her hope drain out of her with that knowledge. Her head fell forward with the acceptance of her fate, and before she could register his location again she felt the pin prick of the needle in her neck as he emptied the contents of the syringe into her system. It wasn't long before she felt the old familiar haze descend over her as her mind clouded from it's effects. And just as fast another needle on the other side emptied it's load.

He continued to talk much as he had during her previous captivity and it became harder and harder for her mind to follow most of what he was saying. At several points it didn't even sounded like he was speaking English as her mind floated in it's haze.

Sam could hear him as he continued to talk, same as before, telling her all the things he would do to her. Telling her over and over again, that she had been left behind and that these were the things they did to those left behind. That it wasn't personal, just something to pass the time. Something to amuse themselves with and break up the monotony of the long days and nights. Telling her over and over again, that no one cared, that she'd been left and no one would ever come for her.

He continued to move around the house, turning lights on and off signaling the all clear to the teams waiting outside to protect her at the first sign of trouble. Trouble she was already in, help she already needed. Help that would never come. He watched as the drug pulled her further and further under it's spell. A spell that would have her doing anything he told her. A spell that put him in complete control of her body and mind. And she was succumbing even faster than last time.

Soon, soon he would able to exact his just due from her and dump her back in the alley for them to find. He controlled her and he would teach them all who was really in charge, in control. He watched as he returned from his last signal as her head fell forward and all the tension drained from herbody and knew that his time had come.

Lifting her face and slapping it several time he watched and studied as her eyes fought to focus and finally lost the battle and rolled back in her head.

It was time. Time to move on to the next stage. Cutting the tape that bound her ankles to her chair, he freed both legs and stood back to see what her reaction would be. Nothing. She continued to float in her drug induced haze as he slowly moved in behind her to cut the tape binding her wrist. He began talking as he worked.

"You have been left behind Major Carter. No one will ever return to save you. You are our plaything now. You will provide us with many hours of entertainment. You will do as you are told, when you are told Major Carter, because the price of disobedience is torture, torture the likes of which you have never experienced. You will stand Major Carter. Do you understand me? You will stand and do as you are told."

And as soon as he gave the orders her body was in motion. Following every command he gave. She followed as he lead her down her dark hall and into her bedroom. She followed his command as he ordered her onto her bed.

And she waited as he crawled into bed after her.

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Come on guys just press the little blue button right there and tell me what you think. It won't hurt, promise. Zhaan 


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

* * *

Sorry for the long delay. It's been what ten days? I would much rather have been writing and posting, I promise. Still not well, but LanaJoy said the was okay to post...so here it is. Hope to have the next chapter done and posted shortly. Mostly I just hope there's still someone out there interested in reading this. Please do me a favor and let me know. Please review so I know you're out there. And for the ones nice enough to email wandering what happen, please know you are the ones who motivated me to get this one done even on my sick bed. Thanks a million. Zhaan

And since it's been such a long time I'm adding that wonderful television invention...'Previously...' just to remain you which cliff hanger I left you with last time. So now on with the story.

* * *

**Previously on Silenced Screams...**

It was time. Time to move on to the next stage. Cutting the tape that bound her ankles to her chair, he freed both legs and stood back to see what her reaction would be. Nothing. She continued to float in her drug induced haze as he slowly moved in behind her to cut the tape binding her wrist. He began talking as he worked.

"You have been left behind Major Carter. No one will ever return to save you. You are our plaything now. You will provide us with many hours of entertainment. You will do as you are told, when you are told Major Carter, because the price of disobedience is torture, torture the likes of which you have never experienced. You will stand Major Carter. Do you understand me? You will stand and do as you are told."

And as soon as he gave the orders her body was in motion. Following every command he gave. She followed as he lead her down her dark hall and into her bedroom. She followed his command as he ordered her onto her bed.

And she waited as he crawled into bed after her.

**And now...**

**Chapter Twelve**

She fought the drugs, tried to stay focus, look for any chance. Bound and gagged to a chair she knew she had none, she was totally at his mercy. And she already knew he had no mercy. She knew that first hand. But she also knew that to truly torture her and rape her, as he had repeatedly promised all evening, he would have to free her. And with that thought she had hope. Hope that when he finally freed her she'd still have enough of her own willpower left to be able to fight his commands and signal the others.

Whomever her attacker was, he was no slouch. Even given that he had drugged her and that she could barely walk without assistants, he was still taking no chances. 'Never under estimate your enemy', holding his knife pressed tight to her jugular they passed her last hope of sending a 'cry for help'...the light switch in the hall. He ordered her onto the bed and stood well out of her striking range, just in case she attempted to launch a last minute attack. Fearing that her last hope had passed she slowly crawled to the center of her bed, following his command, feeling her own control slip further away. Faking the extent of the drug's power would only work for so long before it really would have total power over her. Pulling every bit of her strength and resolve together she waits for the perfect time.

Without light he was left mostly to feel, as he slowly crawled in between her legs. He continued to talk to her as he made his way. _'You are the garbage they left behind. I am in complete control. You are not worthy of my attention. You are only here to entertain me...just something to relieve my boredom for awhile, nothing more.'_

She'd told them she didn't remember much of what he'd done to her...that was a lie. She remembered every minute of it. All the pain he seemed to so enjoy inflicting on her...both physically and mentally. This time she knew it would be worst. Somehow she knew. Knew he would leave her body and mind broken. She would not recover this time. You could feel the hate and malice he felt toward her. But why? She still couldn't place him. Had no idea who he was. Try as she may, she still hadn't been able to get a good look at him. Only silhouettes and shadows as he moved around her. Nothing about him seemed familiar. He was not someone she remembered from her military life. And it had to be military. Why else his obsession with 'being left behind'. Her mind continued to wander until she was snapped back by the strange sounds he was making. It had to be the drugs because she remembered those same sounds from before. She fought hard to focus hoping and praying for some flaw or weakness that would give her a chance to signal for help.

At times, he seemed to be talking to himself, rambling on about things she didn't understand. And at other times he would be scolding her for underestimating his abilities. For daring to believe they could best him. He seem to enjoy describing in great detail everything he had planned for her this evening and all the other that were sure to follow, when ever he wished. He had gone on all evening telling her how disappointed he was in her. Seeming to enjoy revealing all his plans and secrets because her knowledge of them could not hurt him. She would be powerless to prevent him carrying them out. So he told her everything.

"I'm disappointed in you Major Carter. Did you really think it would be so easy to capture me? If so, you are not the genius everyone says you are. It was amusing to listen in while you planned and schemed ways to catch me. Oh yes, Major I did say 'listen'. I can see even with your brilliant mind, you never thought to wander how it was, with a constant companion they never intercepted any of my calls. That's it Major. Your Colonel was correct, you can almost hear the wheels spinning in your head. I've heard everything...and I agree with you, this plan was almost perfect. The trick with the lights...pure genius in it's simplicity." He continued to ramble on as she fought the daze clouding her mind.

"Why would I ever be suspicious of something as casual as a light going on or off? I wouldn't...but your plan lacked one thing Major. 'Drama'. How boring. Imagine, telling the story over and over of the capture of the great villain 'John Doe Rapist'...I think your nice doctor called me...if all you had to tell was 'I turned on a light and everyone came to my rescue.'? I promise my version is much more entertaining. Don't you agree? I mean, think about it, really. 'I came home and he was waiting for me already. He terrorized me for hours while everyone froze to death just outside. Then he tortured and raped me and dumped me back in the same spot as last, all right under their noises. And he promised he would do it over and over again when ever he wanted, because no one would be able to stop him.' And why? Because he was in total control and he wanted everyone to know it. That's right Major, I'm in control and you'll never know another minute of peace for the rest of your life. Your life will forever be measured as 'life before I was left behind' and 'after'. And it will be a very long life I can promise you. I will make..."

That was it. All that Sam could take. She would not be the victim anymore. She would fight to her death, but she would not go out as 'the victim'. She was stronger than that and she would prove it. The wind was knocked out of him, he was momentarily caught off guard. Everything tilted then flipped upside down before he recovered enough to put things back on track. But that one moment had cost him all his carefully laid out plans for the night.

She had more fight left in her than he thought possible, given the increased dosage he'd given her earlier to speed this evening along. He had almost been afraid it was lethal, but he didn't have a choice, he was working against the clock tonight and his audience was only a few feet away. He had to be sure he could control her every move and thought.

'She was strong and she was fighting. Didn't she understand yet...prisoners weren't allowed to show spirit. She would have to be punished...made to suffer for her defiance.' Wrestling with her, rolling from one side of the bed to the other, she had almost made it. Just another fraction and she'd have reached the lamp. Not taking the chance of a repeat performance he angrily ripped it from the wall and threw it across the room hearing it shatter into a million pieces. But that was, at best, a temporary solution. Her next goal would be the other side of the bed and the remaining nightstand lamp.

'Her body should not be this strong. She should not have the will power or mental abilities to fight after all the drugs pumped into her.' Escaping the bed and fighting to reach her next closest light switch, he'd only caught her at the last possible second, dragging her body down along with a chair, sweeping the entire assortment of bottles from her dresser top. They fought, each having momentary victories quickly snatched away by the other. But he could feel her body losing the fight with the drugs more and more. But she was a warrior, of that he was now sure, and gender notwithstanding she could more than carry her own weight...even drugged.

Sam didn't simply want to signal for the others and sit back and wait to be saved. She wanted to make him pay for all the things he'd done to her, for all the things he had planned for her. Back to rolling around on the bed, she had again gained the upper hand. Reaching the lamp again she pressed the small switch on the base with the last of her reserve. All of her hopes going into that last desperate move. And just as suddenly...her hopes disappeared. She had nothing left to fight with, she had tried...she had failed. With the last of her will gone she was powerless to fight any thing he wanted to do to her. The drugs finally washed over her, drowning her in their effects. The fear, anxiety and paranoia consumed her. She retreated deeper and deeper into herself fighting a different type of monster, destroying her from the inside out. Lost in her own world, she could only cover herself to minimize the impact of the blows he rained down on her.

He was so lost in his rage he hadn't even realized...he was fighting her...in the...dark? But he had heard the lamp switch pressed...he had seen the light come on. But now he was in the...dark? Some just spirit knew he fought the 'good fight', agreed with his actions and encouraged him to continue. Gave him that little extra help and support when it was needed. Whatever the reason the light was not on. He was still safe. But it wouldn't last. At the very least he would missed the next signal and that would bring them just as surely as the Major getting her signal off. And so...he ran. Racing through the dark house and out the same door he had entered. He kept to the shadows and the less well lit areas to evade capture for as long as possible. But already he could feel the net closing in on him. Already he knew detection was inevitable. He would be caught and he would be made to suffer.

They were coming upon Sam's next schedule signal. The evening had been long and very cold. Sitting for the last two and a half hours exposed to the winter night weather had them all but frozen to death. Each and every signal had been made exactly on time. Not one sign of trouble...no suspicious looking characters anywhere within their target zone. No one was surprised...no one had really thought they'd be lucky enough to capture this maniac the first night out. But it had to start some where if they were ever going to capture him. And his repeated calls since the incident left no doubt that Sam was still in danger, therefore capturing this sicko had become everyone's top priority.

The next check-in was approaching, and as with each previous one, the anxiety level began to rise. And then right on schedule the signal was received. It took an extra second to register that the wrong signal had been received. A light had come on, but the wrong one. And just as fast, went out. Cliché as it might be 'If you had blinked...it would have been missed'.

Jumping into action everyone raced toward Sam's house, spreading out to cover all the exits to track anyone trying to escape the area. Jack's appointed destination, the interior of Sam's house, securing it and checking on Sam. As much as the 'man' part of him wanted to rush to her side, the 'soldier' part knew the place had to be searched and secured first. As he and Hailey went through the house checking and clearing each room they could hear the progress the others were making. Someone had spotted a man running a short distance from Carter's house through neighbors back yards, over fences, down alley ways. Secure there was no further danger in her house Jack made his way toward Sam's bedroom.

Even in the near total darkness Jack could see the destruction of her room. Even so, once the light was on he was shocked, it looked like a war zone. Searching frantically, he heard the strangled whimpers Sam wasn't able to swallow as she tried to make herself as small as possible, wedged into the space between her dresser and the wall.

The strong overhead light assaulted her eyes and exposed her to the danger of being discovered. Huddled up in the fetal position with her eyes screwed tightly shut Jack could see her once strong body shaking and trembling in fear. Coming into the room a few seconds later Jack heard the involuntary gasp Hailey released as she took in everything before her. It was obvious there had been a struggle, only the heaviest pieces of furniture still remain righted.

Whatever had happened, Sam had put up quite a fight before she could signal them. Jack's mind played out the different scenarios as he moved closer and closer to her. Trying to talk to her and reassure her that she was safe. His mind continued to catalog everything as he knelt in front of her trying to talk her out of her riding place. Trying to keep his voice calm and soothing he pitched it low and had to pop his fingers a couple of time to draw Hailey out of her daze.

"Hand me a blanket and get Doc over here, fast." He instructed Hailey once he'd gotten her attention. "Sam, Sam look at me. Can you hear me? Come on Baby, open your eyes, see me. You're gonna be alright. Come on Sam, give me your hand, you're safe now. I won't let anything hurt you. I've got you. Come on, look at me. Every thing's gonna be alright now. I've got ya." He continued to talk and coach her until she finally allowed him to help her out. Her eyes were glazed over and it was clear she could only focus on his voice and not the face before her. When he'd gotten her far enough out of her small space he wrapped her in her blanket and held her tight as he rocked back and forth with her on the floor.

He attention was split between the drama unfolding in her room and the still active chase. It seem to take forever for Janet to arrive.

"Sir, I don't understand, there hasn't been enough time since her last signal..." Trailing off Hailey inquired, not being able to reconcile all the destruction before her with what she knew to be the facts. She might have 'book smarts' but she was sorely lacking in field experience and it showed up glaringly in situations like these. Only paying the most minimum attention to her conversation he continued to sooth Sam trying to pull her out of the nightmare she had been forced to live again. He answered more as an extension of his own thought process than to correct her.

"That's because he's been here the whole time. He must have been in the house when she arrived."

Everything was slowly falling into place, things which had been troubling him subconsciously since the beginning were starting to make sense now.

"He's had her bugged this whole time. That explains the chair with the duct tape around the legs...he's had her tied up this whole time. He knew our plan and used it again us. It's the first lesson they teach in 'special forces' and I missed it. Damn. He's been ahead of us every step of the way."

His voice had taken on a harsh edge as he realized exactly how wrong everyone had been. All the torment Sam had been forced to endure while everyone waited outside. Sam's body was shaking violently and her voice was barely above a whisper as she confirmed his theory.

"He was here when I got here. He knew there were others outside. He said he could get to me anytime he wanted. Was gonna make me pay. He's been here all the time. Knows what we say, knows everything." Tears freely running down her face as she relived his sick, twisted revenge.

Shh'ing her and smoothing her hair he continued rocking her, trying to calm her fears. The full impact of what Sam must have been through all evening starting to sink in.

Rushing down the dark hall and bursting in, Janet was startled by the state of Sam's room. Going into full 'doctor' mode she took over Sam's care.

Turning her over to Janet's care Jack moved to Hailey's side, still keeping his voice low he ordered her to remain and keep watch over Sam and the doctor while he joined the others. He needed to be sure she was alright...she had to be alright..

"Doc?" Still pitched low he inquired.

"Go Colonel. I've got her. She's gonna be fine. I think she's just in shock, just catch the bastard!" Her voice rising toward the end and frightening Sam into another whimper.

Jack moved outside and met up with Dixon as the others continued to search. Their suspect had been spotted by two of Dixon's men, they had him in sight, they were closing in.


	13. Chapter 13

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Author's Note: Sorry for the long delay, not quite back up to speed, but getting there. Wanted to take the time to thank all who have reviewed thus far. It really means a lot. Zhaan

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Chapter Thirteen

And just like that they lost him. One minute he entered a dead-end alley and the next... he disappeared.

"What do you mean you lost him?" Jack screams with barely contained rage. "How the hell do five highly trained soldier lose one man? He continued to scream. Ranting and raging to any and all at being so close to catching this sicko slime ball, then letting him slip away. "I thought you said your men had him in sight."

He was cut off as Janet barged in to inform him that Sam was being taken to the mountain. The only thing able to pull him up short and interrupt the reaming he had planned.

"What? What happen Janet, I thought you said she was gonna be fine. What happened?" You could see all the different scenario running through his head as he tried to prepare himself for more bad news tonight.

"She reacting like she's been overdosed or maybe a bad reaction to some drug. I can only guess, but I'd say he's got her pumped full of the same stuff we found before. I need to try to flush her system...and fast." Janet explained as she turned him from all the others gathered to report to him before joining Sam in the back seat of Hailey's car and heading out to the mountain. "The best I've been able to get out of her, he never touched her, but he was in the house when she came in. It's more than shock though...I just don't know yet." She looked up and met Jack's eyes for the first time. Both sets of eyes troubled. It only lasted a moment before it was broken by Daniel rushing up with his own theory of the evening. Jack just did not want to be bothered.

"Jack, Jack." Daniel called already out of breath even before he started talking.

"What is it Daniel? Please tell me someone's actually caught this guy"

"Well, no. No actually it looks like he got way, but…"

"BBBBBUUUTTTTTTT!" He drew out with all the sarcasm he could muster.

"Jack, please. We found this man in the alley. He may have seen something that can help us. It couldn't hurt to question him." Daniel said trying to reason with Jack. Not an easy thing to do when he was in this kind of a mood.

"Fine Daniel, knock yourself out. Question away." Jack threw over his shoulder as he move to check in with the other teams.

They'd combed every square inch of Sam's neighborhood. A team had already come and gone after sweeping Sam's house. Again this man had been a 'ghost'. With the exception of Sam's bedroom and the duct tape on one of the Dining Room chairs not a thing was out of place. No signs left behind to attest to the struggle that had gone on earlier.

After searching, searching and re-searching everyone was forced to acknowledge there were no clues left. They were no closer than they had been before. A thorough sweep of Sam's house had revealed all the 'bugs' he had planted. He had been one step ahead of them this whole time. Only his own arrogance had netted them even this small victory.

Janet had spent hours trying to stabilize Sam's vitals. She had coded once, shortly after they had reached the mountain, in the elevator. Sam's system fought hard to reject the foreign substance she'd been injected. Even through it was the same drugs they had found before, the levels were so high it was seizing her heart. It couldn't all be flushed from her system. The injections straight into her jugular had ensured the drugs went directly into her blood stream.

Jack got off the elevator in a foul mood. All of their carefully worked out plans had been turned against them. Not only did they not protect Carter, they had actually delivered her into the hands of her tormentor and set back doing nothing while it happened. He could tell by the looks of her room that she had put up quite a struggle...trying to free herself...trying to signal for help. Three hours. For three hours they had all stood around doing nothing...three hours of torment and abuse Sam had suffered at his hands...again.

If...if they had capture the man it might have been worth it in the end. But no...they were no closer than they'd been before. Now, however the point had been brought home to them...they could not protect her. This man could get to her anytime, and anywhere. And he could disappear into thin air, if their search was anything to go by. He could take her from right under their noses and they'd be none the wiser. And that thought scared the hell out of him. How could he keep her safe under those conditions? How could he protect her? If her home wasn't safe with seven trained soldiers watching over it, then what would be safe? He felt the cold chill run down his spine at that realization.

He entered her room quietly. The nurse had told him she was resting peacefully now. It had been touch and go for a while as her body fought against all the drugs, but they had been able to flush most of them out of her system. They had finally been able to give her a sedative to help her through the last of the drugs effect. Without conscious thought he found himself brushing the hairs from her face.

He could see the bruises starting to show. He knew she tried to down play her looks most of the time...acted and wanted to be treated like 'one of the guys'. It was a cross most women in the military had to carry...'act like a man, but look like a lady'. And she would see each bruise and scar as another imperfection to be covered, to be hidden away. But they weren't. He saw them for what they were...Badges...they represented her struggle...her refusal to be victimized...her strength and will. With so many soldiers there to keep her 'safe', it was her own strength and will that had saved her. She should wear each bruise with pride. His chest puffed up...he was so proud of her.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting with her, watching over her while she slept. He remembered several nurses coming and going as the hours passed. It had been the early hours of the morning when he finally arrived. He'd promised Janet it would only be for a minute, but he wanted to be there when she finally opened her eyes. Wanted his face to be the first one she saw when she opened her eyes. Wanted to see for himself the toll last night had taken. She had just started to deal with what that monster had done to her.

He had held her and listened as she told of the nightmare she had been through. Her fears...her insecurities...her doubts. They had all come out during that night they spent together. She had finally acknowledged it all and started the long road to recovery. He just wasn't sure what this new attack would do to her. This could not be what broke her. She was stronger than this...she had proved she was. He spent most of the night holding her hand and talking to her...telling her how proud he was of her...how strong she was.

Jack wasn't sure when he fell asleep, but he woke to the feel of Sam running her fingers through his hair. Now, that was something he could really get use to every morning. In the quiet early morning hours, without the constant hustle and bustle of activity and hard glaring lights, it felt as though they were along in the world, and they took a moment to just enjoy each other's company. Still laying facing him, her other hand came up to trace the contour of his face while the other continued to play through his hair. A face she had studied and memorized for the last seven years. A face she had longed to have the opportunity to openly show such familiarity. As her hand moved to trace the lips she'd fantasized about for so long, his hand moved to her, intertwining their fingers and bringing them again to his lips and holding them there.

That was how Janet found them when she entered sometime later.

"Well I see you're finally awake. How do you feel?" Choosing to 'not' acknowledge any behavior on their part that might not be condoned as acceptable by the military.

"Fine. Maybe a bit sore, but other than that..." Sam replied as she finally turned to face the doctor while Jack continued to hold her hand.

"You had a lot of drugs in your system, what do you remember of last night?" Janet asked as she continued to record reading from the various machines she had attached to her.

Jack could feel the slight tensing of her muscles as she gathered her nerves to relive last night's horrors. Drawing strength from his contact Sam recounted as much of the night as she could. She went into as much detail as she could remember, surprising even herself at how clearly she remembered most of what she had been through. Both Jack and Janet remain quiet as filled them in, confirming the conclusions Jack had already made.

"When he started laying out his plans, telling me everything he had in store for me, that it would never end...I think that's when I got mad. I didn't want to be his victim anymore. I didn't want to live the rest of my life afraid of every shadow just because of him. I faked how drugged I was. I acted completely out of it and he fell for it. I knew he'd have to untie me and then I'd have a chance. It didn't come until he was crawling over me, but he was so sure of himself...so focus on belittling me...I got the upper hand. We fought...but the drugs were getting too strong...I was falling deeper and deeper under them. Then I made it to the lamp...I didn't have anymore fight left...I put everything I had into making it to the lamp...and I did...I pressed the button..." She stopped...staring off into space, clearly seeing the night played out before her. "The bulb blew."

No one said anything for several minutes, Jack and Janet both staring dumb founded at the realization of how close they had come to total failure. How close it had really been for Sam. Not sure how or what could be said in the face of something like that...and they were both startle hearing the small sounds of laugher coming from Sam.

"What?" She asked with total innocence. "Oh Come on, you've got to see the humor it all this. 'For want of a nail the kingdom was lost. For want of a light bulb the battle was lost.' It all came down to a fifty-cent light bulb."

"I think you're spending way too much time around a certain Colonel we all know." Janet decided. "You seem to be doing alright this time Sam. You seem like you're handling everything much better this time."

"I am. He's not gonna control me anymore. I'm tired of being his victim. And I'm pissed off that he would even try. He's not gonna take my life away from me. I want let him." Sam said with all the conviction she felt.

"Remain me to never piss you off then. I saw what you did to that room. Don't think he was counting on the 'Wrath of Carter' when he started this." Jack joked.

"Do you have any leads, or are we back to square one?" Sam finally ask.

"How do you know we didn't catch him?" Jack ask.

"Because it would have been the first thing you told me." Sam explained as she swung her legs around to get out of the bed.

"Just a minute young lady, where do you think you're going?" Janet ask as she moved closer to halt Sam's progress.

"We'll never catch him with me laying around here."

"Yes, well you're not going anywhere for at least the next twenty-four hours I don't care how pissed he's made you." Janet finished as she pulled the covers back up around her.

"But I'm fine Janet, just a little sore in places, I get worst than this in the gym."

"That may well be...but you coded on us last night. Your heart stopping isn't something you just get up and walk away from. Plus you've had some very strong drugs pumped into you. You're gonna have to give them some time to work their way completely out of your system. And let's not forget the matter of the mandatory visit with McKenzie after a trauma like yours. Don't even try. Twenty-four hours." Finished laying down the law she turned to leave. "Oh, and I'll have one of the nurses bring you some breakfast. And I'm sure the Colonel has plenty of work to keep him busy, but if he's got the time to spend in the infirmary maybe I can get one of the nurses to get started on his annual physical."

That got Jack out of there in record time.

"I see Daniel's still at it." Jack said as he pulled up a seat next to Teal'c to watch below as Daniel continued to try to get answers.

"Progress as been slow. He seems most unwilling to speak. DanielJackson has attempted to provide nutriment but he seem to want only to store it away for later. He seems most confused." Teal'c confirmed without taking his eyes away from the scene below. "How is Major Carter this morning O'Neill?"

"She woke up a few hours ago. She's handling everything pretty well. Doc practically had to chain her to the bed. She's ready to be up and back in the thick of things." Jack had to smile as he remembered how eager she was to get out of the infirmary.

They both returned their attention to Daniel and the scene below. They sat in silence for the next hour as Daniel continued trying to get any information he could from their guest. A few times Jack had actually felt hope rise that some clue this man had hidden away in his head might help. He kept coming back to the same fragment of thought or memory, rambling mostly to himself, as Daniel triggered powerful flashes of some event.

"Can I get you anything else? ...

Would ya like some coffee or maybe some water? ...

Can you tell me what your name is?

My name is Daniel...Daniel Jackson...

Can you tell me about the place we found you? ...

The alley where you were...do you remember the alley? ...

All of us being in the alley? ..." Daniel continued to throw question after question trying to get any kinda response from him.

"Gotta run, gotta run...

Their after you...pain...oh pain, must run, get away...

Walls, walls are everywhere...

Footsteps, footsteps, louder, louder...

Can't be found...pain...torture...

Must hide...

Walls...everywhere walls...

Walls everywhere...

But they won't see...secret...

Must hide...

Keep quite...searching...they can't see...can't be found...

Never see...hide...looking...searching..."

They could hear the slight excitement growing in Daniel's voice as it finally seem the right memory had been triggered. Daniel pounced, firing off question after question trying to get their witness to focus on the walls, places to hide within all the walls.

There had to be some secret hiding place down that alley, it just didn't made sense that their suspect had randomly chosen that alley. He had to know it was a dead-end. He planned every other aspect of everything he'd done so far. It was inconceivable that he didn't know every inch of Carter's neighborhood. He had to know that alley came to a dead-end, walled in on all three sides by two story brick buildings. The only alley in the entire area that came to a dead-end. No way had he not known that. Which meant he knew something about that alley they had been unable to discover thus far. It looked like maybe, just maybe their luck was about to change. Jack had unconsciously moved to the edge of his seat as he waited eagerly for this man to reveal the alley's secrets.

"Ah, Colonel O'Neill, the nurse said I might find you here." Dr. McKenzie said as he stepped into the booth and pulled the door close behind him. "I thought you might be interest in the results of my session with Major Carter. I will, of course, be following up with the full written report later today, but..." Dr. McKenzie had continued on with his reason for tracking Jack down without really noticing that both men's attention was completely riveted to whatever was going on below. Turning to see what had them so focused, he was stunned speechless when he recognized the man in the room with Dr. Jackson.

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Okay, tell me what you think. It's really easy, just press that pretty blue button right there and say what's on your mind. I'd really love to hear from you. Zhaan

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	14. Chapter 14

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**Authors Note: **Sorry for the long delay. Don't forget to drop me a line and tell me what you thought of the chapter. Thanks to all those who've reviewed regularly so far. Thank you it really does help. 

Also a couple of errors have been corrected thanks to some very kind reviewer. Thanks for pointing them out to me. And now...on with the story.

Zhaan

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Chapter Fourteen

"Why is Dr. Jackson talking with Mr. Issac? And what possible reason could he have to be in the SGC?" Dr. McKenzie asked dropping into his seat, and tilting his head from side to side as though, somehow, that would make what he was seeing clearer. He finally turned to the Colonel meeting his eyes and then on to Teal'c, the question still hanging between them. As focused as Teal'c and the Colonel had been on Daniel's conversation they were both now as stunned and confused as McKenzie seemed to be. It was several seconds before anyone was able to answer, Teal'c found his voice first.

"You know this man, how is that possible Doctor?" Teal'c finally ask, one brow raising as he awaited his answer.

"Ah...yes...well, his name is Adam Issac, he's been a patient of mine for some time now." Looking between both men he turned to regard Jackson and Issac in the room below them.

"And exactly how is it that the SGC shrink knows a homeless man we picked up in Carter's neighborhood?" Jack asked, sounding as though he was accusing the doctor in some way of duplicity in the attacks on Sam.

Sensing the doubt and suspicions growing in O'Neill the doctor rushed to explain. "I volunteer twice monthly at the state mental facility just outside of town. Adam Issac is one of the patients I meet with during my visits. He's been in and out of that facility for sometime now, if I remember correctly."

Dismissing the doctor momentarily, Jack turned his attention toward Teal'c, questioning "Has Daniel even been able to get a name out of this guy?"

"I do not believe so. It has been most difficult to get an answer to any direct questions DanielJackson has put to him." Teal'c confirmed.

"You can't honestly believe this man had anything to do with the attacks on Major Carter." McKenzie asked in total disbelief. "I've spent quite a bit of time with Mr. Issac, he doesn't fit the profile for a rapist. As a matter of fact, he doesn't fit the profile for any type of violence." McKenzie was quick to add.

"No. Daniel thought he might have seen or heard something last night that could help us find the man we're after." Jack clarified. "But I guess that angle just went right out the window Cause if he's a mental case, you won't be able to trust anything that comes out of his mouth." He said in total defeat. Knowing that they truly were back to square one and that now the threat to Sam was even greater. He had known that getting any kind of lead from this man was a long shot at best, but since it was their only lead, Jack had been willing to allow Daniel all the leeway he wanted to follow through. But now, thanks to McKenzie's revelation they didn't even have that. And Jack knew there was no way he was gonna sit back and allow Sam to put herself in the kind of danger they had the night before. No, they'd have to find another way to flush their 'perp' out into the open. Although, Jack couldn't think of another plan at the moment. In the mean time protecting Sam had become his number one priority.

"If it would help, I could have his file sent over and see if I can get him to talk to me. You know a familiar face, as it were. If I remember correctly he can be quite lucid when he's on his medication." McKenzie explained, willing to offer his services any way possible. "It may be as simple as treating him for a few days until his medication levels can be stabilized, then he should be able to answer any questions you have."

Frustrated at the hopelessness of it all, Jack turned his back to both McKenzie and the useless drama below them. He was a realist and he would not waste another minute of his time chasing 'ghost', 'hopefuls' and 'maybes'. After years of dealing with the Colonel, his dismissive, gruff attitude did not offend the doctor as he moved to the phone mounted on the wall and requested an 'outside' line. The reason for his initial intrusion completely forgotten.

Recognizing the fury building inside O'Neill, Teal'c allowed him time to come to terms with this latest revelation. He didn't have a very high opinion of Dr. McKenzie either, but he had seemed eager to offer his assistance anyway possible to aide in capturing MajorCarter's abductor. After O'Neill's abrupt exit from the Observation booth, he had remain as Dr. McKenzie moved to join DanielJackson and add any help he could in questioning their witness...Mr. Adam Issac. His skill and familiarity with the man had revealed several pieces of information he felt sure would have remain buried forever. Issac and the doctor had talked for well over an hour. It would be slow going with Mr. Issac, but he felt sure this man held the key they needed in locating their suspect. After spending the last few hours in the gym he was sure O'Neill had not been made aware of these bits of information.

Teal'c watched as Jack went through his 'cool-down' routine, allowing his mind to wander. He would never understand the Tauri ways and customs. They were simply too different from his own Jaffa mindset and upbringing. The Tauri treated men like MajorCarter's attacker and Senator Kinsey as though they had been wronged, never seeing what to him, was clear. These men had no honor. The Tauri did everything within their power to offer these men a second chance and forgiveness for any transgression they may have made. They allowed them to continue as the 'cancer to society' they'd proven themselves to be. While they took hero's such as O'Neil and put them behind bars for crimes they did not commit. He remembered how Kinsey had reviled in the power and control he had over O'Neill after his attempted assassination. He had even gone so far as requiring O'Neill stand by his side on national television. And not even O'Neill's argument that he needed to keep a low military profile had been enough to save him from his nationally televised appearance at Kinsey's side.

O'Neill had attempted to explained a few nights ago how the justice system worked. He had explained that even after MajorCarter's attacker was arrested there would be very little in the way of 'true justice' for him. He explained that the crimes of 'abduction' and 'rape' were viewed as 'redeemable crimes' and that every possible effort would be made to show him the error of his ways, re-educate him and prepare him to return a 'productive member of society'. The Jaffa way was simpler. He would die...by the hands of the one wronged or their protector. Plain and simple. He would die. He could see that same mindset in O'Neill's eyes. He would ensure MajorCarter's attacker paid for the pain and suffering he'd caused her. He would be made to pay. His crime demanded no less. He had forfeited his life when he harmed her, and it only remain to capture and carry out that punishment.

With no other real leads to follow he and O'Neill had returned to MajorCarter's neighborhood in the hopes that with a clearer head and new resolve they might find some clue missed from the day before. It all came down to the alley. Their dead-end alley. He had been with the team who'd spotted the man running from MajorCarter's house. They had him in sight until he'd turned into the alley. He had done is own check of the neighborhood before their stake-out and had known when he turned down that particular alley there was no place for him to go. And yet somehow he had found away out. He and O'Neill again stood in the alley where no visible means of escape presented itself. They had searched every inch of the area. Brick for brick hoping to find some secret hide-out invisible to the naked eye. But still nothing. If there was a secret in this alley they would have to depend on Mr. Issac to reveal it.

They returned to the base less than hopeful. Dr. Fraiser and McKenzie did little to raise those hopes as they revealed the findings of their initial examination, both physical and psychological, on Mr. Issac. Dr. McKenzie, true to his word had been able to get Mr. Issac's file released and now everyone had a better picture of the man they were all pinning their hopes. It was not a picture that inspired great confidence. If in fact he had the answers they were looking for, it would be a long, slow process getting to it.

Although Dr. McKenzie had only known him for a short time, his records showed a history of mental problems stretching back several years. He had been in and out of the facility McKenzie had treated him for over a year, but before that his record showed he had done the same in several other facilities around the country.

McKenzie had been able to pull together the last fifteen years of mental evaluations on Mr. Issac. He had lived in this area ten years ago then for some reason moved away only to return last year. Notes from several Psychiatrist suggested the possibility of multiple personalities, but due to funding issues those avenues had never been fully explored. McKenzie felt it might be in their best interest to explore it now. Reasoning that another personality, not the one dominant now, might hold the answers they sought. He felt that would explain his strange disjointed memory every time he was questioned concerning the alley and what had transpired in it that night. He was recalling only the parts he had been dominate during.

As disheartening as McKenzie's report was, it was Fraiser's report that shocked everyone the most. Any hope that Jack secretly held were dashed by her findings. Although he had never voiced his suspicion, on some level O'Neill had believed they would discover Mr. Issac was the man they were after. He had commented several times about 'the simplest solution...' Dr. Fraiser's report put an end to any hope along those lines. After her full examination, the full battery of test and blood work she revealed the true extent of his physical state. She comment at one point that his injuries fell more toward torture. She had discovered several broken bones, all healed poorly. His leg had been broken and had healed in such a way he was left with a very noticeable limp. He had missing fingers, severed in a way that could only have been done as torture. Because he always wore his skull cap it wasn't until her exam that she'd seen the burns and scars on his head where it looked as though his hair had been burned from his head. But by far, the worst of his physical problems turned out to be the mechanical voice box that had been surgically implanted after his vocal cords were severed.

After her long list of horrors this man had been subjected to. the room was stunned into silence. The sheer amount of physical torture this man had undergone boggled the mind and went a long way toward explaining his current state of mind. He had been tortured in ways that not even POWs were tortured. It also made them wander why none of her findings had shown up in any of the reports they'd received from the various facilities he'd resided over the years. It wasn't possible that much physical damage could be missed, but not one hospital had made mention of it. McKenzie's only explanation had been 'it wasn't within the scope of the assistance he had been there to treat'. Injuries the likes of Mr. Issac had also seem to point to previous military service.

But Mr. Issac, Janet told them had insisted he had not been in the military, but also couldn't remember when or how he had acquired his many injuries. Just to be safe she'd had Military Records double check his identity and they had not turned up a record of his service. The cause of his injuries might never be known. But Daniel being Daniel, decided to take it upon himself to solve the mystery that was Mr. Issac. Explaining to Jack that you could never tell what piece of information turned out to be critical and the more they gathered the better.

But Jack was a man of action and for all the talk the doctors had done, they were no closer to Carter's attacker than they had been before. The hope of getting help from this man was thin at best considering he spent his days talking to the people who lived in his shoes.

Jack could hear her indignant voice even before the elevator doors opened. She was reaming some poor airman a new one. Her frustration was evident, she had been so close to actually getting away, out of the mountain without anyone knowing and wanting to baby sit her. She had made it all the way to the last check point. The airman on duty there had been given direct orders not to allow her to leave. Jack had known she'd try as soon as Janet released her. Oh, he had to give her credit she'd played her part well all day. She'd avoided all mention of going home...she'd worked hard in her lab all day. She'd even shown up early for her appointment with McKenzie. In every way, it had been a normal day, like so many before it. So normal that sometimes you could almost forget all the trauma, pain and suffering she'd been through. You could almost forget that the madman who'd done those horrible things to her, was still out there, free to do it again and again. But Jack hadn't forgotten and never would. And while she might fool everyone else, she was not gonna fool him. Whether she liked it or not, he was not gonna let his guard down. He would protect her, keep her safe, even if she hated him for it. At least, he reasoned, she would be around to hate him.

"I've got it airman. I'll take it from here." Jack could see the relief in the young mans eyes as he handed over the responsibility of detaining Major Carter to the author of said order. Without missing a beat she turned her fury to him only marginally less threaten due to their rank.

"What's the meaning of this Sir?" Jack was always amazed at how much she could put into those three little letters. Like now...if words could kill, he had no doubt he'd be a goner. "I have not been confined to base. Janet has released me from the infirmary, there was no reason for this airman to detain me." She practically shouted, turning her steely gaze back to the airman. It wasn't often she used the full weight of her rank against those who served under her, but there was little doubt of what she was capable, and this poor nameless airman, who'd drawn the short straw and ended up as her last obstacle in her escape was sure he was gonna end up singing soprano...if he was lucky.

"So where ya think you're going all alone Carter?"

For some reason Jack didn't seem to realize the danger he was in as Sam turned all of her fury on him. The airman marveled at how calm and collected the Colonel appeared facing the killing wrath of one very pissed off Major Carter. He couldn't tell if it was just that the Colonel had somehow missed all the clues of her rage or if he just felt there was no real danger behind the Major's words. Either way he wanted very much to be anywhere else other than right here. He was sure there had to be some latrine somewhere maybe the North Pole or the Antarctic that just needed the cleaning that only he could give them. There just had to be. He continued to watch as the Colonel's attitude fed more and more fuel onto the fire that was Major Carter. Boy don't let her quiet, meek, reserve appearance fool you. He was living witness to the rage she kept bottled inside.

Airman Rogers send up a special 'thank you' to any god who might be listening as the Colonel and Major disappeared out of sight still arguing over her right to leave the base.

"I don't care what you want Carter. I don't care how 'gung ho' you are to get your hands on this lunatic. You are not going back to your house alone. As a matter of fact, you're not going back to your house period." Still using that calm reasoning voice that Sam realized grated on her every nerves more than anything in her life every had.

"But Sir..." She knew her own voice had moved up a notch and was boarding closely on 'whining'.

Sam wasn't sure exactly how it happened or for that matter when it happened, but somewhere along the way she had lost control and her right to choose her destiny. One minute she was go home to rest, sleep in her own bed and enjoy a little quiet time...and the next things she knew she was standing in the Colonel's spare bedroom staring at a closed door.

She heard him call to her, remaining her to hurry before their pizza turned cold, still using that infuriatingly calm voice. She could so see her hands around his throat about now, choking that stupid smirk right off his face. She was not some helpless victim who needed a 'knight in shining armor' to ride to her rescue and save her from the the big bad villain. Damn him, she was a Major in the United States Air Force and she was more than capable of defending herself. No matter what the Colonel said she was confident she could take care of herself. Hell, hadn't she proven that just the other night. Well she might not be able to control where she was, but that didn't mean she had to take any of this laying down.

Jack knew stubborn when he saw it. Carter was not happy with his high handed handling of her life. He had been expecting it, if truth be told. But this was not how he had envisioned their next time alone. Somehow, that dream had always seen them with far less clothes on. Maybe even being civil enough to at least talk to each other without the need of a door between them. Boy this was so not what he had in mind. He had heard her moving around in her room. He guessed getting comfortable and ready for bed. Her stupidness had kept her from even coming out long enough to eat. Her lost. He had ordered all her favorite topping, but he figured the hunger would drive her out in search of food when she was hungry enough.

Tidying up after his evening of pizza and beer he locked up and dragged himself to bed finally. It seemed like ages since his last good night sleep. He would sleep well knowing she was just across the hall from him. She was safe. No harm would come to her locked up safe and sound in his home.

That was the last thought he had as he drifted off to sleep. Her laying peacefully asleep only a few feet away. And it was a dream he would be able to hold on to until it was shattered several hours later by the bloodcurdling scream that tore him violently from his sleep.

To Be Continued

Please take a minute and press that little blue button and tell me what you think of the story.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

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**Author's Notes:** First I'm so sorry for the very long delay, but between computer crashes and my health crashing this last month this was the best I could do. I really hope there's someone out there still reading this. If so just a 'hi' would be greatly appreciated. Oh and I would really like to hear your ideas for this story. Tell me what you like, what you hate and what you'd like to see happen. Please help me out.

Again special thanks go to Jami also known as LanaJoy. She been there with me holding my hand and giving me ideas on what to do since the beginning.

I really hope you enjoy and would love to hear from you.

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Jack was out of his bed and in Sam's room, gun drawn and searching for Sam's attacker before his mind could fully register what stimuli had triggered his panic. Even in the low light that was streaming in through her bedroom window Jack could see the peaceful expression on her face as she slept. Searching for what had torn him from his sleep, he cursed loudly as his eyes finally fell to the television just was the terrorized damsel screamed again. Continuing to curse for the fear the program had caused him, he lowered and safetied his weapon as he moved to turn the television off.

He was caught completely off guard when he was tackled to the ground, falling in a tangle of arms and legs and trying to roll and pin his attacker below him. His moment of lapse should not have given his intruder the advantage he seem to have over him. Every move he made was anticipated and countered. The fight only lasted seconds, his body instinctively recognizing the feel of her body and fighting style.

"Damn it Carter, ease up, it's just me!" He shouted trying to make himself known. If he hadn't been sure before, he was now...she was more than capable of defending herself. He pitied the fool who tried to take her on in hand to hand combat.

"Sir? What are you doing in here? I thought..."

"Yeah, I got that. Now do you mind...damn that hurt...where'd you learn that move?"

"I'm sorry, I thought..." She continued to stammer as she stood and offered her hand to help him to his feet, until her eyes fell to his gun laying next to him. "Sir?" She asked totally confused.

"I heard screaming coming from your room." He tried to explain pointing toward the television..

"Oh, sorry. I must've fallen asleep during the news. I didn't mean to leave it on all night. I'm sorry if it woke you." She could understand his panic hearing screams coming from her room. But she'd felt so safe and secure with him nearby that she dropped her guard and for the first time in a very long time she'd allowed herself to fall into a deep, sound sleep. She wasn't sure she wanted to admit that to him. He'd never allow her to return to her own home if he knew just how frighten she was all the time.

"No problem Carter. Just try not to do that to an old man's heart too often. Not sure I can take too many of those." He said trying to lighten the mood and put her mind at ease. Of course, he was the one who'd been scared to death, so maybe she should be the one trying to calm him. Moving back to the door, he realized that in his haste to rescue her, he hadn't bothered to dress and was now they both stood in her bedroom in nothing but their underwear.

"Sir..." She began, waiting until he turned to face her. "Thank you. I feel very safe being here with you." She finally conceded to him.

"Anytime Carter, anytime."

They signed in the next morning, looking well rested and in much better spirits, leaving a very confused airman in their wake. After hearing the horror story from the night before the poor airman had been prepared to face down a fate worst than a legion of Goa'uld and their Jaffa armies. But the 'Big Bad Mean 'Major' was nothing more than a purring kitten, smiling broadly and brighten everyones day. He should have known Rogers was pulling his leg. He'd only been around for a month, but he knew that description of Major Carter couldn't be right. Not the Major Carter he'd come to know and secretly love. He watched as the two officers entered the elevator and disappeared deep into the bowels of the SGC. Roger's had to be crazy to think anyone would ever believe the monster he'd described could be their Major Carter.

Jack could hear Daniel voice even before the elevator doors opened. Already talking at warp speed to Teal'c who was silently following at his side headed toward the commissary. It was simply too early in the morning for Jack's brain to try to process 'hyper-Daniel speak.' Jack was sure he'd been main-lining caffeine all night to be able to carry on like that.

"Daniel! Breath! I swear your brain's gonna swivel up and die if you don't stop and breath sometime." He didn't have to understand every word to know what had Daniel so keyed up. He just did not want his day spoiled with more of Daniel's crazy theories. They had already wasted enough of their time chasing his false leads. Something told him he should have gotten off on Carter's floor. Watching her set up her experiments and test had to be better than this. He was just not ready to deal with Daniel this early in the morning.

"Jack are you even listening to me? Did you hear a word I said?" Daniel asked falling into to step beside Jack and leaving Teal'c to follow after them.

"No. I didn't. Who the hell could with you rattling on like that? What could possibly be so important at this hour?

"Jack...I said McKenzie thinks he may have made a break through with Adam." Daniel said, trying to get Jack to see the importance of the break through. It might just be the break they needed to bring the whole nightmare to an end.

When Sam finally joined the team for breakfast she found Daniel and Jack already deep in their debate. It was the same argument every time they were together. Trying to short circuit what usually ended in a shouting match she inquired of Daniel. "Why is Dr. McKenzie in this early?"

"He tried hypnotizing Adam last night and he thought a second personality emerged so he wanted to be near by if it happened again." Daniel was only too glad to explain, sure his theory was close to bearing fruit. He was sure Adam held the answer to finding and capturing Sam's attacker.

"He's a waste of our time. How many times do I have to tell you that? He doesn't know anything and even if he does you'll never get it out of him. What good is it gonna do us now to know where this man went? It's for sure he's not there now. The only chance we've got now is to catch him following Sam. He's gotta be near by to know what she's doing all the time." Jack had his own theory on apprehending Sam's attacker. One that he knew from experience stood a far better chance for actually capturing their suspect.

This was an old argument they'd had a million times since this all began. Daniel was sure Adam held their answer while Jack was equally as sure they could find her attacker by turning his own technique back on him. Following Sam would also mean they were following the man stalking her. By a process of elimination they'd be able to narrow their search. He would be some where in the background and they'd be able to identity him. As good as Sam's day had started she didn't want to have to sit through this all over again.

"Guys, maybe there's a compromise, maybe..."

Jack cut her off before she could even finish the sentence. "There's no compromise with Daniel. It's his way or no way."

"Oh, like you can talk Jack. You're not the only one worried about Sam here. You're not the only person that can protect her. And you're not the only person to decided what's best for her." Daniel shot back as his temper continued to raise.

"Daniel what could you possibly know about stuff like this. You've spent your entire life digging in the dirt. Studying rocks. News flash, you're not gonna find this man studying rocks and digging around inside some crazy man's head for a memory that's already useless to us." Jack was practically shouting. "The only way to catch this man is to get down and dirty just like him. Your book smarts aren't gonna solve this one."

Sam had had all she could take of their arguing. She had enough stress in her life without them adding to it. "Here's a news flash for both of you. This is my life. I can take care of myself. I'm not some helpless damsel waiting for you to protect me." Turning and storming out. Sam's outburst caught everyone's attention. She knew she was being insubordinate, but she'd taken all she could of their fighting. She was suffocating under their protectiveness...their control. She wasn't helpless but for some reason they both seemed to have forgotten.

The confused look on both Jack and Daniel's face was almost comical, as they were blindsided by her attitude. "What the hell was that all about?" Jack finally ask.

"I believe MajorCarter wishes some control over her life and neither you O'Neill nor Daniel Jackson seem willing to allow it." Teal'c informed both men since neither seemed aware of their part in her stress.

"And you know this, how?" Jack asked, curious as to how he could seem so confident of his opinion.

"I asked." Was Teal'c simple reply leaving both men speechless. Several minutes passed before Jack ventured to question him further.

"So, what else has Carter told you?"

Finishing the last of his breakfast and pushing his tray aside he filled both men in on what MajorCarter had been trying to tell them for several days. He'd watched fascinated as each man's became more and more convinced his approach was best and their over protectives instinct grew stronger. "MajorCarter has her own ideas for capturing her attacker. She has attempted numerous times to explain them only to be dismissed. MajorCarter is a formidable warrior, she has proven herself countless times on the battlefield. You do her a great dishonor dismissing her and her opinions on this matter."

Feeling properly chastised and realizing just how much their actions had hurt Sam Daniel was the first to move to follow and apologize. Teal'cs' voice stopped him before he'd fully risen. "In her current state it might be to your advantage allowing more time to pass." Teal'c warned.

"Yea, she didn't sound like we'd be her favorite people right now." Daniel conceded.

"Speak for yourself. I didn't do anything. She was mad with you." Jack defended.

"Ya right Jack. You're the one who's been pulling rank and ordering..."

"It is this very problem she spoke of. If you are to be of any help to her you will need to cease your disagreement and listen. Hear what she has to say. This is after all her life and she deserves some control over it." Teal'c pointed out before gathering his tray and leaving the commissary. He had done all he could to push them in the right direction. For a people as advanced as the Tauri, Teal'c was forever amazed by the double standards they held toward the female of the species. They spoke of the equality of the sexes but failed to live up to it on a daily basis.

They allowed Sam her space and time as Teal'c had suggested. They found her several hours later, as they expected, buried in work in her lab. She could've made it a lot harder for them when they came to apologize but she understood they'd only wanted to protect her the best way they knew how. Intellectually they knew she was more than capable of protecting herself...that she was every bit the soldier of any man. But their natural protectiveness toward her blinded them to that fact. Didn't allow them to see what their actions were doing to her. They were doing her a 'great dishonor' as Teal'c had phrased it. And that fact was proven as they listened to her layout her plan to identity her attacker.

Jack was forced to acknowledge that some where along the way he had stopped seeing her as his strong second in command and more as his second chance to right all the wrongs he'd made with Sahara. But Sam wasn't Sahara. She was every bit the soldier he was. Even in a situation as traumatic as this, she was still able to be the strong soldier he'd come to depend on in the field. And if he were completely honest her plan was better than either his or Daniel's. Searching her military past for anyone fitting their profile should have been the first thing they'd done, and exactly what she and Teal'c were doing. But he'd been so emotionally involved he hadn't been thinking straight. He'd been so wrapped up fighting his own demons that he'd failed her. But not again.

She'd been right when she said all their plans had merit and that each plan could help achieve their overall goal...capturing her attacker. He'd been so sure he knew best for her he hadn't been willing to listen to anyone else's idea. He would not make that mistake again. He had already called in a favor from an old black ops buddy and now Sam's leads would give him a good place to start.

Meanwhile he had promised he would join the others observing Adam's next session with McKenzie. Daniel had been there for every session so far and was sure he'd recognized some of the words Adam had been rambling on about last night. They gathered and watched as Dr. McKenzie took Adam through the relaxation exercises before hypnotizing him. His first words sounded the same as they had heard before. He went on from the personality they all recognized, describing landmarks and places Sam soon realized were marker of her neighborhood, billboards, the park, children playing. McKenzie continued to question him, trying to direct him toward the alley they'd found him. It didn't take long to see the transformation as a different personality emerges. Everything from his mannerism to his speech changed. His eyes became frantic, constantly searching the room...seeking any means of escape...a place to hide. His voice dropped to a frighten whisper as he dropped from his chair...hiding first under the table then from corner to corner, huddling and making himself as small as possible. You could see and feel the fear radiating from him as he mumbled some unintelligible words over and over before continuing on in his chase.

"He's coming...footsteps, footsteps coming closer...every where.

...They're every where...closer, must hide. Hide...must not be caught...

...running, coming this way...will be caught...caught and punished...punished...

...hurt...pain...they're coming...pain...more pain...darkness...dark..."

He continues to rant going on and on. Daniel's voice broke into on the quiet that had descended in their room. "That!" He explained as Adam began repeating the phrase he'd heard last night. "I know I've heard that before." Looking from one to the other of his team for confirmation.

"I've heard it too." Sam agreed racking her brain for it's origin, finally it dawn on her. "Colonel, I heard you mumble those words in your sleep off-world. When you..."

She was cut short by the expression on the Colonel's face. All the color had drained from his face and his eyes had lost focus. You could see the fear clearly written on his face as he fought some unseen demon. The expression was frightening, but only lasted a few seconds before his mask was back in place and he was the man she'd known again.. But it was enough for Sam. She could see the struggle it had taken for him to bury that fear and that had frighten her more than anything she'd ever experienced. Nothing ever got to the Colonel. But this had. Before she had a chance to question him he was out of the room.

"Colonel. Colonel." She knew he heard her, but he had not slowed his pace. He wasn't going to talk to her. What ever had effected him he was gonna bury it along with every thing else he didn't want to deal with. Breaking into a run she closed the distanced and caught up with him.

"Not now Carter." He shouted before she was able to question him.

"But Colonel..."

Drilling her with a look she'd seen many times turned toward their enemy, she froze in her tracks, never expected to see it turned on her. His rage was barely contained, his knuckles white as he fought to contain and bury the feeling she'd seen in that booth. "What part of 'not now' don't you get Carter?" He screamed before turning and disappearing down the hall.

Sam stood in shock, never had he spoken to her in that manner. Just a few hours ago he'd pledged to be by her side and help her, and now he was screaming at her. No one else had followed them out of the observation booth and for that she was grateful, she wasn't sure she could face the other right now. But it wouldn't be long before someone sought them out. She had to get away. She knew she was being too emotional, but that didn't stop the pain he'd caused. Without even realizing it she found herself speeding away from the mountain on her bike. The last thing she needed in this weather was to be out riding. But she needed some time to herself. She was just grateful her bike had still been in the lot. A few hours of riding her favorite trail would settle her nerves and clear her head. She'd be out and back before anyone realized she'd left.

She always felt so free on her Indian with the chilling breeze beating in her face and the wind blowing through her hair. She knew the Colonel hadn't meant to hurt her, she'd seen the look in his eyes as Adam continued to rant. Adam's words had triggered something in the Colonel's past that he'd thought buried forever, until now. She shouldn't have pushed, she knew better. He had just needed some time along, exactly as she did right now. A break from all the stresses of the last few weeks. She allowed her mind the freedom to wander as was only possible when she rode her bike. Her logical analytical mind was always at work on one problem or another every waking moment. But not so when she took her bike out. It was the only time in her life she allowed her mind to flow random and uncontrolled. The only time not planned, organized and structured to perform a certain way.

She continued down the mountain path enjoying the beautiful countryside, untouched by mankind, it's beauty found in it's simplicity. Snow covered the road and trees as far as the eye could see nothing but open country. And freedom. She had no reaction time as she rounded the bend to a giant boulder blocking her path. Swiveling and losing control on the icy road she plowed down the side embankment. Landing over a mile below at the bottom of the deep ravine.

Sam took a few minutes to assess her situation. She'd been so caught up in the feel of her ride she hadn't paid any attention to her surrounding. Who might have been following her and what trap she might be riding right into. The damage to her bike was too great, she wouldn't be riding it out of here and night was fast approaching. It would be totally dark before she could climb out and then she'd have to hike several miles back to the main road for any hope of help. It had already started to snow heavily again. Searching the area around where she'd landing and all around the wreckage she finally gave up hope of finding her cell phone and began to slow climb back up to the road.

Reaching blindly from one hand hold to the next she could feel the temperature dropping as night closed in completely around her. She knew she needed to move faster but the combination of the bumps and bruises she'd taken and the cold weather was draining all her strength. She knew that if she didn't get to safety soon she'd die of hypothermia.

"Are you are right?" Sam heard the voice calling from above and breathed a sigh of relief. Her strength was almost non existent. She knew that even after she'd made it back up the road she'd still have a long hike ahead of her. Very few people traveled this road, it's what made it so ideal to ride her bike. So this stranger was her salvation.

"Major Carter, can you hear me?" Gripped anew by fear she froze hugging the side of the cliff and willing her strength not to fail.

"Major Carter can you hear me? I know you're down there. Answer me. You need my help. You're gonna freeze to death if you don't let me help you. Say something." The voice continued to taunt her. She felt trapped. She couldn't stay huddled against this mountain forever, but she just couldn't deliver herself over to him without putting up a fight. She'd been beyond stupid coming out here alone. No one even knew where she was, that's assuming they had finally noticed she was gone. She could hear his slow descent down toward her. It wouldn't be long now. She could feel her fear rising.. Oh ya she might be a Major in the United State Air Force but that did nothing reduce her fear. She had suffered at this man's hands, not once but twice and she was not looking forward to a repeat performance. But she was completely out of options.

"I'm down here." She acknowledged reaching out and taking hold of his hand and sealing her future."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

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**Author's Notes: **I just wanted to stop and take this time to thank all of you who have been reading this story. As I said earlier this is my first attempt at writing and you have all made me feel really great. Thank You so much. For those who've taken the time to also review thank you even more. I've seen other writers say how much the reviews help and how it makes them feel...all I can say is...they were right. Your kind words are a great motivator. And when you find errors...of any kind...please, please, please tell me. How will I ever learn otherwise?

Also a very special thanks to Jami for everything she's done. For all the great ideas and plot twist and just plain hand holding through this. Thank you. And a super special thank you to Lilli for her beta work on these chapters. Folks she's in the last days of her pregnancy and she found time to go through all of this for me. There are just no words for that. Thank you.

I know this sounds like it's the last chapter the way I'm carrying on...it's not...sorry. More to come. So without further ado...on with the story.

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Chapter Sixteen

Janet was the first one to discover Sam was missing. She had gone by her lab expecting to find her buried in some project or another. She had noticed her flee the observation booth during Adam's session. She'd wanted to talk to her then, but Adam had to be her first priority. What ever memory he'd become trapped in had started to take its toll on his already severely abused body. His blood pressure and heart rate had become dangerously high, causing seizures. It had taken over an hour for her and her staff to bring his vitals back to within normal range and stabilize him.

But Sam hadn't been in her lab or the commissary or her quarters. She didn't want to be the cause of an unnecessary panic so she'd sought the Colonel out. He had been there for her, helping her through some of her worst moments since the beginning and he'd probably gone after her when she'd left. She felt sure he would know Sam's whereabouts. But no one had seem the Colonel either. They'd searched every place on the base and finally found him in the last place anyone expected.

His office.

But he hadn't seen Sam, or anyone else for that matter.

Now that Janet was face to face with him she could tell that something Adam had said had unleashed some of his long buried demons and they'd been exacting their toll on him. Janet could see the struggle Jack had been in all evening. But they were no match for his concern for Sam. His fear and  
worry for Sam was about the only thing capable of beating back those demons. They had already searched all of her usual haunts with no luck. They all recognized she was more than capable of taking care of herself. She had already proven she was more level-headed than any of them at the moment. He knew he'd taken all of his frustrations out on her earlier. But surely she wouldn't have been dumb enough to leave the base alone.

"Damn! Hell! I'm gonna kill her. I swear I'm gonna burst her down to Airman if she's left this base." Jack shouted even before they could finish filling him in. "So help me god I'm gonna kill her!" Jack threatened as he grabbed the telephone receiver. After a very short conversation he slammed it back  
on it's base, his vocabulary and volume growing. Through the screaming, cursing and raging, Janet could make a good guess what he'd learned but she had to hear it for sure.

"Colonel?" She couldn't bring herself to finish the question.

Just the sound of her voice was enough to drain his rage.

"She left the mountain. No one knows where she went. They said she left on her bike almost an hour ago. She could be anywhere by now. He could have her right now. She knew better than to be out there alone."

Acknowledging his greatest fear took all the fight out of him and he collapsed back into his chair. You could feel the fear radiating around the room as everyone tried to come to grips with the danger Sam had put herself in.

Teal'c was the first to break the silence. Even after living and working with the Tauri for the last seven years sometimes the simplest things still confused him.

"Could someone not simply call her cellular phone to ascertain her whereabouts?"

There had to be a reason the others hadn't already tried that option. To his mind that should have been their first step once they discovered her missing. He wasn't sure which part of his reasoning was at fault and the stunned expression on everyone's face wasn't giving away a clue what it  
could be.

After staring at each other for several seconds Daniel was the first to reach for Jack's phone.

Janet was the only one willing to acknowledge everyone's blunder.

"Because no one thought of it Teal'c. We were so busy worrying we weren't thinking straight."

"Hey, speak for yourself. I would..." Jack began defending his obvious oversight.

"No answer." Daniel cut in as his hopes faded. "It's still on, but she's not answering for some reason. It's not automatically rolling over to her voice mail so it's gotta still be on."

"Sam would answer her phone it she was able" Janet stated to no one in particular. "You need to find her Sir. Even if she isn't in danger from her stalker she in danger from this weather if she's still out."

Janet felt she had to point out just how dangerous the situation was for Sam. "Sir, even if her attacker hadn't gotten to her yet, she'd have to be injured and in need of medical attention, otherwise she'd have answered her phone."

They were racing against the clock. They had to find her before it was too late.

But Jack didn't need to be reminded; he knew what was at stake. He'd dropped the ball, again. He'd allowed his emotions to get the better of him. Again. She'd only been trying to help and he'd turned all of his anger and frustration on her.

If anything happened to her it would all be his fault.

But just maybe, they'd caught a break. He knew if she wanted to clear her head, there was only one place she'd go. She didn't know he was even aware of her most heavily guarded secret. Didn't know how many times he'd trailed her up here and stood back and watched her free herself of all her worries and pains. She'd come up here every day for months after Daniel's ascension. Every day she was on earth that is. She'd found the same sense of calm riding this long forgotten path that he found spending time at his cabin. And that thought worried him more than anything. Because anyone who'd  
stalked her as long as this monster, would also recognize the importance of the trail. They wouldn't need to follow her to know she would end up there. No, they could come ahead and lay a trap for her. She would ride right into it and never realize it until it was too late.

Daniel had been trying her number every few minutes since they'd left the mountain, with no luck. But luckily they had been able to track her GPS chip. But something deep down told him that it couldn't be that easy. Her position hadn't changed in the last forty-five minutes which could mean only  
one of two things. Her attacker had left it behind and Carter could be anywhere by now...or...that she had her phone, and wasn't able to move or answer. And lying in one position for that long meant if she wasn't dead she would be soon.

As much of a relief as he felt, at least knowing her possible location, he couldn't help the fear it also brought. In this kind of weather she should never have gone out. She would never have gone out if he hadn't taken his frustrations out on her earlier.

It hadn't taken them long to reach the beginning of her usual trail. It had started to snow heavily on the way. That was going to make tracking her almost impossible. Any tracks she might have left were fast being covered in the fresh snow. The sun had gone down and with it the temperature.

Speeding down the road he just barely missed colliding with the giant boulder blocking his path.

Swiveling and throwing his truck into a fish tail spin he found it hard to keep his truck in the road and not end of at the bottom of the ravine that stretched out at least a mile below him. He truck had come to rest facing in the direction they had come. Taking a few minutes to catch his breath and calm his nerves Jack finally chanced a glance at both Daniel and Teal'c to see how they'd fared during the whole 'near-death experience'.

The first question on everyone's mind 'How could Sam have survived?'

If she'd been on her bike, riding full throttle when she rounded that last curve she would have been forced off the road and down that steep embankment without the protection of a vehicle cab to insulate her on the way down. With the steady increase in the snow falling, any tracks her bike might have left as it plowed off the road and down to the bottom of this bluff had been covered in fresh snow.

With no path to follow and night completely blanketing the steep mountain side the odds of reaching her at the bottom of this cliff were slim. Calling out to her over and over and louder and louder their hope slowly died as they received no reply. Their search continued all night as they painstakingly worked their way to the bottom, hoping for a miracle.

When the mangled remains of her bike were discovered at the bottom of the ravine their hopes died.

They combed every square inch of the area, leaving no stone unturned, and still not a trace of Sam. It was as if she'd simply vanished into thin air. The area around her bike was track-free thanks to the continuing heavy snow fall. There was no clue whether she'd walked away unharmed or whether her  
abductor had been waiting here for his chance to get his hands on her again.

This had been Jack's greatest fear, and now it was coming true. Sam was out there, somewhere, at the mercy of this psycho and there was nothing he could do.

The sun was starting to break over the horizon, spreading it's brilliant rays over the thick blanket of new snow covering the area. The sight might have been breath-taking if any one had bothered to take notice. In their eyes the sunrise meant only one thing...Carter had been missing for over six hours. As much as Jack hated to think of Carter at the mercy of this psycho, at least she'd be warm.

The sun brought no new evident or clues to her whereabouts. The morning breeze seemed even worst than the night before. Jack knew it was time to call off the search. They had searched all the surrounding area at the bottom of the bluff and found no trace of her. They could only hope that if  
she had been abducted he would hold true to his previous pattern and dump her again in the alley behind her house.

There was nothing more they could do here. They would need to return to the mountain and regroup. Find other ways of locating her. Spirits low and frozen from a night of searching they returned to deliver the bad news.

Still discussing options for locating Sam, Daniel and Jack were both caught off guard as Teal'c came to an abrupt halt in the commissary door causing Daniel to collide full force with his back. Rubbing his nose and throwing Jack an evil look for laughing at his misfortune Daniel pushed passed Teal'c and on into the commissary only to stop dead in his tracks also. What had been funny moments ago when it happened to Daniel, suddenly lost it humor when he was on the receiving end of it.

Before he could even begin berating Daniel for blocking his path Teal'cs' strong hand landed on his shoulder, turning him to face the those seated in the commissary. There sitting at SG-1 usual table was Samantha Carter enjoying a streaming cup of coffee.

No one knew what to do, or what to say.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

After searching all night in the freezing cold and after all the worry they'd been through, finding Sam quietly sipping her morning coffee seemed more like wishful thinking than any reality they could wrap their minds around. They were almost afraid to move for fear of breaking the spell and plunging everyone back into the nightmare that had gripped them since her disappearance. But curiosity finally won out with Daniel.

Firing questions at her faster than she could possibly answer, he finally gave in to his relief, enfolding her in a fierce embrace just thankful she was safe. Sam could see the same relief on the other's face but was still clueless as to what had caused such a reaction. Drinking their coffee and feeling the warmth slowly spread, eating away the bone-deep cold they all felt, they filled her in on all that had happened the night before. Sam felt a fresh wave of guilt for all the worry and pain she'd caused her team. She hadn't been thinking straight when she fled the mountain, only that she'd needed to get away after her confrontation with the Colonel.

She explained her need to escape, leaving out any mention of the Colonel's role in that need. She explained her accident caused by the boulder. Her bike had fared far worst than her during the fall. She had not been able to find her phone and had started her slow climb back up to the road when she'd heard someone call down to her. She explained how her relief had turned to fear when her 'would be savior' called her by name. Her realization of the danger she'd put herself in by coming out along. She'd had no choice at that point, with the fall of night the temperature had also dropped and she had no where else to go.

But as it turned out he was her savior. Introducing himself as Harlem Beck, an old buddy of O'Neill; he had helped her back to the road and driven her back to the base. He'd said he would return later to retrieve her bike and deliver it to the Colonel's house the following evening, along with all he'd been able to uncover during his investigation.

All eyes turned to the Colonel as Sam finished her tale.

"What? I told you I'd called in a few favors. I thought he'd be able to help me track this psycho we're after."

Realizing they'd get no further information on the subject right now she continued to fill them in on her night.

"I got back to base a little before 2300. I didn't want to disturb anyone that late, and I definitely didn't want to hear everyone's 'I told you so'. I just went to my quarters."

Jack hadn't missed that Sam had neglected to mention the part he played in her emotional state. He felt like ten kinds of heel for the way he'd treated her. She had only been worried about him. Wanting to offer him the same thing he'd offered her. Pulling her aside as they all filed off to their different destinations.

"Carter, got a minute?" he asked, ushering her into a seldom used office. "Look, about yesterday..." he started wishing he were better at this. But before he could even finish his first statement she was taking all the guilt onto her own shoulders.

"I'm sorry Sir. I had no right to push you like that. You said you wanted to be left alone and I just wouldn't listen. It was all my fault."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had been totally out of line, taking all of his anger and frustrations out on her. The last thing she needed with everything she'd been through was him blowing up at her simply because she was concerned about him.

Thankfully, the rest of the day went without incident, a pleasant relief from the drama everyone's life had been. Gathering at the Colonel's to lay out everything they'd learned so far, spirits were high as Jack's 'black ops' contact revealed everything he'd been able to uncover. Working from the earlier research that Sam and Teal'c had started he'd been able to narrow their list to only two suspects. Both men fit the profile, having served with her during her tour in Desert Storm. One had been her wingman at the beginning of her tour and had been shot down, captured and tortured for weeks before he could be rescued. The other had been taken down on a routine recon mission by a lucky ground based attack. It had taken him ten days to drag himself across the border and to safety. Although her wingman hadn't held a grudge the injuries he'd suffered at the hands of his captors had  
ended his flying career.

Sam could remember clearly the agony she'd gone through during that time, the guilt and worry that had plagued her. The relief she'd felt at his return, until she'd seen the extent of his injuries and the amount of suffering they had put him through. But he had told her repeatedly that none of it had been her fault and that she should not blame herself.

But she had and she still did.

It was the second man which caused a chill to run down Sam's back. Over the years she had buried all of her memories him and his feeling toward her. Mel Hanson had blamed Sam for everything he'd gone through and he'd been very vocal about it. But he'd made no bones about how he'd felt about her even before that incident. They had dated once or twice in the States before they'd met up again. He'd read more into their relationship than existed and when she'd left him for his brother he'd never gotten over it. When Jonas was killed on an early mission at the SGA Mel had made sure he tracked her down, making sure she knew he'd blamed her for that as well.

Just the thought that he'd been transferred into this area was enough to set Sam's nerves on edge. She had no doubt he was more than capable of inflicting all the pain and suffering she'd been through during her captivity.

The evening came to a close on a very somber note, fear for Sam's well-being weighing heavily on everyone's mind.

Jack could see the fear on Sam's face.

Somehow a faceless monster fixating on her was easier to deal with. Putting a name and face to the man who'd tortured her made everything more real. It couldn't be written off as some random psycho now. Now she had a real measure of the hatred he felt towards her.

Jack's night was wracked with demons he'd though long buried.

But they weren't and they'd all chosen this night to come to life again. One nightmare after another. Images of the horrors he'd inflicted on others and those he'd had the staring role in. Several times he'd woken with the scream fighting to be freed. He'd held them in by sheer force of will. He didn't  
need to add to Sam's troubles. These were old demons and he'd had years to master dealing with them.

But some of the things Adam had said hit just a little too close to home. He'd unlocked doors best left sealed for all time. Saying things he couldn't possibly know. He hadn't realized how much he'd given away in that booth, but Sam had seen, had been worried. But instead of accepting her help he'd turned and taken all his frustration out on her, venting all the rage he usually turned on himself. He woke to Sam's calming voice...shaking him and bringing him back to reality.

"Sir, wake up. You're okay, open your eyes. Every thing's alright. You're safe now."

He didn't remember saying anything. He didn't remember falling asleep. But he must have. There was no other explanation for Sam being on top of him in his bed. She could see his brain fighting it's way back into focus, heart racing and violent tremors still racking his sweat soaked body. His confusion at their current situation. He might play dumb to everyone around him, but he wasn't. He had one of the sharpest minds she'd ever known. She could practically see him running through and discarding scenarios, trying to understand what was happening.

"I heard you struggling when I passed your room, calling for help. You were having a nightmare. You were struggling with someone. You kept repeating something I couldn't make out...a different language. It sound similar to the same thing Adam was saying yesterday." Sam tried explaining, filling him in on as much as she could. She could feel his muscles relaxing more and more as his nightmare receded further back into the night. Sam moved off his body to sit on the side of his bed as he moved to join her, running his fingers through his hair and scrubbing them over his face, trying to erase the last of the demon's he fought so hard in his sleep.

"You wanna tell me about it? What you were saying. It almost sounded like a prayer. Sometimes it helps if you talk about it," she offered already knowing he'd refuse.

"No. Not this. I'm fine. I'm sorry...didn't mean to wake you," he replied leaving the room. He didn't want to talk to her about any of the things that fed his nightmares.

Didn't want her or anyone else to know about that period of his life. She caught up to him in the kitchen, throwing back a stiff shot of his favorite aged single malt. It was such a waste, downing it like this, but it was the only alcohol left in the house. He had gone through everything else he usually kept around. He recognized his dangerous trend, trying to drown all his problems in alcohol wasn't gonna solve anything. Any doctor would easily label him an alcoholic and to some degree they'd be right. But he'd been down this road before. The alcohol might not solve his problems, but it would help him ride out the worst of it. And right now he was definitely suffering through the worst. Throwing back his third or maybe it was his forth shot he could feel the calming effect settle over him.

Sam hadn't said a word, just stood in the doorway and watched as he found his nerves in the bottom of a bottle. She knew that was an unfair reference.

She'd been able to understand most of the things he'd been mumbling. She had a pretty good idea of what had happened, what he'd been fighting and she knew from personal experience what it was like when those demons came out to visit in the dead of the night. She could see the uncontrollable tremors as he tried to steady his hand long enough to pour himself another drink.

"Wanna tell me about it? It might help." She offered as she finally moved on into the room, getting her own glass and pouring a small amount then taking seat at the table.

He didn't want to talk to her, she had enough without being burden down with his problems also. He'd never talked to anyone about the things he'd been through during those four months. Oh, the doctors had figured out most of it when they'd treated him in the months following his escape. It was impossible not to with all the physical scars they'd left behind, but he'd never acknowledged nor denied their suspicions. He'd simply buried it all as deep as possible and learned to hide it from those around him. He didn't answer her, wouldn't even turn to face her, not wanting her to read the pain he knew was written all over his face.

"I'm here...if you wanna talk. I can be here for you, if you'll let me. I can be here for you, the same as you've been here for me. And I can tell you, it does help. If you'll let me in, it can help. You don't have to go through it all alone" she told him as she finished the last of her drink.

She waited a few minutes, hoping he would take her up on her offer of support. But he couldn't. It wasn't his way. He had always been alone. He had always fought his demons under the cover of darkness, hiding them away behind his mask of indifference during the day. Sam respected his choice. If he didn't want to talk about it, she wouldn't force him. All she could do was offer and be there for him when or if he needed her.

You could see the toll and stress this whole ordeal was taking on both of them. The longer this continued the more noticeable the stress. Janet was worried for both of them. They covered their stress well, but Janet could see through their masks. She'd come in early in the hopes of finding something they could use to bring this nightmare to an end.

It had become their new morning ritual. After everyone's morning briefings and meetings they would gather in the observation booth as Dr. McKenzie continued trying to uncover any useful information from Adam. By this point even McKenzie conceded that Adam's memory would gain them little in their search for Sam's stalker. But with few other useful leads and the emotional investment they all had in him the sessions continued. Now even Jack O'Neill, in the spirit of compromise, sat quietly through the hour or so each session lasted.

McKenzie led Adam through his relaxation exercise in preparation for his hypnosis. Soothing music playing softly in the background as the doctor encouraged Adam's mind to open up and reveal the secrets it held. It didn't take long before the familiar words and images began to flow.

The ever watchful blue eyes always staring down at him, following and protecting him. Distinct smells, sounds and other images wove together to define the life Adam led on the back streets of Sam's neighborhood. The giant billboard advertising the newest eye care facility using a closeup face of some beautiful model with the bluest eyes imaginable drawing you in and implanting that thought forever in your subconsciousness.

Moving on to the chaotic and over medicated images his mind held from his time under the care of the state mental facilities. He had rambled on for nearly forty-five minutes before Dr. Fraiser passed on a list of questions she'd like posed to Adam.

The change was almost instantaneous.

The calm, relaxed almost floating sensation of the session turned to jerky, nervous agitation. Muscles clearly visible twitching and eyes darting from one point to the next. The tensing of his body as memory after memory assaulted his consciousness. But by far the most startling transformation as Adam continued to relive horrors that only he could see had started with the screams that everyone felt sure they would be hearing for the rest of their lives. The screams had gone on for longer than anyone would have believed possible. He had started the session sitting quietly at the table with McKenzie but now he moved from place to place around the room searching out places he could hide. Any place he could be safe.

Any place his tormentors couldn't find him.

A voice that had been almost dreamy now shrill as more and more panic fueled his behavior. His voice no longer resembled any sound they would have associated with him. And still it continued. His screams had been choked off as he fell to his knees, a voice so full of pain as he begged and pleaded for mercy. Offering any and every thing for even the smallest degree of mercy. The pain-filled sounds escaping his throat and answering cries confirmed that no mercy was given. His agony providing evident of some evil monster's work as each new cry for mercy failed and his body reacted to the brutality he'd been made to endure. They all watched on as his body continued to relive a nightmare that their minds could not even began to comprehend. Watching as he relived the pain and anguish of having both of his legs broken, his body crumbling to the floor as his screams grew louder and louder. His pain-filled cries growing into an entity of it own.

Watching as he relived what it had been like as his tormentors entertained themselves, cutting off fingers to pass the time when their days became too boring. When they used his body for their sexual gratification, passing him around and taking beats on how long his body could endure before unconsciousness won out again.

He continued, describing horror after horror. His body ceased to be any thing they would recognize as the man they had known only minutes before. Mumbling words and phrases none could understand. And still it continued. And if they'd thought his screams for mercy would haunt them forever, it was nothing compared to watching as his screams went silent while his face continued to contort in agony and his mouth continued to form the screams no longer heard. So lost in his remembered suffering Janet had a real fear his body might give out; just give up. Unable to pull his mind out of the memory everyone watched as Janet first fought to restart his heart. Twice. Then rushing from the room with her straddling his body, manually pumping oxygen to his lungs while others of her staff fought to maintain the tiny thread holding him to this world.

Those in the observation booth continued to stare blindly down on the empty room too shocked to even register the passage of time.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

Struck speechless after the horrors Adam had been subjected to, silence reigned in the observation booth, everyone having difficulty processing the evil that had been revealed to them. Even Teal'c, who'd been witness to more suffering at the hands of the Goa'uld than any of them, was left without  
words at the suffering Adam had endured. It was into that silence that Janet and Dr. McKenzie returned almost an hour later. No one had moved from their front row seat into the hell that had been Adam's life.

Approaching the booth, she was sure they were still in shock.

Janet's mind ran back to the morning and how she'd been searching so hard for a way to contribute to solving the problem still before them. She hadn't expected it to walk into her office and present itself to her. Sam had found her already hard at work when she arrived and had confided in her the  
suspicions that had been bothering her since the Colonel's nightmares last night. She'd explained that the Colonel hadn't been willing to talk about them, but she was sure from the parts she'd been able to make out that he was reliving his captivity. But what had really been rolling around in her head was that many of the things she heard him mumbling last night she was sure she'd heard from Adam, and that had gotten her thinking. The two doctors crowded into the room to answer the questions they were sure everyone had.

"Jan, what was that? What just happened?"

Daniel was the first to speak. You could practically hear the plea in his voice that it be anything other than what it had seemed. Facing him, it was brought home to Janet again just how naive Daniel was in the real face of war on his own planet. It was so easy for him to believe that evil on that scale could only be perpetrated by villains such as the Goa'uld. The others in the room, to varying degrees, had already been exposed to those horrors.

"POW" was all Sam said even before Janet could began to explain. "Prisoner of War". She expanded.

"Indeed." Teal'c agreed, his deep baritone voice somehow making it even more chilling than the whispered words Sam had just uttered.

"Yes." Janet confirmed, not that there'd been any doubt before. "I played a hunch after I spoke without this morning". Janet said to Sam. "Even though Adam's records don't indicate a military background, it's the only reasonable explanation for his physical condition. I had meant to follow up on that discrepancy after his first examination, but it somehow became less important in the face of what we were dealing with at the time. And then I just forgot all about it. But after our conservation this morning I sent his blood and prints to military records. Nothing had come back on our initial search for an 'Adam Issac', but if that wasn't his real name, then it wouldn't. What I got back just before Adam's session confirmed my suspicion. Records did find a match. His prints and blood came back a match to a 'Joe Turner' listed deceased in 1973. It wouldn't be the first time records were incorrect, most likely just some clerical error" Janet finished.

No one had really noticed how quiet Jack had been throughout everything, until he finally spoke up.

"The records aren't wrong. Joe Turner died in 1973."

The dead calm with which his made that statement left no room for doubt. And if the voice alone hadn't been enough proof, one look at his face confirmed its truth.

No one who knew Jack ever doubted that the mask he wore hid a multitude of life's horrors. But what they saw now hinted at a depth of pain and sorrow that would dwarf what they'd just witnessed from Adam. Jack held their stares for several heartbeats before he slowly rose and left the room. He knew it would appear to everyone that he was simply being pigheaded and stubborn and that worked just fine for him. They need never know of the internal battle being fought, a battle that even with all of his years of fighting he was losing. It had taken every ounce of will he'd amassed over his life to keep his mask in place and not allow them to see the toll these past few hours had taken on him. He was sure if he'd moved one second later it would've all come spilling out of him. All the dark secrets, the fears, the pain, the sorrow; the scars that even thirty years later had not begun to heal.

He made his escape, wishing and praying he could go some place solitary to bleed out all the nightmares ripping his soul to shreds. But that would only give ground to his enemy and show the weakness he was trying so hard to bury again. Falling back on habit, habit built over the years for just such occasions, he marched through the halls of the SGC with his same measured steps and calm air of total indifference as though he hadn't a care in the world.

Sam had been the first to rise after Jack undramatic exit. Even if the others hadn't seen, she knew the weight he was carrying. But before she could make more than a single step Janet's voice reached her.

"Sam."

A single word spoken only sightly above a whisper carrying understanding and a more level head than she'd ever be able to claim. She understood the wisdom of allowing him his space, in her head, but her heart fought a battle that said she could ease the pain if only he'd let her. After fighting this same battle yesterday she knew her offer was not the answer, but it didn't stop the need to try.

The others had sensed the struggle and politely chosen to allow them privacy, leaving only the two women to settle the matter. A conversation that encompassed a million words and even more emotion was fought in the space of a heartbeat and with only a single look before the women too, followed the men from the room.

The day dragged on, duties were performed, test were run, reports were written and the day drew to a close. Grudgingly Sam had to agree with Janet's evaluation and Jack's need for space. Staying on base for the night would allow him time and privacy to deal with his demons as he'd always done.

It was a testament to his internal struggle that Jack had not even given thought to Sam's arrangement for the night. Leaving the base for home with only a single detour before breathing a sigh of relief when he was once again safe behind closed doors. The cold and chill seems to soak through his bones stealing away any warmth he been given in recent years. He moved about his house on automatic pilot lighting a fire and going about a routine as ingrained as every other part of his life.

He had no idea how long he'd been seating in his living room staring into the roaring fire when be became aware of a second presence in the room.

"You know most people actually lock their doors at night. It works so much better that way." Dixon said as he made himself comfortable in Jack's large recliner.

"Thought I'd just save myself the trouble of getting up when well meaning friends drop by uninvited" Jack replied without ever taking his eyes from the fire.

"Yeah well, if you'd invite a guy every once in a while I wouldn't always have to be 'uninvited'. Besides, who else would come to see ya?" Dixon shot back.

"Nobody if they know what's good for them" a second voice answered, closing the door behind him as he made his way down into the living room and made himself at home. Harlem gave a short nod to Dixon. "Dix ... how's it hanging?"

The men fell into a comfortable silence for a few minutes. "You do realize those things work better when you mix 'em." Harlem pointed out, eying the still sealed bottle of Scotch sitting in front of Jack and the glass of slowing melting ice.

It wasn't long before the three buddies were laughing and swapping old war stories, most embarrassing moments and memories of their youth and innocences.

"...and how was I supposed to know she was the constable's daughter? You conveniently neglected to mention that fact when you dared me to kiss her" Jack complained good-naturedly.

"Hey, is it my fault you didn't do a little recon before waltzing up to her in a full bar and sweeping her into your arms and laying one on her that had her face disappearing for a week" Dixon defended before both men broke into laughter at Jack's expense.

"He didn't!" Harlem exclaimed between bouts of laughter.

"Oh but he did. Won the bet and the whole pot we had on the table that night" Dixon explained, still with a glint in his eyes.

"Yeah, fat lot of good it did me. It wasn't enough to get me out of jail though, was it? I barely made it back to base before roll call thanks to you" Jack whined, but able to see the humor all these years later.

"And what about you Dix? Ever get caught with the constable's daughter, or anyone else's daughter for that matter?" Harlem asked when he could breathe again.

"Hell no. Are you kidding? Sue'd have skinned me alive. I was convinced she had spies everywhere. Hell, she knew every time I even looked at another woman. She may be small and all that, but don't let that fool ya. She's got a kidney punch I swear could've taken out Ali in one round."

"You are soooo whipped." Both Jack and Harlem said at the same time.

"And ain't even gonna deny it." Dixon admitted as though it were a badge of honor. "She's the only woman for me and has been since we were six."

A dreamy faraway look stole over his face.

"You give men everywhere a bad name." Harlem proclaimed.

"So not my problem gentlemen. Can I help it if you two guys haven't been as lucky?

"Yeah, right. Lucky. Don't think I was built to stay with one woman that long." Harlem admitted.

"And your three ex-wives would agree, I'm sure." Dixon agreed.

The jovial mood was slowly turning sombre as each man seem to get lost in their own individual thoughts. Snapping out of his thoughts Harlem remembered why he'd stopped by in the first place.

"Got a bit more info on Hanson today" He informed Jack, pulling him back to the present. "Showed his picture around Carter's neighborhood. Couple people remembered seeing him in the area. And from what I hear he's not being shy about his opinion of her to any body he can get to listen. He's a real nut job. Everybody I talked to thinks he's just this side of a 'Ted Bundy'" Harlem finished, shaking his head.

"Yeah, his bother was a piece of work too. Must run in the family. And just as fixated on Carter too. 'Lunatic Fringe' I think she called him. She's got enough drama going on in her life, she doesn't need another Hanson stalking her." Jack told both men.

"Speaking of drama, what happened today? Everybody was talking about it when we got back." Dixon asked. Having been off-world for the last few days he'd caught bits and pieces during his post-mission checkup in the evening.

" Oh that. Turns out the homeless man Daniel brought in for questioning was a POW and had some major flashbacks today." Jack filled in, hitting the high points and not wanting to think about how much they had affected him.

He'd be having flashbacks back to his time in Iraq for the next year after everything Adam's break through had stirred up for him.

"I thought they said he hadn't been in the military?" Dixon was sure he remembered being told that.

"Ya well doc seems to think it was because he's now going by a different name. But the one she found isn't right either" Jack was quick to add.

"How can you be so sure?" Dixon wanted to know.

Jack's eyes lost their focus as he again revisited memories he'd much prefer stay buried.

"Because I knew the man she's claiming him to be. Joe Turner died in 1973. I was there. I saw him die." Jack voice had turned to a chilling monotone as image after image assaulted his consciousness.

The house that had only moments ago been bursting with laughter became a tomb as both men waited for Jack's explanation. Some things could not be rushed. Some things had to be allowed to come at their own time and speed. It was clear to both men that whatever was locked away in Jack's memory was not something he wanted to willingly relive. They each had more than their shared of the same, memories they'd never shared with another soul; and prayed they'd never have to.

It was several long silent minutes before Jack began. His voice giving nothing away, no inflection, no emotion, no feeling. Only a monotone measured delivery of a nightmare that had chased him across time and distance to wrestle its way into the light of day once more.

"My last year at the Academy I was fooling around with this assignment one of my instructors gave us. Something about what improvements we'd made to increase our odds of success at war or some such thing." His breath puffed out a couple of times as his mind continued to play out the events that had not been acknowledged in decades.

"Anyway I came up with is big huge honkin gun. Light weight, scoped and packing ordnance that could take out a small town a couple of miles away and leave a smoking crater big enough to lose a fleet of C-14s. It worked so damn well that by the time I graduated they were already putting it into practical use. The only problem was they didn't have a lot people trained to use it when they wanted to put it out in the field. They kept it under such tight wraps there were only three or four men who'd ever trained on it. And me of course" he said, Bitterness being the first emotion he expressed.

"Even before I graduated they started trying to recruit me into special forces as a stepping stone for black ops where the weapon was being used exclusively. But I wanted to be a pilot, up in the clouds flying free. Every time they approached me I turned them down. My CO told me that was the quickest way to go nowhere in this man's army. They might be phrasing it like a request, but if I kept saying no I soon find myself at some remote outpost scrubbing latrines. But that stubborn 'O'Neill' gene just wouldn't cave in. It was gonna be my way or no way. So I just kept saying no."

He exhaled deeply as he seem to finally be getting to the heart of the matter.

"One day they had us all out for a four day survival training trek, with full gear. 110 degree weather that had you soaked before you got to the grounds with your 40 pound backpacks on...after which the heavens politely opened up and sent down great buckets of rain, or but not just rain I mean freezing rain with hail storm balls the sized golf balls, and soft balls, and even a few that felt like melons. In short...the march from hell. And just as we were being ordered to start marching the Base CO appeared in front of our drill Sargent , stopping him in his tracks and what had to be a very well- rehearsed speech. Everyone stood a little straighter and awaited the bad news."

"'Airman O'Neil step forward.'" He shouted like he wasn't standing right in front of me. Or else he thought I was deaf. 'You're off this training, you're to report to hanger 4 where you'll be completely briefed on your assignment. Hop to it Airman. That's over 5 miles to the other side and they're expecting you there in...' He made a great show of checking and double checking his watch, tapping the crystal top then finally deciding on a time and proudly proclaiming to every one within earshot that I had less than four minuted to introduce my sorry ass to my new CO. And, of course, I took off at my best jog already knowing I couldn't make it in time. Just when I was ready to drop this jeep pulls up beside me. 'O'Neill? What're you doing out here? We came to pick you up and someone told us you'd already left.' He had me out there running for nothing."

Shaking his head as the thought struck him again.

"Anyway, I found out about the mission. It wasn't a request this time. The mission was critical. The weapon was needed. The only man on base trained to use it was headed into surgery with appendicitis. So...that meant I was their only chose. I didn't need to know anything except how to operate the weapon when we got to the target. That's all I was told and we were in the air."

The room was silent for a long beat as Jack lost himself completely in the past. Neither man willing to push, willing to allow the story to unfold at its own pace.

"It was the first time I'd ever been in a combat situation. The first time 'war' wasn't a game played out during training. The team CO just kept telling me all I had to do was concentrate on the weapon, they'd take care of everything else. I thought we'd trained enough that I could handle myself. I got to believe that until we touched down." Jack went silent again, staring into the fire as the memories assaulted him.

"They put us down in a blood bath. As far as you could see...bodies...body parts...and the smells...the sounds. Men everywhere...arms and legs blown off...begging for help...pleading with us to end their misery. One man grabbed my leg...one leg gone...not even sure he could see who he was talking to...begging me to tell his wife and children how much he loved them...I...I..."

Unable to speak for a few minutes, each man battling demons they'd long ago consigned to the darkest recesses of their mind.

"They pulled me along, dodging gunfire and passed more death and destruction than I could get my mind to process. Got us into position and set up...Gordon went down while I was trying to line up the target...my hands were shaking so bad it took three attempts before I could get it. And all the time people were falling around me. Screaming...crying...pleading...begging. But it was like I was the only one who heard it though, nobody else paid it any attention...just kept moving...doing what they were doing...whatever they were doing. I took out the target in one shot...and for a few minutes after the sound of the explosion there was dead silence...no one moved...no one seemed to be breathing. Most of the enemy forces had been taken out in the explosion. But then everything started happening at once. The guys I was with started hustling me out of there. Said they had orders to keep me safe and to get me and the weapon back to safety and undamaged. We made it almost to the pickup point before we were surrounded by one of the enemy units that had survived the explosion. The three us were pinned down. I didn't know which way to look...what to do...I should never have been out there with no training. I was more of a danger to them than the enemy."

The anger and rage showed momentarily in his face and voice.

"And then...then...Joe shoved me to the ground...rolling and landing on my back I looked up in time to see him lifted of the ground with the impact of the round that hit him in the back. He had this...surprised look on his face...like he couldn't believe what was happening to him...like it couldn't be real. He just hung there in the air for a minutes...looking down and rubbing his shirt...staring at his hands and all the blood they had on them. And then he just crumbled to the ground...like someone cut all his strings...his mouth was moving but no sound came out. I was close enough to touch him. Laying in his blood as it continued to pool around him. And all my mind to do was think how warm it felt...how much of it there was. I didn't know the human body had that much blood in it. And staring into his eyes as his mouth continued to move. And he was staring right back at me. Trying so hard to tell me something...trying so hard to make me understand something. I didn't know what to do...I didn't know what to say...I just lay there...watching him...until...he finally...closed his eyes. And I was still staring. I was laying in what he needed to live...it was all over me...and I didn't know what to do."

No one in the room seem to be breathing or moving as Jack continued to relive one of his worst nightmares.

"Then I heard Pierce yell at me to grab his dog tags. He could've been speaking a different language for all I understood. He grabbed at the dog tags with one hand and me with the other...stuffing the tags in my hand and trying to lay down cover fire as he continued to push me toward the chopper that was barely touching down. I'd taken a couple of shots and gotten really banged up and couldn't remember getting any of it. The pilot keep yelling for us to hurry and Pierce keep pushing me...until we reached the chopper...and he shoved me in and fell on top of me. I don't remember making it back to base...I don't remember the chopper ride. The next thing I knew I was laying in a hospital all beat up and bandaged with machines all around me." For the first time Jack looked away from the fire, finally making eye contact with the other men in the room.

"The doctor told me it had been touch and go for a long while...that I'd been out for two weeks...that I was the only one to make it back alive. They'd had several specialists working on me for hours in surgery. I'd busted up a knee somehow...broke both arms...dislocated a shoulder...had to remove my spleen...not even sure what they were saying. I was flat on my back for six months...then another six of therapy...and I was the survivor...the only survivor. They all got killed trying to get me...ME...me...out safe."

The rage he'd felt with his last words died as quickly as it came. Leaving Jack once again staring with unfocused eyes into the fire.

"So yeah, I'm sure Joe Turner died. Died protecting my sorry ass along with the others. All because of me. All of them died. And all I could do was stare at them. Knowing it was all my fault. I was the green kid everybody had to babysit with their lives...forget about their families and friend...just me.

To Be Continued


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Notes: **So, so sorry for the long wait. I hope there's still someone out there wanting to read. Barring any major re-writes I've actually finished so there shouldn't be anymore long breaks. There are still five or six chapters until the end, all of them finished except for the epilogue. I'd like to ask for your help...if there are any questions, or things you want to make sure I cover before this is over either put them in the reviews or drop me an email with them. I really like to hear from you.

**Author's Note: **Next, and most importantly I'd really like to thank everyone who's been reading this and those who've been emailing during this long break. It motivated me to keep writing. Thanks so much.

**Author's Note: **Also a very special thanks to Lilli for her great beta job on this chapter. I should never had bothered you with a new baby. Like I can't remember what that was like. Thank you so much. And guys she's got a beautiful baby, just adorable. And as always many, many thanks to Jami who's been my sounding board and inspiration since this started. Again thanks to everyone who's reviewed or put this story on their 'alert' list or favorite. You've made my first and only attempt at writing and very enjoyable experience. Thank You. Any remaining errors are all my fault so please tell me what they are.

_**And now on with the story... **_

**Chapter Nineteen**

The next few days felt like 'old times'.

At Janet's recommendation, SG- had been returned to 'active duty'. With the stresses the team had been put through in recent weeks, a simple off-world recon mission was just what the doctor ordered.

Shipping out at 1100 hour day the morning after Adam's breakdown they had three days to scout the planet that initial MALP readings had shown was uninhabited. They'd found evidence of a centuries- old civilization not too far from the gate, and Sam had even seen evidence of several impressive veins of naquadah in the nearby hillside. For once, luck was on their side and no nasty Jaffa showed up to ruin anyone's fun. A nice quiet, boring planet with trees, trees and more trees. Even Jack couldn't find fault as he lounged around keeping watch while his two scientist played in the dirt.

Everyone returned far more relaxed and at ease than they'd been in a very long time. Everyone's post-mission physicals went smoothly. For once, Daniel hadn't so much as broken a nail. Jack even commented that for once their debriefing was actually...'brief'. Everyone filed out of the briefing room, a full day's work ahead of them, before heading home for a nice peaceful weekend. Jack reluctantly entered his office to at least make a show of working on his reports. Much to his surprise what he found was a message from Harlem. It had to be urgent for him to try reaching him at this number. He was almost afraid to return his calls when he discovered just how many messages he'd left. Someone at the switchboard had delivered over a dozen messages from him. Oh well, sticking his fingers in his ears and humming loudly wouldn't make them go away. So shoring up his nerves, he made the call, sure that everyone's 'happy bubble' was about to be burst.

Jack rushed through the halls of the SGC hoping to catch everyone before they had a chance to get too deep into their own work. It would be so much easier to fill everyone in at the same time instead of having to re-tell his story over and over again. He found Daniel and Janet in the commissary discussing their evening plans. Dragging them along he added Teal'c to their number as they all headed toward Carter's Lab.

The tension in the room was thick enough to cut with a knife as they each braced for more bad news. Jack had had a few minutes to think about everything he'd learned but he still wasn't sure how to deliver the news. So much had happened that he hardly knew where to begin.

'Okay, I just got off the phone with Harlem. Lot's happened while we were off-world." Jack explained as everyone fidget about with nervous energy.

Jack met Sam's eyes and held them as he dropped his bombshell news.

"Hanson's dead."

Everyone froze...all sound ceased after a statement like that. No one seemed to know where to start, what to say, what questions to ask first. Jack still hadn't broken eye contact with Sam. He could practically see the wheels turning in her head as she worked out the full implication of his revelation.

"When? How?" Sam breathed out her eyes growing larger and larger as she assimilated the meaning of his statement.

Her first tentative question open the floodgates for everyone else and the room came alive as everyone began asking questions at the same time. Before Jack could answer one question he was being hit with another. Finally giving up he collapsed into the nearest chair. He could still see Sam staring unfocused at some spot over his left shoulder. He had to scream to be heard over everyone.

"If you'll just cool your jets for a minute I'll try to fill you in on everything I know so far. The room slowly quieted as they all tried to hold their questions until they'd heard everything he had to say.

"Okay, Harley said they found Hanson's body yesterday. He said he'd had drinks with Hanson's CO a few nights ago. Seems they go way back. Anyway, he was more than willing to tell him everything he knew about Hanson. He said Hanson had been a 'nut case' even before he was transferred into his unit a few months ago. But he'd gotten worst. Said he was always going on and on about one conspiracy theory after another...about government cover-ups...aliens living among us, traveling to other planets that kinda stuff. He told everybody aliens had killed his brother and was obsessed with some woman name 'Samantha'. Always talking about all the things he would do to her when he got his hands on her. Blaming her for his brother's death. He said he was gonna make her pay for the things she'd done to him."

Jack paused knowing Daniel wouldn't be able to hold his questions much longer...and right on cue he began.

You could set your watch with his predictability.

"Oh my god! He's been telling everyone about the Stargate Program. There's no telling how much classified information he leaked and we had no idea. He could've compromised the entire program for all we know."

"Well, he's been telling them, but no one believed him. Just thought he was crazy, apparently. And the more he talked the crazier they thought he was."

"How could..."

Before Daniel could rattle off anymore questions Teal'c baritone voice spoke over his with a far more pressing question.

"Is not the main question 'how this CaptainHanson learned of the StarGate Program in the first place?'"

"Jonas." Sam answered speaking barely above a whisper.

"Yea, that'd be my guess too." Jack agreed hoping to ease some of the worries he could see on everyone's face.

All eyes turned to Sam to gauge her reaction to this latest news. Even with the knowledge of his death you could easily see the fresh fear that this revelation had on her.

"He'd gotten so bad they'd ordered him to see the base shrink. But before his first appointment he went AWOL. They couldn't find him. Don't think they looked too hard...just figured he'd turn up one day with more alien abduction stories and he'd be discharged on a section eight."

Pausing to gather his thoughts before he plunged into the rest of his story, he allowed everyone a moment to come to terms with everything he told them so far. Finally he continued.

"The CO didn't think much of Hanson's disappearance or threats until Harley told him the 'Samantha' was Major Samantha Carter also stationed in 'The Springs' and the threats that had been made against her." Locking his warm chocolate eyes with her intense blue ones Jack continued. "They made some interesting discoveries when they started digging into his belongings. First, even though he lived in base housing they found out he had a place off base also. He'd been renting a house off base that no one knew about. Just a few blocks from your house."

Jack could see the struggle Sam was going through to mask the fear and worry this news was causing her. He desperately wanted to protect her from the worst of Hanson's behavior so he plowed on with his story,

"But there was still no sign of Hanson." Jack finished, no longer able to meet her eyes for the first time since he'd began.

"What aren't you telling us Sir?

Sam enunciated each word slowly and distinctly making it clear she did not want him keeping any information from her.

"I want to know everything...I need to know." Sam finished trying hard to meet his eyes again to judge if he was giving her everything.

Blowing out a long sigh of resignation Jack continued on. "They found pictures...of you...all through his house...hundreds of them...some obviously taken of you inside your house."

Jack allowed that statement to hang in the air several heartbeats. The full implication of its meaning slowly dawning on everyone.

"He'd been stalking you for months." Raising his hand to forestall all the questions he knew were on their mind he continued. "They passed he picture around the neighborhood...and got lucky when someone on the street recognized him and led them to an abandoned building at the end of one of the allies. That's where they found his body."

The implication of everything they'd just learned left them speechless and reeling.

So many questions answered. So many things finally falling into place. Things were finally starting to make sense.

Daniel was the first to find his voice, stating a loud the conclusion everyone had reached.

"Does that means it's finally all over now?"

You could hear the disbelief in his voice. The nightmare they'd all lived these past few weeks was finally over. "Was it the same alley we chased Sam's attacker? That would explain why there have been no more attempts. He's been dead all this time."

"Sir, have they given you a 'time of death' yet? Janet asked, ever the level-headed physician of the bunch. "Did they give a 'cause of death'? Or exactly when he went AWOL?"

"From what Harley told me it was around the time of Carter's first abduction. As for the rest I'm not sure." Jack answered still trying to read the emotions playing over Sam's face to see how she was holding up under everything she'd heard.

"I'd like a copy of his final autopsy report to attach to my file, so that my reports are complete before I close this case in Sam's file." Janet asked already making notes to be included for the General.

"I'll get back to Harley. I'm sure it can be arranged." Jack assured her.

Like everyone else he was just glad the whole nightmare was over. In the end the solution had been so easy. Now they'd be able to put this behind them. They could get back to the life they had before Hanson destroyed it with his obsession and hatred of Sam.

"Is there a problem?" Teal'c inquired, pulling Jack's mind away from the elusive thoughts and feelings which currently plagued him. Thought's he couldn't quite put his finger on. It was probably nothing more than a feeling of disbelief that their nightmare was finally over after everything they'd been through. Caught a bit off guard by Teal'cs' question and unsure how to express his feelings he quickly assured him that everything was fine.

Everyone continued to sit - too stunned to fully process all they'd heard. After the worry and fear they'd lived the past few week it felt somehow anticlimactic to have it all end this way.

"Oh my god. That means one of us killed him and the police are gonna want to talk to us." Daniel fear rang clear.

"Well, for now I doubt they have a true cause of death. If he was out and exposed to this kinda weather it's just as likely he died of exposure. We just won't know until the report comes back." Janet said, trying to reassure him.

"Beside Hanson was military. They may decide they want to handle this 'in-house'. And given what they already know about him, charges are very unlikely. But right now all we can do is wait." Jack answered almost off-handedly still more worried for Sam's well being than any criminal charges they might have to answer to later.

Sitting around speculating about all the 'what ifs' would gain them nothing.

Before long their little gathering broke up. Still slightly dazed, everyone headed off to their various responsibilities. They were 'at work' after all and this melodrama had interfered more than enough with their work duties. It was proving to be harder than anyone imagined to remember there was no longer anything to worry about. To remember that the villain of their 'Soap Opera' was now dead and that now to varying degrees 'everyone could live happily ever after. Well almost everyone. There was still the matter of Adam Issac/Joe Turner identity. Before Janet could sign off on his case a few questions needed to be answered so that she could release him to the correct authorities for further care.

She was sure he'd fight her tooth and nail but there really was no other way. It was his insistence that he could not be the person all the military records showed him to be, that was causing the problem in the first place.

And she wouldn't even have to track him down to make the request. Delivering a sizable stack of folders to the General's aide she ran into the Colonel leaving the General's office.

"Colonel! I'm so glad I ran into you. When can I expect you to talk with Captain Turner? I'd like to be able to close his file and have him relocated to 'Veterans' as soon as possible" she stated, coming to stand with the men just outside of Hammond's office.

"I've already told you that man down there is not Joe Turner. Beside I thought he'd been moved days ago."

His voice hadn't reached 'whine' level yet, but it was only a matter of time.

"Well, he would have if his identity weren't in question" she replied, an evil grin ghosting across her features as she closed her trap - guaranteeing his help in the matter. "He can't be moved until all questions of his identity are settled. And as it turns out Dr. McKenzie should be meeting with him in a few minutes and it would be a prefect time to answer any doubts you have."

Conceding defeat he dropped his head and mumbling under his breath he followed her down to the infirmary. The sooner this was over the sooner he could put this whole incident behind him.

"Doc I don't care what anyone says, he is not Joe Turner." Jack stated for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Colonel, all of our records say he is." Janet was tired of going around and around with him on this issue.

"Not my problem. He's not Joe Turner." He stated again with finality.

"I swear you're the stubbornest man I've ever met" Janet breathe, almost at the ends of her tether with him.

"Why thank you ma'am." Jack replied tongue and cheek, knowing how annoying he was being at the moment.

"Colonel." She dragged out his title through gritted teeth.

"WHAT? He's not."

He loved moments like these, payback for all those big needles she was so fond of using on him.

"You were a holy terror as kid weren't ya?" she concluded as they neared their destination.

"How could ya tell?"

Still grinning. Score one for O'Neill.

Janet sent up a silent 'thank you' to any god listening as they finally reached their destination.

Wasting no time she swiped her card and entered the room, Jack trailing behind her still mumbling.

**_To Be Continued..._**


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Dr. McKenzie had arrived and was already in conversation with his patient when they both entered. 'Conversation' was something of a stretch considering the man in question lay facing the wall and not adding so much as a grunt to their exchange. That attitude did not seem to detour the doctor as he continued to speak.

"Captain you have a visitor. We talked before about the Colonel coming to visits. Do you remember? He'd like to ask you a few questions. Do you think you're up to that today?" Still receiving no response the doctor continued on.

"Colonel I'd like you to meet Captain Joe Turner." Gesturing between the two men as he introduced the Colonel to his patient, he paused for only a second before he continued. "Captain I'd like you to meet Colonel Jack O'Neill."

Not expecting a response from his patient the doctor turned to fill the Colonel in on what he could expect from his patient. "Colonel I wouldn't get my hopes up for very much interaction. Captain Turner has been completely unresponsive to any outside stimuli since his last flashback. He seems to be lost in a world of his own..."

"O'Neill...O'Neill...Airman O'Neill...Airman...Airman O'Neill..." Turner's dreamy whispers surprised both doctors, freezing all thoughts as they turned to give, their before unresponsive patient, their full attention.

"Hey, I thought you said he didn't talk." Jack ask feeling more and more uncomfortable with the way he continued to repeat his name.

"Well, he i _hasn't been /i _interacting to any stimuli in his environment until now." McKenzie clarified as he moved his chair back to Turner's side. "Yes Captain, it's O'Neill. You might have known him as Airman O'Neill. Do you remember him? Have you two met before? Can you tell me anything you remember about him?" McKenzie very much wanted to keep his patient talking. He'd been so unresponsive the past few days. This could very well be the break he'd been hoping for. Turner hadn't moved from his spot facing the wall only folding his body up smaller, hiding himself even more from his preconceived danger, his eyes still unfocused as he continued repeating the Colonel's name.

While Jack remained across the room from the little gathering Janet pulled her chair closer to McKenzie and Turner. Psychiatry was not her field but as CMO of the base she was expected to know at least a little in each specialized field. That a before unresponsive Turner had seemingly latched on to the Colonel this time when he'd shown no reaction at the mention of him before had her very curious.

"Why is he only now reacting to the Colonel?" Janet ask, pitching her voice lower for the doctor's ears only.

It took a few seconds before McKenzie hit upon the obvious answer. So simple yet completely over looked until now. "Because the Colonel has only been referred to as 'The Colonel' until now." McKenzie's explanation hadn't drowned out the sound of Turner voice as he continued still lost in his nightmare past.

"I waited. I held out against all their torture. Wouldn't let them break me, no matter what they did, I wouldn't let them win. But you never came back. No one ever came. I waited. No one came for me. You left me to die. You left me to their mercy. Oh my god. How could you leave me? How could you turn your back on me...leave me? How could you? Oh god the pain! For days...for weeks I never lost faith. Someone would come for me. Someone would save me, they had to. But no one ever came All you had to do was help me back to the chopper. All you had to do was tell someone I was alive...that I needed recuse...to send someone back for me. But you didn't." Turner continued on, speaking more to himself than anyone in the room with him. His voice starting to take on a slight edge of hysterics the more he spoke.

Both doctors held captive under the spell of the events unfolding before them, they'd total forgotten the Colonel was still standing in the far corner. He didn't want to believe the man before him could be the strong confident soldier he'd met only briefly all those years ago, but the more he spoke the harder it became. The doctors, after their momentary surprise, had began to worked together to pull as much information as possible from the memory their patient was currently locked in. Dr. McKenzie was having no luck breaking through the horrors triggered at the mention of the Colonel's name. That one brief moment his patient had existed in the 'here and now' seen gone. He got no response to anything else he said.

Maybe because it wasn't her field, because she hadn't been taught the correct steps to take in a situation such as this, Janet's gut led her in a different direction. Flipping through the Captain's medical file,and taking note of all of the physical evidence of torture Adam had not been able to explain, she began to question their origin.

"Captain, when were your legs broken? It was the first entry in her file and as good a place to start as any.

"Tried to escape. Hide out for days. Trying to get away." He answered still lost in his own past. i _"You will never escape again. You will never run from us again." /i _Turner continued in a voice thick with an unknown accent. Followed by with a scream full of the pain and suffering. His screams went on, growing with misery at the remembered pain until Janet's next question moved him on from that horror. Going down her list of physical tortures cataloged in her medical file, he revisited each and every abuse he'd suffered at his captive's hand. Each horror seeming to out do the last. Sealing their prisoner in a 'hotbox' for days on end for the least imagined transgression. Chopping fingers off for no better reason than their warped amusement. Gang rape and sodomy for entertainment. Setting him on fire for his complaint of the cold. But by far their worst horror was revealed as he answered the need of a mechanical voice box. Severing his vocal cords to silence his anguished cries and pleas for mercy. No longer would his captors be disturbed by his sounds. And when they'd finally tried of him they disposed of him as they did all the other trash. Left him with all the other trash on the side of the road.

As wrapped up in her discoveries as Janet was with the man before her, she was still keenly aware of the man behind her. The Colonel was as much her patient as the shell of a man before her. She could clearly hear his heart-wrenching denial that soon turned to pleas for forgiveness when Turner's identity and suffering could no longer be denied. She'd heard the Colonel struggling to explain as the Captain continued to blame him for all the pain and suffering he'd had to endure. Pleas for understanding that he'd been too young and inexperienced to know what to do. That someone else had called his death, had handed him his dog tags and shoved from place to place until at last he'd landed in the chopper. That he'd been comatose for weeks afterward. She could hear the heart ache in the Colonel's voice as he continued to beg for forgiveness for failing him so completely on that mission. It was not the Colonel she'd known all her life, this person was that scared inexperienced kid who been thrown into a situation holy unprepared. He couldn't have been more than twenty two or twenty three when this had happened in '73. Her heart went out to that fresh young kid who'd been permanently scared by these events.

For the sake of both of her patients she needed to bring this session to a close. The Captain's physical condition again required she sedate him. His voice, had reached an unnatural mechanical pitch as he explained being taken in and healed. The long months of work it had taken some sympathetic heart to rebuild his body back to some semblance of what it had been. His vitals reflected the stresses his body had gone through reliving his captivity. Only able to spare the Colonel a passing look to judge his well-being she rushed on giving orders to her staff as everyone worked to stabilize the man currently loosing his thin hold on life. She knew this had taken as much, if not more, out of the Colonel, but whether or not he would allow anyone to help him was anyone's guess.

Giving him a little space and time to deal with everything he'd learned she'd found him working out in the gym during the early evening. She wasn't surprised that he'd been unwilling to talk about his feeling surrounding that mission. He would bury it all and refuse to deal with it as he did so many other traumas in his life. He would beat himself up and take all the responsibility on his shoulders...punish himself even when the fault wasn't his. She didn't know any of the particulars of the mission, but judging by the date he couldn't have been old enough to be thrown into a battle situation of that magnitude. And given that his medical records for that period were sealed, it had to be an 'off the books' mission they were referring to. But all she could do was offer, she couldn't make him take it. She could require he see McKenzie, but she knew that was a sure way to make him close up. He had a family now, people who cared about him and who'd be there for him now. She could only hope he'd realize it before it was too late.

It had been something of a surprise, Teal'c hadn't expected to find anyone in the gym at this late hour. It was one of the reasons he'd chosen this time to come each day. The solitude allowed him to turn all of his energies to his workout without the distraction of others who took their workouts less serious...as more of a time to socialize. Watching O'Neill from the doorway he could see that he was working his body with a single-minded determination. And if appearances could be believed he'd been at it for sometime.

He was aware of the incident earlier with Captain Turner and he had some idea of how it must have effected his friend. Surely he hadn't been here all that time. He had no doubt O'Neill would hold himself responsible for all the suffering the Captain endured at the hands of his captors, even though it could never be his fault. O'Neill held himself to a standard no one could ever hope to achieve. A hundred years of experience had taught him that somethings were beyond your control...that the best you could hope for was to do your best in the 'here and now'. The past could not be changed. Guilt was a wasted emotion. Giving into it's pull would only immobilize you. It would keep you from any action in the present. And that seem to be exactly what O'Neill was doing now. So lost under the weight of things done in the past that he was unable to move forward. There were people who depended on him now that he was failing because he could no see past that time.

Moving into the room and into O'Neill's line of sight Teal'c began adding weights to both sides of the bar. Lifting weights and bench presses were usually how he started his workout each evening.

"I was not aware you were still on Base O'Neill." Teal'c said by way of greeting receiving only a grunt in answer. Satisfied with the amount of weights he'd added he allowed the silence to stretch on as he began his usual workout routine. He continued to watch as Jack pushed himself harder and harder, punishing his body as atonement for his failing of the past.

"You can not change the past O'Neill. Do not allow the past to prevent you from helping those who need you now."

"I don't wanna hear it T. Just don't. Okay!" Jack snapped still taking out all of his vengeance on the rapidly moving ball.

As you wish O'Neill, but it can not be easy for MajorCarter to be alone in her home after everything that has transpired there recently." Teal'c conceded in his usual stoic delivery.

"WHAT!" Jack screamed grabbing his punching ball and halting it's motion, the emotions playing over his face were clear for Teal'c to read. Teal'c wasn't blind nor was he clueless as so many people thought. He understood exactly the emotions driving the man. His deep sincere love...his most basic need to protect. He only wished O'Neill would open his eyes to this underlaying reason. It was plain for any and all to see, yet, they both denied it's existent. "She didn't...she wouldn't..." He halted, unable to complete his sentence. He'd dropped the ball again. Lost sight of everything she had to be going through as he focused on his own issues. Issuing a string of curses Teal'c could hear as he moved down the corridor and into the locker room, Jack refocused his attention to the duty he still had to Sam. His own self-loathing would have to wait. He couldn't fail her as he had so many others who'd depended on him in the past. Today that list had grown by one, he was not willing to add Sam's name to it.

He'd broken every speed law on the books as he raced from the mountain to her house. He'd envisioned every 'worst-case scenario' his fertile imagination could throw at him. Even with the threat of Hanson gone there were still hurtles to be crossed and knowing Carter as he did, he was sure she believed she could handle them all alone. That her analytical mind and military background would be enough to see her through. It wouldn't, he knew that from bitter experience. He had vowed he'd be there for her. And 'there' he would be. He wouldn't take his eye off the ball again.

There were no lights on inside her house except the small illumination of the hall entry light. He was sure she was home, her car sit parked in front of his in her driveway. He hadn't received a reply to the numerous times he'd knocked. She had to be in there. He was starting to worry the longer the silence dragged on. He'd kick the door in if she didn't answer soon. All the possible explanations sending a chill down his spine. So lost in those possibilities his raised fist almost connected with her face as she finally opened the door.

_**To Be Continued... **_

_**If you would like to receive a copy of the 'unbeta'ed' next chapter before it's posted, all you have to do is drop me an email requesting chapter twenty-one. I could really use your input on it before I put it out there. Whether you want to give me comments on it or not you can still request it. **_

_**Email me at: zhaan at msn dot com**_

**_Thanks_**

**_Zhaan_**

****


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty-One

Sam arrived home nearly thirty minutes ago. No one had been in her house since the night of the sting operation. She found things exactly the same as they'd been then. She hadn't realized just how hard it would be coming back with the memories of that night so fresh in her mind. The chair where she'd been bound and gagged, set in the same spot it had that night, the duct tape still hanging from the front legs. A shiver ran down her spine as she relived the nightmare she was sure would haunt her the rest of her life. But it was the sight of her bedroom and all the memories it stirred that was the last straw to her emotional control. It was just too much. Collapsing in the doorway, the tears she'd held at bay for so long, could no longer be denied. Her mind flooded with the horrors she'd been through...the rapes and torture, her overwhelming fears. Huddled up in the fetal position the pressure final caught up with her and her tears were set free, as her mind played out all the horrors she'd lived in the last few weeks.

She wasn't sure how long she'd been lying there crying before she became aware of the knocking at her door. Whoever it was, must have been there for a while, if the beating was anything to go by. Getting up and trying to make herself at least slightly more presentable she made her way to the front door. The last thing she needed right now was for any of her team to find her in this state. And she was sure it was one of them currently trying to break her door down. Daniel, most likely. The Colonel would so not want to do the whole 'talk to me' or 'touchy feely' emotional scene. Daniel, however, would want her to talk, to express her feelings and emotions, so sure it was what she'd need to put the whole incident behind her. Regardless of who it was she did not want them to see how much of a wreck she was just being in her own home. What had once been her quiet haven was now a constant reminder of the horrors she'd been though. She honestly didn't think she'd ever feel safe here again. But they didn't need to know that just yet

Jack's fears evaporated as soon as he saw her face. His fear turning to rage that she'd act so irresponsible, take such risk with her own welfare.

"**CARTER, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WAIT FOR ONE OF US. AND YOU MOST DEFINITELY WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO COME BACK HERE ALONE!" **He shouted, trembling from the build-up of emotions he felt. All he really wanted to do was to hold her and protect her. To loose himself in her and block out the world. But she wasn't ready for that. So much still lay unresolved between them. There hadn't been time to deal with what had happened between them. He had to focus on what was best for her right now. And right now that meant dealing with all the things Hanson had done to her, many of them right here in this house. He finally remembered to lower his fist, still raised to knock on her door, the red haze that had clouded his mind slowly began to clear. Still standing toe to toe in her doorway his rage lost it's steam. Sam had been silent since she'd opened her door, caught completely by surprise at the rage that had greeted her. Her control over her emotions was already thin.

Without saying a word she turned and made her way deeper into her house leaving him to follow if he wanted. Jack remained frozen at her door as his rage cleared and he finally registered her appearance. Her red puffy face, a sure sign that she'd been crying before his arrival and his screaming and ranting had not helped. He felt himself ten kinds of fool for the way he'd just treated her. '_Shit!'_ Scrubbing his hand through his hair and over his face in frustration he finally moved to follow her down the still dark hall to her kitchen.

"Sam."

All of his tenderness and love wrapped up in those three little letters. All of the love he felt for her, all of the caring and worries and desires, everything in just her name. Sam wasn't sure which was worse, having him screaming and yelling at her or the caring he seemed able to express in just her name. She'd gone straight to her kitchen and over to start a pot of coffee. She didn't trust herself to speak without opening the floodgate of emotions again. With her body operating fully on autopilot she could pretend everything was back to normal, as long as she didn't have to see or talk to him right now. She just needed a few more minutes to pull her act together and she'd be able to hide the turmoil away. So lost was she in trying to get her emotions under control she was caught completely off guard when she felt Jack's hand cover her own trembling one which had been spilling coffee grounds all over her counter.

"You don't need to be here tonight." He whispered, his lips close to her ear. His body had molded to hers and he felt her own body momentarily release it's tension and rest against his before the rigid control she hid behind dropped back into place. "You don't have anything to prove."

"But that's where you're wrong, I do. I have to prove I can handle everything that's happened to me. Everyone is so sure I'm gonna fall apart...so sure I **CAN'T **handle it...that I'll **NEVER **be the soldier I was. They already think I can't. I have to show them I'm strong enough...that I'm every bite the soldier I was. I can't afford to show any weakness, not now especially." She shouted as she rounded on him, his arms still wrapped around her. She wanted so much to bring her fist up and beat against his chest until he understood.

Her outburst caught him unprepared. The strength and power of her words a testimony to the standard she'd set for herself. She would push herself, force her body to perform to a standard it wasn't ready for. Just because that super-smart brain of hers understood she thought that would be enough. But it wasn't. What she'd been through would take time to heal. Not acknowledging it wouldn't make it go away. And no one expected it to...except her

"Carter that's not how it works. No one expects it to be business as usual after everything you've been through. And that takes nothing away from the strong confident soldier that you are. That hasn't changed." There had to be some way he could make her see that.

"But it already has. Even to you. You see me different...less capable...as someone who has to be taken care of and protected. A 'damsel in distress' needing her white knight to ride in and slay the dragon." Taking a deep breath and stepping back, holding his eyes she continued. "I was more than capable of holding my own the last time I was here. Even drugged I fought...I fought him...I beat him." Practically weeping her voice breaking at the end, coming out as a choked cry as that night replayed in her head. "I fought him Sir and I won...I won...I won...I won..." Her tears running freely down her face and choking off her words as she continued repeating her last words over and over again. "I won...I won..."

"Yes Carter, you won. You saved yourself." Jack agreed reaching to hold her...console her and reassure her. His arms froze at her next words.

"Then why? Why didn't you want to hear any of my ideas for catching Hanson? Why'd you force Daniel and Teal'c to babysit me? Why were you so angry tonight just because I came here? You don't think I can take care of myself. You show it a hundred different ways everyday. Why? How's anyone else gonna treat me better when my own CO doesn't." Her pleading eyes left him completely speechless as he stared back into her watery blue depths, for the first time seeing his actions through her eyes.

"Sam, that's not how it is. Wanting to protect you doesn't mean I think you aren't more then capable yourself. I'd want you watching my six any day. But I know you...how your mind works. You still think you can reason all this away. You can't Baby. You're gonna have to deal with it just like everyone else. There's no short cut, no getting around it by sheer force of will. You've got to deal with what happened. It won't make you any less...just normal. Everyone needs someone they can lean on...someone to be there for them. Let me be that 'someone' for you." Jack poured his heart out, probably said more than he'd ever said before. But he desperately wanted her to understand. He could almost see her mind working...dissecting every thing he'd said...studying it from every angle. Her nightmares and trauma wouldn't just go away because Hanson was dead...was no longer able to threaten her. She still had a long way to go before those wounds would heal and he wanted to be there by her side through it all. If she'd let him. If he could make her understand.

They stood motionless in her kitchen, stripped bare to their most basic feelings and instincts. Her decision now would shape both of their lives.

"Then why won't you allow me to be there for you? I can see what this is doing to you...bringing up things from your past. Why won't you let me in? Why do you keep pushing me away? If everything you say is true, then why? How can it be true for me and not true for you?" There was no anger in her voice, no accusation, just an honest sincere need to understand. Her piercing blue eyes searching his face for understanding. He couldn't answer that...wasn't sure how to answer it. Whatever the reason it took too long. The connection he'd been trying to make stretched too thin. Lowering her eyes from his she brushed passed him and into her living room. She'd meant to collapse on her sofa. To finally give into the pull of exhaustion she felt after the emotional drain of the evening. But, the chair in the middle of the floor, the duct tape still dangling from its legs drew her instead. Still somehow spotlighted leaving the rest of the room in shadows, as it had been that night. Brushing her fingers lightly over the high back she fought to keep her emotions at bay...to not show weakness.

"You help me more than you'll ever know." His voice was low but rich with the emotions it carried. He remains in the shadows as he continues to speak. "I've never had anyone I could lean on...to help me through the hard times. Not even Sara. Most of the work I did was too classified to talk to her about. Besides I never wanted to burden her with the things I was asked to do. She couldn't even be there for me when the nightmares would come. She'd never have understood. She'd never have been able to handle it. So, I had to learn to hide it all away. To deal with it by myself. I don't know if I can change that after all these years, but I do know that you do help me. Just knowing that you're here...knowing that you care...that you understand. You already know the bad stuff and you're still here. I know I'm not alone. For the first time in my life there's someone who cares. You help me more than you'll ever know Baby. Please, please let me help you." Jack wasn't sure what it was that made it so easy for him to talk to her this way, maybe because he could see how broken she was under that hard mask she tried to hide behind. He wasn't thinking about himself, only her and for her he'd do anything. It ate his heart away watching her struggling and suffering with the things Hanson had done to her. He would do anything to have his old Carter back.

Sam had moved on around the chair, finally removing the duct tape from its legs. Jack watched as her hands absently worked separating and straightening the tape as her mind worked to separate and understand her emotions and feelings. The silence stretching out was somehow comforting between them. He knew that look...had seen it countless times. Her mind tackling some problem in her own unique 'Carter' way.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel." Sam admitted, her voice sounding small and lost. "He's dead. It's over. I'm safe. He'll never be able to hurt me again. I should feel relieved. Right?" Her eyes focusing and seeking his pleading for understanding.

"Yes." He agreed, not seeing where she was going with it, but willing to follow her as she worked out a problem that only she could see.

"Then why don't I? Why does it feel like I've been cheated? Like somehow the end shouldn't be the end. I have all of these feelings...all of this rage...all of this anger for the things he did to me..." Her voice breaking but the flood of emotions suddenly lost their steam. Her confused eyes continued to search his face for the answers she could not find within herself. "And now it's over. I don't have anywhere to turn all of these feelings and they won't go away. They're still all inside of me. Is it wrong for me to wish he was still here? That at least once I could be face to face with him?"

Jack's heart broke watching the toll this was taking on Sam. "No, it's not wrong Baby, it just means that you're normal like the rest of us." He couldn't help the smile that turned the corners of his mouth. "But he can't hurt you anymore Sam. It is over."

"But you see that's where you're wrong. It's not over. I'm still here. The things he did to me are still here. No one will ever see me the same because of him. No man will ever..." The tears had again choked her voice into nothing. "And I can't really blame them. I wouldn't want to touch me..." Finally giving up on the tangle knot of tape she'd been working on she flung the offending ball across the room before collapsing almost boneless onto the sofa in resignation.

Of all the things Jack had expected to hear 'that no man would ever want her' had not been considered. Caught completely off-guard by her statement Jack could only stare open-mouth as his strong, smart 2IC disappeared before his eyes.

"Sam, you don't believe that. How could you even think that after...after...?" Dropping down on the coffee table in front of her and covering her small trembling hands with one of his large battle scared one, his other hand gently lifting her chin until her eyes locked with his. "How? How can you say that? You know exactly how I feel. I haven't hidden my feeling for you."

"I'm not kidding myself Colonel. That's one thing that hasn't changed. I'm a realist. I'm not gonna start 'sugar-coating' the truth just because it would be easier. As much as I'd like to believe that that night meant something...more, that it was what we'd both hoped for one day, I know it wasn't. Not after what some other man had done to me. I'm a member of your team and you would do anything for your team. You're a great CO. There isn't anything you wouldn't do for us. But, I'm not gonna kid myself into believing it was anything more than you looking out for the well being of one of your people. It could never be more than that after what Hanson did to me."

As much as it tore at his heart to see her cry, the quiet resignation that he heard in her voice now was destroying him. She wouldn't fight anymore. She'd given up and somehow that scared him more than facing down a hundred Goa'uld and their Jaffa armies.

"Sam, how can you possibly believe that?" He thought they'd already covered this ground.

"Because it's true. You'd do anything for us...including sacrifice yourself. 'Comfort sex' was no different." There was no accusation or recrimination in her words just acceptance of the way things were. Jack couldn't stand to see her so broken and moving he paced the room to hide his own rage. Hanson had done that to her. She was right, even from the grave he continued to hurt her. He understood wanting a chance to come face to face with the man at least once. He would love to get his hands on the man. For just a minute hell, it wouldn't even take that long. Courtesy of all his years in Black Ops, there were any number of ways he could deal with Hanson. In less than a heartbeat he could neutralize a threat. Clean and efficient or slow and painful...dragging it out indefinitely, making him suffer until he begged and pleading for death. Yes that's what Hanson deserved...not the quick painless death the bullet had given him. He pulled himself back to the moment.

"I'm not gonna lie to you Sam. We've worked together for too many years. You've earned better than that from me." He said coming back to sit beside her, raising her chin and locking his eyes with hers so that she could see the truth of his words.

"I would do anything for my team and that includes you. And if I thought that meant having 'comfort sex' as you put it, with you, then yes, as unpleasant a thought as that sounds, I guess I'd be willing to fall on my sword and make myself have sex with you." His eyebrow wiggling suggestively, humor dripping from every word. As he thrust his imaginary sword through his chest right on cue. His trade mark humor releasing some of the tension in the room.

"But Sam that's not what happened and on some level you know that. We've had these feeling for years. I've wanted you for years. And nothing...absolutely nothing Hanson did could ever change that. Nothing Baby. You are every bit as beautiful and desirable now as you've ever been." He'd just poured out his heart to her. Said more, admitted more than he'd ever done before...and it didn't make him feel vulnerable or exposed like it should have. He needed to make Sam understand, make her see who she was and what she was...to him. His hand moved from her chin, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

_**To Be Continued...**_

If you would like to receive a copy of the 'unbeta'ed' next chapter before it's posted, all you have to do is drop me an email requesting chapter twenty-two. Or put the request in your review.

Also if there are any threads or questions you have please let me know so they can be answered also. They can either go in your review or you can drop me an email.

Email me at: zhaan at msn dot com

Thanks

Zhaan

**And a special thanks to Alimoo1971 for her help on this chapter. **


	22. Chapter 22

Authors Notes: A special thanks to SuFreund for all her help. It blows my mind that she's willing to waste her time on this story. Thank you. Also Jami for all her help and hand holding. This would never have been posted without her insistence and encouragement. There have been so many of you out there willing to give of yourself to help me along. This experience has been so wonderfully because of you. Thank you so much. And all of you out there who take the time to review and tell me what you think of this. Thank you all very much.

This is dedicated to Dylan. Please get well soon. We all miss you greatly.

Zhaan

Chapter Twenty-Two

Staring speechless back into his deep brown pools, made even darker by the desire she could so clearly see reflected back to her, she began to believe. The passion they'd been holding at bay ignited as Jack felt Sam melt against him. Her eyes slowly drifted shut, as she placed feather light kisses in his palms and gradually gave herself over to the whirlpool of emotions threatening to drown her.

Her taste exploded in his mouth as their tongues dueled for dominance. He couldn't remember a time he hadn't wanted her. He'd dreamed of being able to show her just how much. Their kisses became heated, fueled by both their needs. Collapsing back onto the couch in a tangle of arms and legs frantically sought the flesh on flesh contact they both craved. Blazing a trail of wet kisses from her lips to that sweet spot he remembered, he latched on to her ear lobe, nibbling and biting before soothing it with more kisses. He found that sweet spot behind her ear that drove her wild. His hands weren't idol either as they worked the buttons of her blouse and the front clasp of her plain white bra until they'd freed her breast from their confines, kneading and milking them as his lips continued their journey down the long columns of her neck to their goal. As he teased the nipple of one breast between his teeth his fingers worked the other, pinching and pulling, sending spikes of desire through her body so strong that her thrashing nearly sent him to the floor. Her body continued to thrash beneath him as he pulled at her bring her up with him as he stood.

"Bed."

For what he wanted the couch would not do. Moving drunkenly down the dark hall, neither wanted to break from the other. Bumping from one wall to the next they left a trail of discarded clothes in their wake. Sam turned into her bedroom a split second ahead of him as he slowed to kick off his shoes. Following minus his shoes he found her frozen, body trembling, but not from the pleasure of only a moment earlier. The sight laid out before them was nothing short of a 'war zone'. He hadn't been back since that night...had forgotten what a disaster the room had been. Kicking himself the fool he could see her silent battle to control her reaction as the memories returned of the nightmare she's so recently lived here. Coming up behind her, wrapping his strong arms protectively around her, he could feel her body tremble as she fought to surpass her emotions.

"It won't ever end. He'll always be here." She whispered barely loud enough for him to hear.

Wanting so much to ease the suffering he knew she felt he remained her again. "But you beat him. You fought back and you won. Remember that Baby. Come on. You don't have to stay here tonight. Come back to my place tonight. We can deal with this tomorrow." For a second he felt her give in, felt her body relax back into his before she pulled herself back up to her full height and round on him. Her steely resolve making her a force to be reckon with.

"He will not run me out of my own house! I won! It's not like I don't have another bedroom." She proclaimed before turning and marching out of the room.

"Well, there's always that." He mumbled under his breath before he turned to follow behind her. He never cease to be amazed by her. She was a fighter and she would not be held down by what Hanson had done. He was secretly proud of her strength, even though he'd never say as much to her face. He had no doubt she'd kick his ass into the next galaxy for such a sexist statement.

Ducking as he entered the room, he just barely avoided the pillows being flung off the bed. He watched as her rage increased with each pillow thrown. Grabbing her before she could hurt herself or more likely him, he tried to calm her rage. "Sam, you won. He can never hurt you again. You beat him. It's gonna be alright. I promise." He continued, his soothing voice trying to get her to see passed this moment where the pain was still too fresh.

"That's where you're wrong. It won't ever be 'alright' again." Her voice again laced with the resignation smothering her will. "He took something from me I can never get back. I'll always be able to feel his hands on my body...his smell suffocating me...his sounds as he forced himself on me." Collapsing under the weight of the future that lay ahead of her Jack felt her body go limp in his arms. He could see what she was going through, understood her feelings...he knew that no amount of words would change the feeling that you'd she would never feel clean again.

"I know how it feels right now Baby, but I promise you it will get better. It'll get easier you just have to give..." He didn't get to finish as her rage reignited full force.

**"DON'T TELL ME YOU UNDERSTAND! YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE! YOU CAN'T 'UNDERSTAND ! HOW COULD YOU?" ** Screaming and beating his chest, her tears continued to streak her face as her frustration grew. "How could you understand what it felt like...his hands pawing at me...forcing himself on me...how could you?" She screamed over and over again. The last thing she needed from him was empty promises. No matter how much he wanted, he could never understand her feeling and she was tired of him treating her like he could.

Before he could bring himself back under control he found himself giving into his own frustration and anger. **"I KNOW!' ** Grabbing her fist, shaking her, trying to get her to hear him as she fought against his superior strength he repeated.** "I KNOW!" **He screamed again. Finally getting through her fury.

As her mind cleared she heard his words...heard his meaning. She searched his face, trying to see another meaning to his words. He didn't look away...held her soulful stare. He'd never admitted it to anyone. He hadn't even been willing to admit the reality to himself after he'd been rescued...but Sam was his life. He wouldn't let this take her away from him. And eternity passed as they continued to face each other absorbing the moment that had laid both their souls bare. He wouldn't lose her to the evils Hanson had done to her. And she wouldn't carelessly toss aside all his confession had shown of the man beneath.

Apart they were two broken souls, too damaged by life's experiences. But together...in each other's arms, they could be whole. Their joining should have been heated...a frantic tangle of arms and legs as they rushed to merge with the other. But this evening had burned off all that need. The demons and emotions which had brought them to this point had finally lost it's power. Leaving only the pure emotion at it's core...love...a love which could heal and restore.

Raw need had given way to deep passion as Jack's body covered hers. Cradle between Sam's legs he found the peace which had alluded him in the past. Trailing kisses from her lips, sucking and nibbling her earlobe he whispered. "I'm gonna make you scream. Scream louder and longer than ever. I wanna make this best night of your life Baby. I wanna give you everything you've ever wanted. Tell me Baby, tell me what you want, I wanna make this good for you. Tell me what you like...tell me what you want." His breath fluttered over her ear sending spikes of desire down her spine and straight to her core.

"You Jack, all I've ever wanted was you."

"You deserve so much more than that Sam...so much better.. So much more. But I promise I won't make you regret it." He assured her as his tongue found the hollow of her throat, darting in and out, to gauge her reaction to yet another sweet spot. Before this night was over he'd know every inch of her body. Every spot that brought her pleasure. And from the sounds she was making he'd hit upon one as his lips fastened on the spot just behind her ear.

Moving on he found his next goal. Her breast were better than he remembered. But there had been so many other things going on that first time he couldn't give them the attention they deserved. But not this time. This time would be everything he'd always dreamed. If he didn't go insane from his own painful need first. Sam's hands framed his head, massaging his scalp. Her short military nails dragging through his hair, scratching and massaging his scalp with just the right amount of pressure.

"God Baby that feels so damn good. Please don't stop." He almost cried from the feel of it, moving to rest his head on her firm stomach and enjoy the magic her fingers were working. His control returning with her soothing touch. His control back he covered her stomach in kisses, finding yet another sweet spot as his tongue dripped in and out of her navel before nibbling it's edges. He could smell her arousal hitting him in wave after wave as her desire grew. It drew him until he had it framed before him. Resting her legs over his shoulders Jack could feel Sam's body trembling as he blew his warm breath to fanned the flames of her need even higher. Kissing and nibbling up one thigh then the other. Her moans and pleas were music to his ears. Unable to resist any longer his tongue snaked out to sample her sweet nectar. That momentary contact enough to force Sam's body off the bed. Placing an arm over her stomach to hold her in place, his tongue played lightly through her very wet folds. His hard flat tongue pressing into her swollen bundle of nerves.

"Oh God Jack please." She needed more of him, more of his touch. She knew she had to be dripping by now. Her body was so keyed up by just the feel of his breath it was almost enough to make her come. But still he held back, barely touching her as she continued to thrash and whimper.

Jack couldn't believe her taste, it had his head spinning and his body crying out for more. But his needs would have to wait. Tonight was not about his needs. Tonight was all for Sam. He would do everything in his power to make this a night she'd never forget. Lifting and cradling her hips his lips found the source of her juices. He molded his mouth to her opening, his tongue darting in and out giving just the barest suction as his nose played tag with her swollen clit, her songs of pleasure increased. Shifting his attention to her small bundle of nerves he sucked them into his mouth. Holding them in place with the threat of his teeth as his tongue kept rhythm with the single finger he tortured over her hypersensitive G-sport. He could tell she was close as his thumb maintained just the right pressure on her sphincter before disappearing and leaving her to always want more.

Some where along the way he'd lost track of time. All his focus on Sam, holding her on the knife's edge of her release with minimum brushes of his tongue caressing her clit. He knew that combination was making her so hypersensitive that her body would break apart with the least touch. Sam had become wild, begging and pleading for him to fuck her with more than a single finger. That he'd move harder, faster, to give her what she needed to find her release. But he held it back even as she worked herself up more and more, rocking back and forth as she rode his finger trying to force it deeper, get it to stretch her even more. Tears ran freely down her temples to wet the bed as her head thrashed from side to side and her choked cries continued to begged and plead for more. Bring her to that edge then backing her off time after time until she could no longer form coherent words to plea. Her body shaking and quivering as he brought her so close to that promised release.

"Shhh Shhh Baby I've got ya. God, Baby you're so beautiful when you're like this. You taste so good. Just a few more minutes, please Just let me enjoy you just a little bit more then I promise you can come." Sam had given up trying to get him to finish her. Crying, her body trembling uncontrollably as his tongue continued to tease her clit and folds, lapping up her spilled juices.

"God Jack, please. Just a little more, please." It was more a cry than actual words as she continued trying to get him to finish her off. He'd brought her to this point over and over, never quite allowing her release. He'd played her body just like he'd promised, had her begging and pleading over and over. Her body slick with perspiration as she thrashed helplessly trying to reach that point he'd held from her for so long...building it all night until she was sure it would kill her when she did come and she'd gladly welcome it.

Finally he applied just that bit more pressure as his warm breath washed over her heated center. "Come for me Baby." He breathed as his teeth captured her clit, trapping it and stroking it back and forth with the flat of his tongue. His thumb which had been caressing her sphincter sank in to the first knuckle. Sam's body tensed going rigid as it ache levitating off the bed, her head falling back as though the string holding it to her body had snapped, her screams growing louder and louder as her long promised release broke over her. Her thighs locking Jack's head where her hands had shoved it. He could hear her screams as he continued to caress her G-spot prolonging her release. Biting down harder on her blood swollen clit as his finger stilled pressing and holding her G-spot and his thumb continued to stretch her tight opening triggering a second climax more powerful than the first and her body exploded anew in a fireworks of lights and colors overloading her system.

Unable to draw air, it shutdown. Going limp as she slumped back to the bed, her fingers releasing their grip on his hair and her legs finally falling apart. He continued lapping her juices until he'd drank every drop, coating his hair roughened cheeks and chin. Kissing her one last time he moved back up her still limp body, drawing her away from their wet spot to drape her body over him. It had been a long time since he'd been able to or cared to make a woman pass out. But he'd wanted that for Sam. And the knowledge that he had was almost enough to make him come. Her skin began drying, cooling her exposed arm and back. Holding her tight he shifted so that her leg pressed against his painful erection. He'd held back his own release, wanting to give Sam a night she wouldn't forget first He felt her begin to stir and was powerless to to keep the smugness from his voice.

_**To Be Continued...**_

If you would like to receive a copy of the 'unbeta'ed' next chapter before it's posted, all you have to do is drop me an email requesting chapter twenty-three. Or put the request in your review.

Also if there are any threads or questions you have please let me know so they can be answered also. They can either go in your review or you can drop me an email.

Email me at: zhaan at msn dot com

Tell me what you think

Thank

Zhaan


	23. Chapter 23

**Sorry for the late post. I had planned to post this this morning as my very own birthday present to me but my family had other plans. I guess better late than never. Happy 50th to me.**

**Zhaan**

**Authors Note:** There are so many people I need to thank for their help on this that I'm sure I'm gonna forget someone. But that doesn't mean I won't try. SuFruend for all of her suggestions and help. Rockyabyss for seeing the problem I was having and giving me the solutions. Alison for all her help. And please let me not forget Jami, cause none of this would've happen without her. Thanks for the phone call and encouragement, there's none better. And to all of the readers who send me their encouragements in reviews. And all of the advance readers who help me in more ways than they can know. You have all made this such a wonderful experience for me and I hate to see it coming to an end. Not to worry there's still several more chapters to go. Just need to get that off my chest. Thank you again. Oh, and if my chance I forgot someone please email me and I'll make sure it's in the next one.

**Dedication:** This is dedicated to Dylan, please get well soon we miss you.

_**And Now On With The Story...**_

Chapter Twenty-Three

"Hi sleepyhead. Was starting to get worried there for a minute."

"Oh my god Jack!" Sam's quiet expletive barely more than a breath as she slowly came back to herself after such a mind blowing orgasm. Her cheeks still wet from the tears she'd shed earlier. She'd read about such things, those '_Harlequin Romance_' descriptions, but she'd never believed it was possible, until now. She could hear the smugness in his voice, but couldn't begrudge him the feeling after all he'd given her. "That was unbelievable Jack. I've never...No one's ever..." She wasn't sure what to say...how to express her feeling.

"Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet. That was just the warm-up act Baby. There still the main event." Jack boasted, hoping he'd be able to continue to satisfy Sam the rest of the night. He wasn't a young man any more. All he could hope was that he could make up in quality what he might lack in quantity. It was one of his great fears. How could he possibly hope to satisfy Sam's needs at his age?. Sam was at her sexual peak while he was in a hard slide on the down hill side of his. True he hadn't actually experienced that particular problem...yet, it was only a matter of time before he did. Snapping back to the present when Sam wrapped her strong hand around his throbbing cock he almost came on the spot.

Fighting hard for control he grabbed and stilled her hand with a warning. "You keep that up and this night will be over far too soon."

"Well, it looks to me like someone might think that's a pretty good idea." Sam challenge. He hadn't come with her...at least she didn't think he had. He'd been hard all evening, that had to be really painful by now.

"Oh don't you worry, it will get it's wish, just not right now." Jack made clear as he flipped Sam to her back with a practiced ease. "I want to make love to you all night Baby. I want to fall asleep inside of you and wake up there to. I never want to leave you." Jack confessed just as their lips came together in a searing union. Kissing her would never get old, but right now he had other goals. He continued trailing a wet path of kisses from her perfect little pouting lips down her inviting neck until he again latched on to her breast, his hand busy torturing the other. Running his fingers through her wet folds he found her more than ready for him.

"I want to make love to you all night Baby." He whispered over and over as he continued his journey to the center of her pleasure zone. By now he had Sam's body quivering with desire, he finally gave her what she'd been begging for all evening. His plump mushroom head just barely breaching her tight opening. He could feel the tiny tremble her body made in anticipation of receiving him whole. As much as he'd wanted to take it slow, he his control slipped and in one powerful thrust he'd seated himself fully and they both cried out at the feel. If he thought her hand on his cock was enough to send him over the edge it was nothing compared to the fluttering caress of her muscles up and down his length now. It was almost too much. He buried his face in her neck and concentrated on his breathing. He could feel her restless urgings but he was too close. He his control almost gone.

"Don't move." His whisper fluttering over her ear. "Please." His lips pressed tight to her ear and his breath sending spikes of desire straight to her core. "Please." His teeth gritted together unable to draw a breath. "Oh god...too good. So tight...oh god Baby you're so tight." He felt like he was loosing his mind, it just couldn't be this good. "God Baby. Oh shit." His body bucked involuntarily as he pulled back and thrust even deeper, his arms pulled her impossibly close as his teeth sank in to her shoulder fighting desperately for at least a little control.

"Let go Jack. Don't hold back for me." Sam could feel the shudders racking his body as he fought to hold back his release. The sweat making his back slick under her hand as she tried to sooth his nerves.

"Not yet, not yet." It was almost a plea as he continued to fight. Slowly Sam felt the tremble drain from his body as her hands again threaded through his silk strains, massaging and soothing his scalp and helping to bring him the control he sought. He thrust once testing the strength of his control. Feeling more in control he set a slow pace thrusting deep and withdrawing until only the head still remained before thrusting in again. He filled her completely, hitting her clit with each thrust, bringing her to the brink with only a few strokes. Withdrawing after his next thrust and filling her with two fingers as her body broke apart again. His thumb pressed and held her clit as his fingers continued to work her, stretching and brushing that rough patch of nerves, her G-spot, prolonging her release while he still held back his own.

Pinching off his own release he rolled to spoon behind her lifting her leg to fall back over his as he thrust back into her warm channel from behind. He could hear her deep moans at the new angle and felt her body quivering. Pulling her body back to mold against his he pumped slow shallow thrusts as his nose brushed the hair from her neck and his lips latched on to the spot just below her ear. He set a slow pace, pumping in and out as his hands found and massaged her breast while the other rubbed soothing circles on her abdomen. She'd already come twice her body still hypersensitive as he worked her slowly and lovingly allowing her body to rest as he continued to slide in and out of her very tight channel in a slow caress. Turning her upper body slightly she reached her hand back to run through his hair and draw his face closer their lips molded together, his tongue taking up a matching rhythm pumping in and out of her mouth. He swallowed the whimpers she made, her body already building to another release, too hypersensitive from her previous orgasm. The hand cradling and fondling her breast moved to caress her cheek, finding them wet with tears.

"Shhh shhh, baby I've got ya...I've got ya. Not yet though. Just a little while longer baby. I know, I know. Just give me a little while longer, please." He begged not wanting to leave the peace he'd found in her body so soon. A peace he'd waited so long for. Too choked up with the emotions and feelings he'd stirred within, her only response, a short nod and the drawn out moan of "...too much...Jack...too much..." as the pleasure he brought her continued to build. "I know baby, I know." He whispered, his breath fanning over her ear as he slowly withdrew, leaving her feeling empty with his lost. Her cry of "...No..." coming out more as a catch of her breath as the lost became almost a physical pain. "It's okay baby, it's okay." His voice continued to reassure her as his finger moved to stretch and prepare her before he slowly pushed into the ass he'd watched and dreamed about for so many years. And it was better than any dream or fantasy he'd ever had, and there had been many over the years. Her tight hold threaten his control again as they both cried out at the feeling. Her trembling muscles as she fought to accommodate his size rippled up and down his length, caressing him as he drew her tight to his body, biting down on her shoulder as he fought to take it slow and easy and not cause her pain. Pulling back and sinking in further until he was fully seated, filling her completely, pumping in slow steady strokes as he fought his own need to take her hard and fast, to take from her willing body everything he so desperately wanted at the moment.

He kept it slow, pumping in and out at a measured pace. Her hand continued to strike through his hair, massaging his scalp and calming his desires as his hand played over her stomach in soothing circles. He moved slowly and lovingly against her, stretching out their night, giving her exactly what he'd promised. To make love to her all night long. Pulling out of her again once her body had rested and her need was not as urgent. He rolled onto his back and he watched as she slowly sank down on him, tensing momentarily as he filled her again before relaxing and leaning down to meet his lips. The kiss was as slow and caring as their love-making, speaking of feelings words could not adequately express. The long passion filled kiss continued as she took up the same pace he'd set, slowly riding him down his length until he'd filled her completely again before moving back until only the head still remain inside her. His hands slowly worked it's way up her side to fondle and play with her heavy globes, streaking and pinching her nipples to shoot spikes of desire through her body. Her whimpers and moans told him she was close, as again they'd built to release. Stilling her movement his hands spread out, totally encircling her small waist, his thumbs rubbing soothing patterns on her stomach until she'd calmed again. But they'd held out too long, within a few strokes the fire had ignited and had them on the edge again, Sam withering and whimpering as her body fought for that little extra to push her over.

"That's okay baby, it's okay. Hold on." He whispered as he drew her body snug to his, wrapping his arms tightly around her as he flipped them without leaving her body. Pulling one leg above his hips he felt the other follow suit as he kissed her once more. Brushing the hair from her face, her mouth slightly opened to draw air and her eyelids heavy with desire he begged. "Opening your eyes Sam, look at me baby. Say my name." Her deep blue eyes moved to lock with his almost back ones as she whispered his name on a long breath as her hands pressed him closer, begging for greater depth. "J-a-c-k." His hand trembling with desire continued to move her locks from her face. "Come for me baby...let me see you come...let me feel you come, please." Bracing his hands above her shoulders for better leverage he thrust into her with all his strength, going deeper with the new position and forcing the breath from her as she repeated his name over and over with each one.

"Come for me baby." He continued to whisper as his eyes drifted down, heavy with his own desire and impending release. But wanting and needing Sam to find hers first. Reaching between their bodies in search of that last push he pressed down hard on her swollen clit as he again begged her. "I can't hold it baby, please come with me Sam please." He felt her body break apart, as her muscle clamped down on his length, milking it and drawing him deeper, his name a scream, as his own tears began to leak from his eyes. Fireworks exploded behind her tightly closed eyes as her breath came in short oxygen-deprived gasps. He followed at long last, screaming her name, dragging out the single syllable as his orgasm stretched on and on, held back for too long. His body jerking and trembling he buried himself even deeper before collapsing, his arms finally giving out as she pulled him closer to her body and he buried his face in her neck, teeth sinking into her neck. His body in free-fall. He felt her hands move back to his scalp, calming his nerves as he lay completely limp, as dead weight on top her, unable to gain even the most minimum control over his body. His tears wet her shoulder and bed and he was helpless to stem their flow. He'd hoped to give Sam a night she wouldn't forget, he hadn't known it could be as powerful for him also, had never experienced anything that came close to tonight.

_**To Be Continued...**_

If you would like to receive a copy of the 'unbeta'ed' next chapter before it's posted, all you have to do is drop me an email requesting chapter twenty-four. Or put the request in your review.

Also if there are any threads or questions you have please let me know so they can be answered also. They can either go in your review or you can drop me an email.

Email me at: Zhaan at msn dot com

Tell me what you think

Thank

Zhaan


	24. Chapter 24

**Authors Notes:** Sorry for the long, long delay but my health has been less than perfect lately. I hope there's still someone out there reading this. Your reviews, thoughts and opinions would be greatly appreciated. Also a thank you to everyone who's given me a hand trying to complete this. I have no doubt I will miss some of the names so if I miss your name please, please let me know. I couldn't have gotten it done without everyone's help and I want to thank each one of you. So...thanks to Alison, Jenni and Sue. Also Rockabyss, Telkena, Jami, Sasha 147, RommieG65 and Lilli. As I've said I know I've missed some so please let me know.

_**And Now On With The Story...**_

Chapter Twenty-Four

"Hmmm Hmmm." It was the second time this morning Jack had caught himself humming. Luckily he'd been alone both times because that would so not go with his 'Tough Bad-Ass Air Force Colonel' image. It was hard to hold that face, though, after the fairytale weekend he'd had with Sam. It had been more than 'hum-worthy'. It was taking all of his control not to walk around wearing a huge shit-eating grin that would announce to the world that he'd spent his entire weekend having the best sex of his life. And not just the 'best' sex', no, no, no, he'd had mind-blowing, earth-shattering, hot monkey sex with none other than Sam Carter. Yep, the one, the only, **THE** Sam Carter, whom men from every planet dreamed and fantasized about. '_I should be allowed to wear a sign or pin or something...I should get a first place ribbon, I mean it's only fair.' _

He was so happy, he hadn't interrupted Danny's lecture on P2-something, not even once. He hadn't even whined about his misfortune of having to sit through back-to-back 'Danny-boring lectures'. '_Okay, granted, this time I've got the added bonus of Carter sitting right next to me the whole time, and who could really find fault with that?'_ he chided himself. He'd been so far away during the meeting he hadn't even realized Doc was coming to speak. His ears pricked up a bit to hear what could be on this mission that she'd need to brief everyone on. Sitting a bit straighter, he turned his full focus on her. He knew he'd heard wrong because that last word had sounded like 'autopsy' and that made no sense at all.

Lightly tapping Jack's leg, Sam cleared her throat and restated Janet's last statement. "So, you've got Hanson's official autopsy report. What'd you find that you wanted us all to hear?" Sam had clearly heard when Janet had busted in on their mission briefing with that announcement, but she was sure the Colonel had been a million miles away. She'd learned over the years how to bring 'her Colonel' up to speed on anything he'd missed while his mind floated away to a place where the fish grew 'this big'. She could see the 'Bad-Ass Air Force Colonel' mask snap into place as he focused his full attention on Janet.

"Go ahead, Doctor, what is it you've found that you feel we should be made aware of?" The General had been hoping they'd heard the last of that man last week. He had done more damage to the SGC than all the Goa'uld put together. But it would seem even dead he was still causing quite a stir. Major Carter, hell all of SG-1, had had more than their fair share of suffering at that man's hands.

"Okay, as you probably remember, I'd requested a copy of Captain Hanson's autopsy report. It was just routine procedure so that I could attach it to Sam's file and close out this incident. I was just expecting..." Janet was cut off before she could finish.

"Doctor! Get to the point" Hammond almost snapped, dropping his head to rub his temples before shaking off the unwanted emotion. Looking back to the Base CMO, he said a bit calmer, "What did you find, Doctor?" He shouldn't be taking his frustration out on her, she had enough on her plate already. From her body language the news was not going to go over well.

She fidgeted with her folder, opening it and pulling out several pieces of paper before looking back at everyone assembled around the table. Gathering her resolve with one last cleansing breath, she launched in on her findings

"Alright, as everyone knows, Captain Hanson was found in a building at the end of the same alley where Captain Turner was found so everyone assumed Captain Hanson's cause of death would be a gun shot wound from one of the service weapons fired the night of the sting operation. Or, if not the actual shot being fatal, then blood loss or exposure when he went down." She stopped, checking that everyone was still in agreement on that assumption. All heads bobbed up and down, waiting to see which of those theories turned out to be correct.

"It was none of those." She paused. "Captain Hanson's cause of death was a broken neck. His neck was snapped at the second vertebrae with one hand. There were no signs of bruising or trauma around the area, no signs of a struggle. It was a clean, quick break made with surgical precision," she finished, finally looking up from the notes she had before her. So far from anything they'd expected, her news came as a total surprise to everyone. She couldn't blame them for not being able to process enough to even ask questions. She understood. She'd sat for over an hour staring blankly at the report before she could even call to verify the report findings.

"So, are you saying he was killed by a doctor?" Daniel was finally able to get out.

"It would almost have to be a doctor or someone with a medical background. They'd be about the only people who'd know how to do it. I don't know of anyone else who'd have that kind of knowledge or training." It was the only answer she could imagine. Everyone was so caught up in her report, that no one noticed the shared look that passed between Teal'c and Jack at that statement.

"As for his time of death, as close as they can narrow it down he'd been dead about a month...around the same time he went..." She was surprised when the rest of her statement was interrupted by the Colonel's quiet revelation.

"I would."

"...AWOL, which would explain why he was AWOL." She finished, as everyone's attention turned to the Colonel.

Again within so many minutes, the room had taken on a stunned silence. She couldn't decide which piece of news had been the cause but, having had more time to digest her findings, she knew which part she questioned.

"How would you know how to break a neck that precisely? That's not the kind of knowledge you just find lying around, Sir?" she challenged.

"Black Ops."

That was all he said. Janet couldn't help noticing the faraway look that haunted his eyes with that admission. Janet realized it was so easy to forget the kind of life the Colonel had lived before coming to StarGate Command. Of course he would have been trained in the most effective and efficient killing methods. And leaving no evidence of it behind would be a must. It was hard to see that cold, calculating killer in the man sitting before them now. But as hard as it was for her to imagine, she could see the struggle was even harder for the others. Even the General, who'd surely seen the Colonel's entire file, was finding it hard to reconcile. The only one unaffected seemed to be Teal'c, who took the news without even raising an eyebrow. Able to move past the confusion and shock, Teal'c was the first to comprehend the full meaning of what was being presented, pointing out the logical conclusion that the others hadn't reached yet.

"In that case, CaptainHanson could not have been MajorCarter's abductor, nor the man seen fleeing her home. That man is still free." His strong, confident voice rang out in the room, adding to the shock everyone was trying to process. No one wanted to consider that possibility, the implication being too horrible to bear.

"It had to be Hanson," Daniel pleaded. "I mean, he did move into Sam's neighborhood. We know he was stalking her. He had a house full of pictures he'd taken of her everywhere she'd ever been. It showed he'd been watching her every move...and he'd been at it a long time. He even told anyone who'd listen that he was gonna get even with her." Daniel's voice was almost a whine, begging the others to see it his way. Janet could see the plea in his eyes as he searched everyone's face, seeking verification of his reasoning. "Maybe he had a partner?" Now he was grasping at straws.

When no one offered an explanation Janet felt she had to get him to understand. She'd had longer to think about this and, as much as she might wish he could be correct, the cold hard facts could not be denied.

"All that's true, Daniel, but it doesn't change the fact that he was already dead when Sam was abducted."

"Killed, not dead," Jack pointed out.

They were the first words he'd spoken since his earlier revelation. His eyes had been glued to Sam throughout the entire discussion. She hadn't moved or spoken a word since Janet began revealing Hanson's autopsy results. All the joy and happiness she'd found in Jack's arms had been blown away with the few words Janet had spoken. She was again plunged into a living nightmare, one she'd thought was over, but had returned full force to drag her and the people she loved back under its spell.

"Stalkers don't usually work with partners Daniel. That's usually a 'lone' person crime," Sam calmly explained, never actually focusing on anyone as she fought to mask her true feelings. She didn't want the others to see just how much this news was affecting her. She would not show fear or weakness. She could feel the Colonel's eyes boring into her, searching for the reaction she was hiding beneath her strong, Air Force Major mask.

"Unfortunately, we're left with even more of a mystery!" Janet's voice trailed off, as her mind continued, trying to make sense of the puzzle before them. "Who would want to kill Hanson??? And why???" she finally voiced aloud. She'd had more time to ponder the situation than the others and just knew there had to be something there she was missing.

"The two incidents must surely be related," Teal'c stated to the room at large, which had gone silent as everyone pondered the new twist this nightmare had taken.

"Okay, so we add 'Black Ops trained' to Sam's attacker's profile. How exactly does that help us figure out who he is or why he's after her? It still doesn't make any sense. So, what does that mean, exactly, 'Black Ops trained'? Daniel asked.

"It means that MajorCarter's abductor is capable of taking a life," Teal'c stated bluntly, "whilst leaving no evidence," voicing the thought the others were trying to avoid.

"Oh my God!" Jack choked out. **"THAT'S IT! It couldn't have been Hanson!"** He had too much adrenaline to remain seated as his mind worked at hyper speed, all of the pieces beginning to fall into place. That nagging feeling he'd had for so long had finally come into focus.

"What is it, Son?" Hammond asked, prompting Jack to enlighten the rest of the room as to what had suddenly become clear to him. He recognized that the Colonel liked to play dumb, but he had one of the sharpest strategic minds he'd ever seen. And right now that 'strategic mind' had made a connection that eluded everyone else.

"Carter's attacker could never have been Hanson, and not just because he was dead. The 'profile' didn't match," Jack finished.

"But Hanson did fit the profile, Jack. We all saw it. He was someone from Sam's past who was obsessed with her and wanted revenge. Even you said he fit," Daniel reminded him.

"You're right, Daniel, Hanson did fit the profile of the man we were looking for," Jack quickly conceded. He raised a finger to silence them as he continued. "But...Hanson never fit the 'profile' of the man who committed the crime. Teal'c is right; everything has to be connected. Hanson's killer had to have had 'Black-Ops' training and so did the man who broke into Carter's house. There's no way Hanson was good enough to break into her place not once, but twice, and not leave a single piece of evidence behind. Just like the method that was used to kill Hanson, it takes a lot of training...'Black-Ops' training…to be able to do that. That's what's been bugging me all this time but I just couldn't put my finger on it until now. See, _I_ could get in and out Carter's house and never leave any evidence. The problem is...I forgot that everyone else couldn't. **But I know someone else who could, and who DOES fit the profile of who could have done this to Sam! Oh God, why didn't I see this sooner? I could have done something!**"

Jack's rage hadn't diminished as he tried to get the others to see what was now so clear to him, but he didn't have all day to waste on them.

_'The answer's been staring me in the face all this time and I missed it!'_ Jack berated himself for again failing everyone. He'd made more mistakes than even the rawest recruit. Sam's life was at stake and he'd failed her over and over again. He'd allowed his feelings for her and a ghost of the past to get in the way and it had put her at risk time after time. But not anymore. He understood everything now. He was not gonna allow anything to harm her again.

He had all the evidence he needed and now it was time to make him pay...pay for all the pain and suffering he'd caused. Jack would be 'Judge, Jury and Executioner." He stormed out of the room. It was time to make him pay.

Still not fully understanding the meaning of everything Jack had said, the others scrambled to follow, easily keeping track by following the loud curses that floated back to them as Jack made his way several floors below. Still too keyed up to be confined in the elevator, he'd taken the stairs.

The more he thought about it, the madder he got, alternating between disbelief and rage. _'It couldn't be...no way.'_ He could already feel his fingers closing around his neck. And it wouldn't be some quick, painless death...no, no, no. For what he'd done he would have to suffer a long time. He was more than willing to live with any consequences after he was finished, but he would make him pay.

To Be Continued


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five

His anger and rage barely contained, Jack swiped his car. He slung the door open with such force it bounced off the wall, hitting him in the back as he stormed into the room. Caught completely off guard, it took Dr McKenzie several seconds to recover enough to summon help. Jack had stormed in and gone straight for Turner. His blinding rage was all consuming. He'd waited a long time to put a face to the nightmare they'd all been living. And it had now turned out to be someone they all knew. But as guilt-ridden as he'd been since he'd discovered the whole truth about Turner and everything he'd been made to suffer, it did not excuse the things he'd done. He'd been so caught up in the 'who' of Sam's rape and torture he was only just now realizing the 'why'. **_REVENGE_**. And then it hit him. Everything Turner had done to her was done to hurt him. He was the reason she'd been brutally raped and tortured. It was all his fault. A choked _'Oh my god'_ broke free from his chest, the realization enough to kill him. The only thing staying his suicidal hand was his need to exact justice for Sam. He'd have plenty of time later to deal with his own guilt.

Grabbing Turner by the front of his shirt he lifted him, banging him against the concrete wall, slamming him repeatedly as his shouts grew in volume.

"**_It was you all along! You did this! WHY? If you had a score to settle with me YOU COME TO ME! She never did anything to you!"_ **

Jack continued banging Joe against the wall even though he put no effort into defending himself, allowing Jack to throw him around like a rag doll. He didn't even seem to be aware that he was being beaten as he hung limply in Jack's hands.

The entire scene had only gone on a few seconds before the others rushed into the room, spurred on by the violence they could hear coming from the room. Accessing the situation immediately, Teal'c moved to separate the men as McKenzie simply watched on, not attempting to enter the physical altercation. The SF's who'd been dispatched, were dismissed by the General as things began to sort themselves out.

Janet rushed to join McKenzie in evaluating Turner's physical and psychological condition after such a traumatic incident. Teal'c was forced to physically restrain Jack to keep him from doing Turner further bodily harm. The General signaled that they should move closer to the door in case the Colonel couldn't be controlled and had to be removed. But he wanted this whole situation resolved as soon as possible. It had caused enough of a disruption to Base operations already. They needed answers and a solution soon. With the two groups as far apart as possible, he turned his attention back to the Colonel's allegations as the others tried to reason with him.

"**_Don't you get it? He did it! It had to be him. It all fits. He's the one we've been looking for all this time and he's been right under our noses!" _**Jack shouted, trying to free himself from Teal'c's iron grip.

"Come on, Jack, be reasonable. Look at him," Daniel challenged, gesturing to the man now sitting on the foot of his bed staring out blankly at some imaginary spot on the wall. "There's no way he'd be able to do those things." Daniel's voice was calm and reassuring, a glaring counterpoint to Jack's as he continued to fight against Teal'c's hold.

"Colonel, Daniel's right. It would be physically impossible in his condition." Janet, satisfied with Turner's condition, had moved to re-join the other group and add her professional voice to the mix trying to get through to the Colonel.

"I don't care what his condition is! I'm telling you, it was him!" he yelled. Raising his voice even louder, he directed his next statement to Turner, hoping to get some response from him so the others could see him for what he truly was. "**_TELL 'EM! TELL 'EM YOU DID ALL OF THIS JUST TO GET BACK AT ME!"_**

Daniel spoke into the stunned silence Jack's last comment had caused, hoping to reason with Jack, to make him see how far-fetched and ludicrous his idea really was. "Jack, don't you see, if all he wanted was revenge against you, why'd he kill Hanson? You'd never even heard of the man until all this started."

Getting his second wind, he opened his mouth to further challenge Jack's theory and was shocked to hear the quiet sing-song voice of Captain Turner speaking. Turning his attention to Turner, along with the others, he stared dumbstruck at Turner, who was still sitting peacefully on the foot of his bed, rocking back and forth and staring out at nothing as he spoke almost to himself.

"He wasn't in the plan. You must stick to the plan, **ALWAYS**. People get killed when you don't stick to the plan. He wasn't in the plan. Couldn't let that happen. I had to get him out of the way before he ruined everything. It was the only way." Turner continued rambling on, rocking and staring blankly into a night only he could see. Everyone stood frozen, listening as the last of this man's sanity slowly unraveled.

"But why, Captain, after all this time...all these years? If this was all just about revenge against Colonel O'Neill, why'd you wait so long? It's been over thirty years!" McKenzie prodded, trying desperately to understand and direct Turner's memories for an explanation of his timing.

"Thought he was dead all this time. I should really thank Senator Kinsey...I thought it was all over years ago...had moved on...started wandering around...no reason to stay here anymore. I thought it was over after Charlie. He disappeared...'ate a bullet' after Charlie, they said. Then one day...there he was on my TV, all 'spit and polish' in all his medals with the good Senator. He wasn't dead...hadn't been dead, and now that I knew...I had to...had to make him pay...make him suffer...finish what I started all those years ago...only this time I wouldn't stop until it was over...until I had made him pay for everything he'd done to us." There was very little holding his mind in the present, as he sat, hand resting in his lap, emotionless he began to reveal all.

Fearing he already knew the answer but needing to confirm it, Dr. McKenzie had to ask, "Why Major Carter? She hadn't done anything to you. "

Barely above a whisper Turner explained, "First rule of combat...hit them where it hurts." He made it sound like he was reading instructions from a manual. Which he probably had done as part of the training he'd received to serve his country. Lost for a minute, stunned by his matter-of-fact delivery, no one knew what to say or do. Even Jack had ceased his struggles.

"O'Neill had to pay for what he did. Killing him would be too easy...too quick. He had to suffer...suffer the same way he left me to suffer. I tracked him...studied him...learned his every move...his weaknesses…the one person who would cause him to suffer the most. Then I studied her...learned everything there was to know about her. Learned her schedule...followed her day after day...everywhere she went...everything she did...until the time was right for the next phase. But then HE almost destroyed everything. If I had been one minute later HE'D have destroyed everything. But he won't bother us again. He'll never ruin my plans again. He wasn't worthy. He had no right to be there. He had no respect for her. She was a soldier...a better soldier than him. He shouldn't have been there. All he wanted was to get his use out of her then kill her...he would never have given her the chance to fight back, soldier to soldier. He was sloppy and unprofessional. I couldn't allow him to do that. It was a good plan. She was a worthy opponent, a strong soldier...never gave up...never broke...never stopped fighting." Stunned at how much respect they could hear in his description, his next whispered statement was almost too low to hear.

"Not like me...I broke...gave up and stopped fighting. It might have been different...if..." He was lost to them again. Lost in his own past…rewriting his own history...seeing the difference her strength would have made to him had he only been as strong as she. But only for a moment before his mind shook it off and returned to the present as their voices continued to question.

"How'd you know about the Colonel's son? How long have you been following him?" McKenzie continued to question. He knew how tightly the Colonel guarded his personal life. He'd been at the SGC for some time before anyone knew of Charlie and then only because of the 'Blue Crystal Energy' creature. He could well see them never having learned of him otherwise. This man spoke of it almost with an intimacy born of first-hand knowledge.

"I know everything there is to know about Colonel Jack O'Neill. Had to make sure he paid for what he did. I followed his every move." His emotionless delivery sent chills down everyone's spine as he described the things he'd done to avenge the horrible wrongs that had been done to him. "It didn't take much to track him down after I was pieced back together and shipped state-side. But it took almost three years...that pathetic excuse for a hospital had to put me back together...after everything those monsters did to me before they tired of me...dumped me on the side of the road with the trash. But then I got back, only to learn that he'd let everyone believe I was dead." He stopped speaking, zeroing in and locking his eyes with Jack's, searching his face for the answers which had gone unknown for decades. But now, at long last the moment had arrived when all his questions could be answered.

"Why? Was it just so you could cover up your dirty little secret of how bad you screwed up?" Turner asked. You could hear the plea in his voice as he begged for answers as to why he'd been left to endure such suffering. "The three of us put our lives on the line to protect you, and what did we get? Pierce and Garner dead and left behind and me left to be a POW. And what did you get? They rewarded you. YOU! Gave you a medal and a promotion. No, no, no! Don't you get it? You had to pay. I was the only one left and I had to make sure that you did."

"Captain, what do you mean 'you had to make him pay'? Dr. McKenzie asked still trying to keep his patient focused. He had invested many fruitless hours working with this patients and felt sure it was about to pay off. This was the longest and most attentive the Captain had ever been. He felt sure the breakthrough he'd hoped for was finally about to happen.

"CaptainTurner are you saying you were responsible for MajorCarter's attacks?" Teal'c asked, his deep baritone voice just as emotionless as Turner's but you could see the doubt clearly written on his face. He'd remained silent, but the implications of his meaning were staggering. They'd all been witness to the Captain's many sessions and even with Turner's apparent confession Teal'c could still see no way it could be possible. He could see the look on his friend's face and read the murderous intent there, but he could also see that small amount of doubt that had not been there earlier. He could not be sure which way he would fall as this man continued to try to exact his revenge. He moved a step closer to Jack, fearing the level of rage the answer would let loose in him. After a lifetime of serving the Goa'uld he'd thought he'd seen the worst suffering that could be inflicted on another, but he feared CaptainTurner's revenge had reached a whole new level. He'd thought only the Goa'uld could so heartlessly inflict such a level of suffering on another.

"Major Carter was a worthy opponent...a soldier...strong." You could see his eyes glazing over again, his short moment of clarity gone as he sank back into himself. Speaking less to them and more as a stream of consciousness to himself, he continued his tale of horrors. "That was the mistake I made in the beginning." Sam could feel Daniel and Janet move to her side to lend their strength and support as she fought to hold herself together as Turner continued without emotion to describe the nightmare he'd caused in his quest for revenge. Any emotion she showed now would only hurt the Colonel if he felt responsible. She was pulled from her thoughts as she heard Turner continue.

"The others weren't soldiers. They were too weak...not strong like her."

"Others? What others?" McKenzie asked pleased that he seemed to finally be breaking through.

"The first one broke. She broke too soon...couldn't handle it. But I did get my pound of flesh...I made you suffer O'Neill, even if it was over too soon. You made it hard for a while to get to her...changing her routine...making sure someone was with her all the time. Somehow you knew I was there...knew I was watching you. But I just waited...waited for that one perfect moment when I could get to her. And then I struck. But she was too weak, not like Major Carter. She couldn't take it when I started calling."

Only Teal'c's strong grip prevented Jack from reaching Turner as the man continued to detail the extent of his revenge. Jack began to realize that he hadn't been paranoid or overprotective of Sahara. He'd _known_ someone was watching and studying them, but he'd allowed the others to convince him he was wrong. Being 'right' was cold comfort now. He'd failed her, but even worst, he'd been the cause of all her pain and suffering in the first place.

"But I learned...I learned. Had to be less direct...play with their minds a little. Phone calls, breaking in...taking things...moving things. Always when you were away on a mission...when she was alone. Making her think she was losing her mind. Letting her know I was watching her...could get to her anytime. That she was never safe. A note on her pillow...a phone call as she read it. The fear and the threats...it could have gone on for years if it hadn't been for Charlie's accident."

"Oh, God, no…not Sara too! Oh my God! No! Why didn't she ever say anything? Why didn't she tell me? And then Charlie… Oh God!" Jack's gut-wrenching sorrow unmistakable.

Jack was lost in his own nightmare as Turner continued to reveal all he'd done in the name of revenge. The others moved to close ranks around him, subconsciously taking up defense positions. Sam stood with Daniel and Janet on his right while General Hammond stood to his left and slightly behind him, leaving Teal'c in front and to the left of him, to protect and shield him from the threat they all sensed from Turner. The room had gone quiet except for Turner's whispering as he confessed all he'd done in the name of vengeance...and the list was staggering.

In the silence Janet's was the only voice of reason. Her brow deeply creased in concentration, she knew there was something she'd been missing. "You said it took the doctors over three years." Everyone's attention was focused on her. "But I was there. That would've been over a year after Sahara died. And the Colonel wasn't even in the States then."

She was the only person in the room who knew Jack's past that well. His eyes locked with hers as he realized she was correct. He'd been so caught up in his rage he hadn't caught it. But his mind still didn't want to give up. Turner had known things...he'd been right about so much. Janet could see the struggle in his eyes.

He'd had been so sure. Everything had seemed so clear back in the Briefing Room. The story Turner had woven, so much like the one in his head. But Janet was right. And if that part of his story wasn't true...oh, he had no doubt Turner had been following him over the years. How else would he know some of the things he knew? He could even remember times when he'd felt he was being watched but nothing had ever come of it. Now he knew. It would be so nice if they could assign blame for this entire nightmare to one evil villain and bring an end to everyone's pain and suffering but life rarely worked out so nice and neatly. He would not find answers here today, only the broken shell of a man consumed by his rage and revenge.

There was nothing more they could do. They'd hoped to find answers in this room today, but they weren't to be found. Certainly not from this man. Exhausted from the day's struggles and disappointed at their lack of results, the others slowly filed out of the room. There wasn't much to be said. They would rest and tackle the problem a fresh tomorrow.

The others departed, leaving Jack to stare and wonder how he could ever have thought this shell of a man could be the monster they sought. He was so lost in his own thoughts he was momentarily startled when Sam rested her hand lightly on his shoulder. She hadn't wanted to startle him but she couldn't leave him in this condition. She had some idea of what he must have been going through if he believed he was the cause of everything she'd gone through. The guilt he must have felt. But nothing Turner had said was true; it would just take time for that knowledge to sink in. She would be there by his side until it did. None of what had happened to her was his fault. She would make sure he knew it.

"Let's go, Sir. We won't find any answers here."

He knew she was right. They wouldn't find those answers here. Looking at the man who only minutes before he'd felt so sure was the one they sought, all he felt now was pity. He understood, better than most, the toll being a POW could take on a man's soul; after all, he'd felt the same way about Cromwell for years. If you didn't move past it, it would destroy you. What he was seeing now was a destroyed man. Turner didn't seem to be aware anyone was in the room with him as he continued to stare out into space with the same glazed look on his face.

Jack knew there was nothing he could do for Turner. As much as he felt the guilt for all he'd been made to suffer, he knew it had been out of his hands from the beginning. If blaming him for a mission gone bad made it easier for Turner, then so be it. He could live with the part he'd played in that disastrous mission. Mistakes were made and everyone had suffered because of it. But Turner didn't want to hear or remember the truth. Instead, he'd focused on the only other survivor and laid all the blame at his feet. He'd allowed his hatred to consume his life until there was nothing left.

Moving toward the door he allowed his hand to lightly caress Sam's back before coming to rest at her waist, guiding her from the room and away from the nightmare it stirred. Jack could feel the tremble start through her body even before his mind had time to recognize the sound it was hearing. Her body froze after only one more step.

Sam could feel all the blood drain from her face...she was finding it hard to breathe as the tinny voice they would never have identified as Joe's rang out. That same voice she heard every time she closed her eyes. It taunted her over and over in her nightmares and here it was again...only this time it was real. As unbelievable as it was given his physical condition, there could be no doubt that it was the same voice saying the same thing.

_'They tell you no one ever gets left behind, but it's a lie. They leave people behind all the time.'_

Stunned, unable to believe in her mind what her body had already accepted, she turned slowly, seeing for the first time the man from her nightmares. Even though she continued to deny the truth, her analytical mind was hard at work trying to reconcile her memory of him and the reality sitting before her. That voice, which had sounded as though it were coming through a bad speaker, was his real voice filtered through the voice box he'd been fitted with after his captors severed his vocal cords to silence him. His many skin grafts and burn marks had caused her drugged mind to believe his face was melting and sliding off. And there were so many other things that she could finally see in him that she'd missed all those other times. Turner was the man...had been the man. Everything he'd confessed earlier had been true...outrageous and unbelievable...but true nevertheless.

"NO! It can't be. I'd have known if it was you. It's not possible..." Her body began to shake and tremble as tears streaked down her face and she fought to draw breath. The realization that she was now face to face with her worst nightmare and that this man, who only seconds ago had been nothing but a battered and broken shell had, with those few words, transformed into her worst fear.

Sam was so lost in her own turmoil it didn't register that Jack had lunged past her and grabbed Joe, who'd been advancing on them as he spoke. Jack's rage finally reached her. The more Turner taunted Jack with all the things he'd revealed earlier, the more out of control Jack became. Not even attempting to defend himself, Joe's voice rose, begging and pleading with Jack to end his pain and suffering. Chanting over and over words that still sounded to her like gibberish, but words she was sure she'd heard the Colonel mumble.

It was a losing battle trying to pull the Colonel off Turner; he was so blinded by rage nothing would stop him. Nothing, that is, except Sam's pleas. Still tugging and trying to break the death grip he had on Turner's throat, her control had also reached its limit. Her tears and choked cries finally broke through the red haze that had descended over him. Sam's voice begged and pleaded with the Colonel to stop, even as Turner's begged him to finish him off.

"**NO! DON'T YOU GET IT? HE DESERVES TO DIE...TO SUFFER...FOR ALL THE THINGS HE DID. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? EVERYTHING HE SAID EARLIER WAS THE TRUTH! IT WAS HIM...HE'S THE REASON SHE KILLED HERSELF. EVERYTHING HE DID TO YOU,"** Jack screamed, his body shaking in rage at the realization of all the pain and suffering this man had caused all in the name of revenge toward him.

"You're right. I agree with you, Colonel. You're right, he does deserve to suffer...to be punished. But killing him isn't the answer. That's exactly what he wants you to do. Can't you see? He's trying to make you kill him. Don't give him the satisfaction. It would be more of a punishment for him to live, to make him live with everything he's been through...everything he's done. Please Colonel, please." Sam continued to beg and plead, trying to get him to see past the rage Turner continued to fuel.

"Don't listen to her." Turner screamed in the voice they had become accustomed to hearing. "You're right, I am the reason she took her own life. I'm the one who did all those things to her and your Major. I deserve to die. I tortured and raped them. You have to make me pay for that. Don't listen to her," Turner continued, taunting and begging Jack to end it once and for all, chanting his gibberish over and over.

Finally able to see past the haze of rage that had clouded his mind, Jack could see that Sam was right; Turner wanted to be killed. He was trying to send him so out of control that he'd kill him. He wanted Turner to pay, but he'd be damned if he'd give him what he wanted. Sam was right, it would be more of a punishment for him to live.

Releasing his choke hold on Turner's neck, Jack got up, dusting himself off, his rage and anger still there but now channeled toward a different goal. Then Turner's voice rose. He was chanting louder and louder, repeating the gibberish almost like a prayer.

"Colonel, what's he saying...what does it mean?" Sam asked, unable to understand what was being said but sure the Colonel could.

"That's where you're wrong!" Jack screamed back at him. You forfeited your right. I won't give you the satisfaction of a quick death. I want you to suffer...suffer everyday for what you've done." Jack's voice was little more than a growl as he turned his back on the man who'd been responsible for so much of his pain and suffering for the last thirty years. The man who'd targeted everyone he'd ever cared for...making them suffer for his failure on that day so long ago.

"No, no, no. You have to. It's my right!" Joe screamed, his voice becoming more and more hysterical. You could hear the desperation. "You accepted the oath. You have to fulfill your pledge. You have to!" His voice got louder and louder. His rage and desperation seemed to give him a speed and agility that should have been impossible in his physical condition. He charged toward them as the others returned, drawn back by the violence they'd been able to hear from down the hall. Turner grabbed Sam's throat in a death grip, and Sam only managed one startled gasp before Turner dropped limply to the floor.

Janet wasn't really sure what she'd seen, one moment Sam had been in danger and the next Turner was on the floor, head at an unnatural angle. Making a quick examination, Janet met the others' eyes in shock and disbelief as she announced that Turner was dead. All eyes turned to Jack, he'd said he was capable of doing it and now there was no doubt. "His neck's been broken...at the second vertebrae."

_**To Be Continued...**_


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note's:** Hello again. So, so sorry for the unforgivable delay. This chapter show have been up before the end of the year. I've actually had it finished and ready to post that long. But, unfortunately real life has been a bit overwhelming. Thankfully this time not because I was sick. I had two brother's who's daughters both gave birth a day apart during the holidays. The ensuring craziness has finally settled. I got back and there were so many great stories to read that I couldn't stop to post until I caught up, so now here you go. I hope there's still someone out there interested in reading this. Let me know what you think. There's still one more chapter to go, but it may be a while since I haven't really started it yet. What can I say, you know how I freeze when it comes to writing smut. And I have been informed there just must be a final Sam and Jack smut chapter. So...as soon as I unfreeze I'll see if I can do one. But since everyone already knows I'm no good at it you shouldn't be too disappointed.

**Author's Note:** I need to say a special thanks for all the great reviews I've received. You guys have been so wonderful, not one bad review and that's kinda scary since I know I'm not that good. Does that mean I'm so bad you all just feel sorry for me. If so I can live with that. Keep it up. Also special thanks for all the wonderful help I've had with this. We all know I'll miss someone if I try to list them here. Beside much more and this will be longer than the chapter. So look for that list at the end of the next chapter. I'm sure it will be much longer by then anyway.

**Author's Note:** One last thing. I'm told I must give permission for this to be archived to the various different sites. Since I don't know all the different names consider this my permission to post this anywhere you wish and if you let me know I'll come visit it.

* * *

_**AND NOW ON WITH OUR STORY...**_

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

This day had been such a roller-coaster ride and the emotional tally would continue for some time. It was far from over and their wounds would be a long time healing. But, to some small degree, there was closure. Questions had been answered and demons laid to rest. But no one kidded themselves; there was still a long road ahead of them. But, after all that had happened today, the healing had at least begun.

Joining the others gathered around the briefing room table where it had all begun, Jack looked at his watch and was shocked to see that less than thirty minutes had passed since he'd left this room. He gave only a small portion of his focus to McKenzie's explanations: to his theories on how Turner had been physically able to do things that should have been impossible in his condition; and to the various personalities they'd witnessed during Turner's stay.

"The mind..." McKenzie explained, "...is a powerful tool. Turner's had fought against all odds to help him survive the horrors of his captivity...by adapting and changing...by creating the many personalities necessary for him to survive...by dividing and further subdividing as reality became more than he could handle. His mind has created its own world, its own reality." He pointed out that the burns and grafts on Turner's face, which had been less noticeable under the skull cap he always wore, could easily have given the Major's drugged mind the impression of a 'face melting and falling off' as she had described after her abduction.

Jack didn't really see the need for the doctor's ramblings. Turner had been Sam's attacker. There was no disputing that fact. He was also responsible for everything that had happened to Sahara. And, although he hadn't known until today, he'd also been the cause of much of the trouble he and Sara had had. Turner's confession explained so much of Sara's behavior every time he'd left or returned from a mission. He continued to beat himself up for not seeing the signs. Sara's personality had changed so much from the exciting, outgoing, independent woman he'd been drawn to. By the end, she'd become really clingy and nervous, always begging and pleading with him not to go on missions...not to leave her alone.

Sam had said how her attacker had continually talked about being left behind and Turner had mentioned that, as well. Why hadn't he realized then? And then, during his therapy sessions with McKenzie, Turner had spoken repeatedly about _'being thrown away like trash on the side of the road'_, which was almost the exact same words Sam had used when she'd described what had been done to her. And Sahara had been dumped on the side of the road just like Sam had…he could see the connection so easily now. He'd had so many opportunities to see…there'd been so many clues, all screaming out that something strange was going on...that all these awful things that had happened to Sahara, to Sara, and now to…Sam…were all connected...were all connected to him.

He was trying hard to remember why no one had thought it strange when Sahara had been found dumped on the side of the road within clear view of the 'guard station'. How would anyone know to leave her there of all places. She was taken from the mall. How would he know she had connection to the base. Why hadn't he questioned that location or its reason back then? Obviously, she hadn't been there the entire time or someone would've seen her, but then no one had seen her being dumped there either. It would've required perfect timing to pull something like that off, long hours studying the guards routines and behavior. There had been so many chances for him to figure this all out and he'd missed each and every one of them. Maybe had he been able to figure all this out sooner he could have done something to end it all, to save Sam from what she'd been through. He'd let down everyone he'd ever cared about.

He supposed he should be trying harder to follow along but his mind was still working overtime trying to comprehend how everything in his life had changed in the last thirty minutes...everything he thought he knew about his life had been turned upside down. The last thirty years of his life had just been re-written. It was a lot to take in.

He could hear Daniel jump in to remind everyone of Janet's earlier statement.

"I think you keep forgetting something. Janet. Didn't you just say that Turner wasn't even in the country at the time of the first attack?" He looked to her to verify that that statement was still true, only to see her brows drawn tightly together as she re-examined that assumption. She knew the responsibility fell to her to verify such details since she was most likely the only one who would know the Colonel's past well enough. Jack certainly wasn't able to at the moment. She could tell he was in too much shock to do it himself...and so was Sam.

"Captain Turner said it took the doctors three years..." Janet trailed off, trying hard to remember exactly how he had worded it. "...unless..." she continued, eyes losing their focus as her mind tried to solve the puzzle. "...unless...he meant a _total_ of three years, including his time as a POW. That mission was in '73 and Sahara's death was in '76..." Her eyes cleared and refocused on the faces around the table as the timeline fell into place to match Turner's story. "If it was just a total of three years, then he could have been back in time...if he came back and immediately started following Colonel O'Neill...it would fit," she concluded.

Turning, Janet focused on Jack as she continued. "You thought someone was following you...watching you before Sahara's attack...maybe it was him." She finished as more and more of her memory came back. She could practically see Jack suffocating under the pain and guilt that he felt at being the reason for all of their pain and suffering. "It wasn't your fault, Sir. You did everything you could...you changed her routine...had us watching her...as I recall you drove us crazy with all of your precautions. And you did all of that based on nothing more than a 'feeling'. And you had that same feeling a few months ago...that was probably him also" He finally met her stare, but she could tell he was unconvinced...the guilt wouldn't leave easily or soon.

Jack couldn't meet anyone's eyes, certain they'd be able to see his guilt reflected back. He was responsible...the cause of all the suffering everyone had had to endure. It was all his fault. Turner had targeted everyone he'd ever cared about...making them the focus of all the rage he'd harbored. Everything Sahara had been put through...everything Sara had gone through...and then...Sam. She might never be the same...and all because of him. She'd held it together so well so far...so much better than him. But he could see the signs of shock in her eyes...could see that she was still convinced she could control all of her emotions by sheer force of will. But he'd been through it before and knew it didn't work that way. He just hoped, for her sake, that he could get her out of here before it hit. She wouldn't want to fall apart in front of the others...that might just be more than she could handle on top of everything else. He would deal with his own guilt once he was sure she was okay. He'd been right...someone would have to pay for everyone's suffering...that someone just turned out to be him. He still held out hope that the review board would take care of that. He deserved whatever they decided to do to him. He'd failed everyone enough already. He wasn't going to fail her again.

Sam had seen the Colonel's eyes finally wander from the tabletop where he'd kept them fixed since they'd all gathered. For just a moment after Janet's eyes had released his he locked his gaze on her. It had been brief...but more than enough to see the demons he was wrestling with, the guilt he felt for being the cause of everyone's pain and suffering. It was enough to make her redouble her efforts...he felt guilty enough without adding to that load by breaking down...falling apart. He didn't need that...didn't deserve that. She was a 'smart girl', a 'strong soldier'. She'd been trained to handle personal trauma...it was required of every female in the military...this was no different. She had no doubt he was beating himself up enough.

Jack snapped out of it as he became aware of Daniel repeating a question. He'd asked several times from the sound of things but had gotten no response. However, following a lifetime of ingrained training, General Hammond's voice was able to snap him back to the present as he repeated the question Daniel seemed to think was so important.

"Jack, you obviously understood what Captain Turner was saying. What was it?" Hammond asked in his most commanding tone. He could easily see that Jack was a million miles away. Today had taken its toll on everyone, but especially Jack. It would be a long time before any of them recovered.

"Yes, Jack, you still haven't explained the meaning of the words Captain Turner kept repeating. What does..." and Daniel rattled off a string of sounds that seemed to match what the others had heard numerous times during Joe's therapy sessions with McKenzie.

"It means _'end my suffering'_." He was speaking now, but no one doubted that Jack was still miles away, lost in his own world. His eyes had lost their focus and his voice was flat...mechanical...like a machine...the machine Jack had left on automatic pilot to deal with the conversation they were having while he was far away.

"When I was a POW...the prisoners that were there with me...we made a pact. When the torture...the pain...the abuse…became too much, when we'd given up...given out...couldn't take it anymore, we would pray. Pray to one another and know our prayers would be answered. Know that one of the other prisoners would hear and end our suffering when we where no longer able."

Ever the inquisitor, Daniel couldn't help continuing to question the language. "I don't recognize that dialect, though. I thought you were held in an Iraqi POW camp. I know all the different dialects and variations of their language, Jack, and that's not one of them."

"That's because it's a prison language, Daniel. What would be the point of speaking a language the guards could hear and understand? They'd never allow us to carry out our plans if they understood what we were saying. Every prison...every cell block…always creates it's own language. Ours was only three words..._"Silence my screams"._

The room went deadly silent. The silence stretched on for an eternity as the people around the table tried to digest what Jack had just said and grasp the implications: that a people's entire vocabulary could consist of only a three-word prayer. Not a prayer for mercy, or forgiveness or escape, but a prayer sent out to the others of your own kind for the only grace they had to give. 'Silence my screams'. _The sheer enormity of that concept left everyone envisioning the conditions they had been forced to endure and the depth of despair they must have suffered before whispering that final prayer, to 'Silence My Screams'._

_**To Be Continued...**_

_Only one more chapter guys. Tell me what you think and what you'd like to see and how you'd like to see this end._


	27. Chapter 27

**Title: **Silenced Screams

**Author:** Zhaan

**Email:** Season Seven

**Rating:** NC-17

**Spoiler:** None

**Category:** Romance/Angst/Drama

**Pairings:** Sam/Jack, some Daniel/Janet, others

**Summary:** Painful memories from Jack's Black Op days resurface. He must find a way to protect the one he loves and deal with his anguish and pain.

**Disclaimer:** Sadly they are not mine, more's the pity. They belong to others. I'm just playing with them, I promise to put them back when I'm finished. I only own this story, which isn't much

**ARCHIVE:** SJD, Yes. S/J NC17 Fanfic Archive, Fan fiction, any and all others are more than welcome to it. Just drop me a line so that I can come visit it.

Hi guys,

I'm finally back! Sorry for the long delay...AGAIN. At least this time I've got it all finished. I know I said there was only one more chapter, but as I was writing it I realized there was just too much left to cover to make it all fit in one chapter. So, the bad news is...there's more than one chapter to go. But the good news is...I've written them all. Not only written them but also run them by my wonderful beta Sue who's make them better than I could ever have hoped. So all the way to 'THE END' is finished and all the chapters are being posted together. Since I'll be away from all computers and on-line access for the next month or so, I won't be able to respond to reviews. However, I appreciate any and all reviews, good or bad, and I'll be looking forward to reading them as soon as I return, when I'll respond to them all. Please be patient. I sincerely hope these last few chapters will have been worth the wait.

When I started this it was supposed to take less than a month and here we are past the one-year mark. A very sincere 'thank you' to everyone who's stuck with me through this whole long process. Thank you for all the kind words and encouragements; they've meant more than I could ever say. Thank you. Thank you to everyone who's recognized my struggle and stopped to lend a hand. I could not have done this without all of your help. And last, but certainly not least, a very special thank you to Jenni. This all began with me beta'ing a story for her. Her story plot was enough to tickle my muse into wanting to try my hand at writing. (Not to worry, I've had a nice long talk with my muse and it's promised never to do that again.) She was such a free-hearted person that she allowed me to play around with her plot bunny, even going so far as to allowing me to use some of her original characters. I know of no one else who would be that kind. When you've got the time I would recommend everyone give her story a read. I've even included the link to make it easy for you.

**Silent Screams in the Night** by i love scifi

http://sjalways-forever. Thank you one and all. Hope you enjoy. I look forward to your feedback.

Zhaan

_**Previously...**_

_Sam had seen the Colonel's eyes finally wander from the tabletop where he'd kept them fixed since they'd all gathered. For just a moment after Janet's eyes had released his he locked his gaze on her. It had been brief...but more than enough to see the demons he was wrestling with. The guilt he felt for being the cause of everyone's pain and suffering. It was enough to make her re-double her efforts...he felt guilty enough without adding to that load by breaking down...falling apart. He didn't need that...didn't deserve that. She was a 'smart girl', a 'strong soldier', she'd been trained to handle personal trauma...it was required of every female in the military...this was no different. She had no doubt he was beating himself up enough._

_Jack came out of his thoughts to the sound of Daniel repeating his question. He'd asked several times from the sound of things and gotten no answer but, following a lifetime of ingrained training, General Hammond's voice snapped him back to the present as he repeated the question Daniel seemed to think was so important._

"_Jack, you obviously understood what Captain Turner was saying. What was it?" Daniel asked. He could easily see that Jack was a million miles away. Today had taken its toll on everyone, but especially Jack. It would be a long time before any of them recovered._

"_Jack, you still haven't explained the meaning of the words Captain Turner kept repeating. What does..." and he rattled off a string of sounds that seemed to match what the others had heard numerous times during Joe's therapy sessions with McKenzie._

"_It means '__**end my suffering'**__." He was speaking now, but no one doubted that Jack was still miles away, lost in his own world. His eyes had lost their focus and his voice was flat...mechanical...like a machine...the machine Jack had left on automatic to deal with the conversation they were having while he was far away._

"_When I was a POW...the prisoners that were there with me...we made a pact. When the torture...the pain...the abuse became too much, when we'd given up...given out...couldn't take it anymore, we would pray. Pray to one another and know our prayers would be answered. Know that one of the other prisoners would hear and end our suffering when we were no longer able." _

_Ever the inquisitor, Daniel couldn't help continuing to question the language. "I don't recognize that dialect, though. I thought you were held in an Iraqi POW camp. I know all the different dialects and variations of their language, Jack, and that's not one of them."_

"_That's because it's a prison__ language, Daniel. What would be the point of speaking a language the guards could hear and understand? They'd never allow us to carry out our plans if they understood what we were discussing. Every prison...every cell block, always creates it's own language. Ours was only three words..."Silence my screams."_

_The room went deadly silent. The silence stretched on for an eternity as the people around the table tried to digest what Jack had just said and grasp the implications of it's meaning...that a people's entire vocabulary could consist of only a three-word prayer. Not a prayer for mercy, or forgiveness, or escape, but a prayer sent out to the others of your own kind for the only grace they had to give. 'Silence my screams'. __The sheer enormity of that concept leaving everyone to envision the conditions they had been forced to endure and the depth of despair they must have suffered before whispering that final prayer to 'silence my screams'."_

_**And now on with the story...**_

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

The silence stretched on, everyone lost in the nightmare that had been Jack's life for four months.

"How would CaptainTurner know the meaning of such words, O'Neill?" Teal'c's strong baritone voice brought them back to the matter at hand. "If what you say is correct, only those imprisoned closest to you would understand the meaning. Yet, CaptainTurner spoke them with understanding, begging repeatedly for the release they promised."

Imagining the horrors Jack had been forced to endure during his days as a POW, no one had given thought to the point Teal'c had just raised. Finally focusing back on the present, Jack's eyes moved from the tabletop to meet Teal'c's as the question pierced the whirlwind of his emotions.

"He couldn't," Jack realized.

"We were the only ones and none of the others made it out alive…I was the last one." Jack's voice was barely above a whisper as he thought of those who'd suffered by his side all those years ago. He could still see the look of gratitude on the face of his last cell mate as he'd released him from the torment he could no longer endure. He could still hear the whispered apologies the man had offered, knowing what his death would mean...there would be no one to answer Jack's prayers now...no one left to release him when his torment became too great.

Clearing his throat he continued, "I never told anyone. There's no way he could know. I tried my best to bury all those memories. I didn't want to think about it and I sure as hell didn't want to talk about it. They threw doctor after doctor at me trying to get me to talk, but I couldn't…except…" His eyes found Janet's and locked with hers.

"…except…there was this one intern…she was there all the time…all those nights when I couldn't sleep…or after I'd had a bad day at therapy…it didn't really matter…she was just always there. She was just this little spitfire of a thing. She reminded me so much of you…" he said to Janet, a small smile stealing across his face for a second.

"...kicking my butt when I needed it...holding my hand when things were bad…" Shaking his head to clear the memory, he finally continued.

"One night after I'd had a really bad nightmare..."

"...she was right there, just like always, holding my hand..."

"...wiping the sweat and tears away..."

"...she said I'd been screaming something over and over…"

"...asked me what it meant…"

"…I told her…"

"...told her about a lot of the things they'd done to me. She was the only person I could talk to. We talked most of the night…"

"...but we never spoke of it again after that night..."

"...and I never told anyone else." His eyes slowly tracked to everyone in the room at that implication.

"Jack, that would mean Captain Turner really was following you...even back then," Daniel voiced what they were all thinking. "Watching your every move and from pretty damn close to have overheard a conversation you had with someone in the middle of the night. He would've almost had to have been in the same room with you." Daniel finished, pushing his glasses back up his nose. It made a chill run down everyone's spine with the implication.

"…flashbacks…" Janet mumbled to herself, then looked at Jack. "That phrase must've triggered flashbacks every time you heard it. It's why you reacted the way you did every time Captain Turner started chanting it."

Looking around at all of the confused expressions, Janet tried to explain. "It would explain why the Colonel never questioned how Captain Turner not only knew those words but also understood their meaning...the release they promised. You weren't prepared for all the memories those words triggered...all the feelings you'd buried, consciously and subconsciously. It would be like someone had flipped a switch and all of sudden you'd been dropped back into that 'hell hole'. You were so wrapped up dealing with all the things those words triggered that you weren't able to think straight enough to wonder how he even knew them." Janet paused and looked at Jack.

"I'm sorry, Sir, I really dropped the ball on this. I could see something was wrong but I was so focused on Sam, and Captain..." Janet quickly glanced at Sam and then focused back on Jack. "The first time it happened I thought you were just frustrated that we didn't seem to be making any progress...the way you stormed out of the room...didn't want to talk to anyone...wouldn't talk...even when Sam went after you...considering all she'd been through you would never have talked to her that way. But the second time I could see it was more than that. There was just so much going on that I let it slip through the cracks and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have," Janet apologized, knowing she'd failed him yet again.

Looking into Jack's eyes, she could see the truth of her conclusion. Even now she could see the hold it still had on him. He'd learned to hide so much of the darker side of his past...to bury it so that no one could see the price he'd paid…but this nightmare refused to go quietly into the night. It still held its power over him and none of the tricks he'd learned over the years could mask it. Unable to fully hide his emotions, Jack's eyes moved to focus on his unmoving hands resting in his lap, his immobility speaking volumes about the internal struggle he was waging to control and mask his feelings.

Wanting to finally bring this whole nightmare to a close, General Hammond cleared his throat and turned to address his CMO. "So, Doctor, is there anything else that needs to be clarified before this matter can be put to rest?"

Thankful for the General's quick change of subject, Janet was happy to finally be able to take the spotlight off her suffering friends. "No, Sir. I have everything I need and I'll also make available any of the unclassified records the authorities need so that they can wrap it up from their end. I'd say that it's finally over," Janet answered, as she began to gather her papers together. Looking up, she held the General's eyes as she completed her thought, "Well, as finished as possible, Sir. It's gonna take some time to get over the emotional toll. I would recommend at least a few weeks downtime for both the Major and Colonel, and I'd want to see the results of psych evaluations before I'd clear either of them for active duty, just to be on the safe side, Sir."

"Two weeks of downtime it is then, Doctor. That includes the rest of SG-1." Hammond agreed, having complete faith in her judgment. "I'll see everyone back here in two weeks, people. And Major, that means I don't want to see you on this base one minute before then. Understood?" He knew that if he didn't spell it out for her, Sam would find some way to hide out in her lab the entire time. "Doctor Frasier will organize psychological evaluations for the two of you when you return and then we'll see where we go from there. Understood?"

"Oh, and I'd also like to give you a quick check up before you leave, Sam. You may have healed physically but you've been through a lot of stress today. I'd like to make sure all of your stats are okay before you leave," Janet threw out absently as they all stood to leave the room.

"But, Janet, I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me. I..." Sam didn't get the chance to finish before the General interrupted.

"I agree with the doctor, Major. Make your next stop the infirmary, then off the base for a couple of weeks." Hammond cut off her argument before she could come up with all the reasons she didn't need to be checked out.

"They're right, Carter. During the best of times you don't half take care of yourself. There's no harm in just letting Doc give you the once over," Jack piped in, adding his voice to those already trying to persuade Sam to take care of herself. "Don't make me have to make that an order, Major." Sometimes it was like pulling teeth to get her to do what was best for her.

Finally giving in to the overwhelming numbers, Sam moved to follow Janet as the remaining members of SG-1 headed off to the locker room to change.

"Oh, Colonel, that includes you, too. My infirmary, NOW!" Janet threw over her shoulder, catching Jack completely off-guard.

"ME!!! BUT???" Caught completely flat footed, Jack did his best 'fish-face' impression as he tried desperately to come up with a good reason not to visit Dr Frasier's 'little shop of horrors'.

"Good idea, Doctor. I'll make sure he's there as soon I've finished with him. Colonel, my office." Hammond went into his office and took a seat.

Knowing defeat when he saw it, Jack dropped his head and followed Hammond into his office. The pout on his mouth would have been comical if not for the seriousness of the situation. Even so, he could still hear the low giggles coming from the doctor and Carter as they moved on down the corridor. He'd been set up, he just knew it. Oh well, if it got a smile out of Sam then he could endure a little poking and prodding.

Jack moved mindlessly down the corridor, his body on autopilot. He understood and appreciated that the General wanted to go to bat for him and save him from an investigation and hearing into Turner's death. He understood everything the General had been trying to tell him...that it hadn't been his fault...that he was as much a victim as all the others...but...

_'...but...it WAS my fault.' _Those he'd loved had suffered...had died...all because of him. But Hammond didn't want to hear that. Well, whether he listened or not wouldn't change the facts.

_'God, I hate Turner for everything he did and I know it couldn't have gone down any other way but...I can also understand how messed up his mind became. Hell, I just barely survived four months as a POW with all the torture they put me through...Turner suffered far worse and for far longer.' _

He couldn't make them see what was so clear to him...Turner's own brand of justice had only added to the list of people hurt because of him...his hands, already covered in blood, now had even more blood on them. He didn't know how he could live with his guilt. Couldn't they see? He didn't need the world trying to make it easier for him. It was time for him to step up to the plate and finally take responsibility so that those around him wouldn't have to continue to pay the price. Hammond wouldn't listen and neither would anyone else.

If one more person told him that he just needed to take some time off..._'step back and get a better perspective on things'…_he just might deck them.

But that wasn't his priority now...Carter was. Right now he just wanted to get his checkup over and done with so he could go find Sam and get her out of the mountain. He hoped to find Doc still giving Carter the once over.

Still lost in his own thoughts as he turned into Janet's office, Jack was caught completely off guard finding Dixon as the only occupant, sitting at Janet's desk, somewhat lost in his own thoughts. Expecting to see Janet, Jack could read the surprise on Dixon's face when he looked up to find him at the door.

"If you're looking for Doc, she should be back in a minute," Dixon answered the question he could tell was on Jack's mind, neither man paying too much attention to the quiet activity of the infirmary.

"Where'd she get off to? I thought she'd still be checking Carter." Jack's frustration came through as he dropped into one of the infirmary's uncomfortable, molded-plastic visitors' seats in her office.

Reading Jack's defeated body language, Dixon moved to close Janet's office door, not wanting his next words to be overheard by those in the other room.

"She just needed a few minutes to pull herself back together. This whole 'Turner' thing has opened up a lot of old wounds for her, too," Dixon said, sitting down next to Jack. "I know she's been doing her best 'doctor in charge and nothing gets to me' routine but she's still got a lot of unresolved shit left over from Sahara. And she knows you've got enough on your plate without also worrying about her. She never wants to draw attention to herself, you know that. She wouldn't do it back then and she won't do it now. She's much better at hiding it all away...punishing herself by cutting herself off from us."

That made no sense to Jack. "I don't know what you're talking about, Dix. I just saw Doc in the briefingand she was fine. A little tired like the rest of us, maybe...but she wasn't falling apart. And she knows I never blamed her for Sahara. She's got nothing to feel bad about. There was nothing she, or anyone else, could've done."

Dixon met Jack's confused expression, only this time he doubted it was an act. He knew Jack had been so wrapped up in his own feelings and his worries about Sam that he hadn't seen how much Janet was hurting as well. And, of course, the little _Napoleonic_ needle pusher worked hard to keep people from seeing her pain. He was sure he was probably the only one who'd seen how hard this had been for her.

"She's more than just 'Doc', Jack. She's also Janet and Janet hurts and Janet cries...and Janet blames herself...no matter what you say. You don't have the monopoly on guilt, you know." Getting comfortable, Dixon felt it was about time he clued Jack in on a few 'home truths' that he may have missed over the years.

"Don't know if you were in any condition back then to notice, but Janet was the first one to break away after Sahara. She was the first one to become 'self destructive', as Sue called it. While you guys all turned to Black Ops, taking every dangerous mission that came your way, Janet did the same in her own way. She didn't think she deserved to be a part of us anymore so she took up with that asshole she later married...didn't think she deserved any better. Did you know he used to beat her...even before they got married? You should've seen the condition she was in by the time I found her. He almost killed her and she just took it." Just thinking about that bastard was enough to make Dixon's blood boil. If he'd had his way he'd have killed him on the spot but, for Janet's sake, he'd turned and walked away. It was the hardest thing he'd ever done. Before he could add any more, Jack's pained voice broke in.

"Oh god, one more name to add to my list...one more person who's had to suffer because of me," Jack whispered, his shoulders sagging even more under their heavy weight as he buried his face in his hands and fisted his short, military, gray hair. Would there ever be an end to the pain and suffering he'd cause?

"As much fun as you seem to be having wallowing in self pity and blaming yourself for everything short of global warming, we both know better. It's so much easier to blame yourself because it makes you feel like you have some control...that if you could've..." Dixon's hands waved about, encompassing everything before he continued, "...things would be different." He tried to explain, but nothing was ever easy with this stubborn Irishman.

"_But it WAS all my fault. Everything! Sahara, Sara, Sam, and now Janet. I left him behind. I started all this. But THEY paid the price!"_ Jack practically shouted at him, no longer able to contain his rage.

"You were a soldier, Jack," Dixon replied in his most calming voice, pointing out what Jack already knew but seemed determined not to apply to himself. "You went where you were told and did what you were told, just like the rest of us. You were the best man for the mission. It wasn't the first time and it sure as hell wasn't the last. How many times in our careers have we had to make the same call...to send the 'best man' out to do a job, knowing what it might cost him? The only thing you need to ask yourself is _'were you the best man for the mission and did you get the job done?'_" Not sure if his words had gotten through, Dixon had said everything he could; the rest would be up to Jack.

"Well, the cost was too high this time," Jack let him know, feeling the weight settle on his shoulders.

"It was _WAR_, Colonel…the cost is always too high," was Dixon's quiet, emotionless reply as their eyes met in silent communication at the price they and many others had paid. There wasn't much Jack could say; he'd been a soldier all of his adult life, he understood the truth of Dixon's words, even if they were hard to accept. But before his brain had time to formulate any kind of reply, Dixon continued.

"Look, Jack, like it or not, you can't change what's happened, but..." Dix paused to be sure he had Jack's complete attention. "…you can do something about the present. Sam needs you...she needs you to be everything she's depended on all these years, not wallowing in your own self-pity.She doesn't need your guilt on top of everything else.

"I think you're spending way too much time on McKenzie's couch. You're starting to sound like him. The next thing you're gonna tell me is I like blond-haired, blue-eyed women because they remind me of Sahara," Jack joked, hoping to ease some of the tension that had descended.

"Me sound like McKenzie? Hardly!" Dix said with a shudder of disgust at the very thought. "More like sounding like Sue would be my guess. And as for your taste in women, correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't it the same even before Sahara came to live with you? You've always had a thing for blue-eyed blonds. Oh, and speaking of my lovely wife," Dixon threw over his shoulder with a smile as he left Jack to his misery, hoping something he'd said would make a difference, "She told me to tell you…and I quote…'to get off your sorry ass and stop wallowing in self pity…only pigs wallow'."

_To Be Continued..._


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

Sam leaned against her door, allowing her head to fall back, and breathed a long sigh of relief as she heard the lock finally click into place. She'd held such a tight rein on her emotions since Joe Turner's revelations, so afraid she'd fall apart in front of everyone, she just didn't think she could handle that...especially not in front of the Colonel. But now that she was home all she felt was numb. She felt like a sleepwalker...nothing felt real...she felt like she was only a spectator to her life as she moved about her house, waiting for the floodgates holding her emotions back to open, letting all of her tightly held pain and anger to come pouring out.

She was pulled out of her trance-like state by pounding on her front door. She wondered where she was and how she'd gotten there, feeling slightly disoriented. She had no idea how much time had passed, norhow much time she'd spent just staring into space as her bath water cooled around her and the calming fragrance of her candles filled the room…nor, for that matter, when she'd even gotten in the tub. Bundling herself in the thick, over-sized terry bathrobe that had been hanging in her bathroom, she padded dripping wet and barefoot through the house, not even registering the darkness that had descended since her arrival.

Fear was starting to gnaw at Jack's insides. He knew Sam was home. He'd seen her prized Volvo parked haphazardly in the garage behind her house. He'd meant to get here sooner, not wanting her to be alone after everything that had happened today. He could see the effect the day was having on her...her constant struggle to bury her emotions, more worried about him, not wanting to add to his guilt, so sure that her logical mind could handle it all with her usual quiet detachment. But he knew that wasn't the answer. This wasn't one of her lab experiments, all of those messy emotions would have to come out and, even though he was probably the last person she'd want to see her pain, he didn't want it to be anyone else. He didn't know what kind of shape he'd find her in but he wanted to be there for her, regardless.

It had taken him longer than he'd planned to get out of the mountain, though it had been time well spent. Dix had reminded him of a few things he'd forgotten. It hadn't taken all his guilt away, but it might, eventually, make it something he could live with. For Sam's sake, he would put his guilt aside for now...it was the least he could do. And Dix had also opened his eyes to just how much Janet was going through.

Janet and he had finally broached the subject of Sahara, which had been long overdue. When she'd come back to the office a short time after Dix had left, he'd searched her face, trying to see the truth of everything Dix had said. He'd always thought he was the master at hiding his emotions but Doctor Janet Frasier easily put him to shame. It had taken quite a bit of prodding but he'd finally gotten her to open up to him. He now knew a little of what she'd suffered, how much guilt she'd been carrying around. He was no good at the whole 'talking thing' but sometimes it was needed and he felt better now that he was at least aware of how she felt. They still had a long way to go, but at least they'd made a start. Maybe in time they'd find some measure of peace and lay to rest some of the guilt they'd carried around all these years. At least now that he'd been made aware of all that Janet had gone through, he would no longer take their friendship for granted, and he wouldn't let her distance herself again as she had after Sahara.

Now if it would only go as smoothly with Sam. There was so much he wanted...no, needed…to say to her. But, even after sitting in the park across from her house for the past hour, he hadn't been able to figure it out. He didn't know how he could possibly ask for her forgiveness, but he knew he had to try.

He was starting to get really worried though; she wasn't answering her door. He could feel his panic rising. Nightmare images of all the things that could be wrong assaulted him. Of course, it could always be that she just didn't want to see him...that she _did_ blame him and just couldn't bear to see him. He didn't know what he would do if she refused to open the door. As much as he dreaded seeing her tear-stained face knowing he was the cause, he knew he couldn't leave without knowing she was at least okay, even if that meant being okay without him.

"Sam, please..." he pleaded, calling to her over and over again and still not hearing any movement inside her completely dark house. Before he could say more he heard the lock release and looked up into Sam's very surprised face.

"Sir?!?" Sam gasped, staring open-mouthed at him, somehow seeming surprised to find him on her doorstep even after all the noise he'd made.

All the things he'd wanted to say to her escaped him now that he was face to face with her. He was sure it showed on his face since all he could do was stare back at her.

Fumbling for something to say to break the awkward silence, Jack stuffed his fist in his jeans pocket and rocked on the balls of his feet. "Can I come in?" He stumbled over his words, still not sure if she'd want to see him. "I...I just wanted to see you...make sure you were okay."

He was surprised when her only reaction was to turn and retreat back into her house, leaving him to follow. His guilt continued to eat away at him and he feared he'd been right…she didn't want to see him...she did blame him. But there was something more, something nagging away at him that he couldn't put his finger on. Trailing her down the dark hall, he found her huddled on her sofa, knees drawn tight to her chest, shaking slightly. Draping his leather jacket over the back of a chair, he moved on into her kitchen, offering to make her a cup of tea to help warm her. Returning with her tea and a beer for himself, he dropped into the chair across from her, taking in her overall appearance as she slowly sipped the soothing brew.

Some sixth sense he had about her had triggered his alarm even before she'd answered the door. As much as he'd dreaded seeing her tear-streaked face, red nose and watery, red-rimmed eyes...dreaded seeing the evidence of the suffering that Joe Turner's misplaced revenge against him had cost her…now that he was facing her, he knew that what he was seeing now was much worse. He knew her well...after all of these years of serving together, of seeing the best and the worst of each other, he knew her well enough to be able to tell she'd shed no tears since returning home. And that worried him more because that meant that, not only was she trying to hide her emotions from him, she was also hiding them from herself. And now that he'd noticed that, his eyes caught many other seemingly unimportant details, details that spoke volumes about her state of mind, details few who didn't know her so well would see. And it broke his heart to see her suffering the consequences of his actions from all those years ago.

She seemed to have zoned out since letting him in. He doubted she was even aware he was in the room. She was still wet from the bath he'd obviously interrupted. The moisture on her skin slowly soaked into the large, terry robe she had pulled loosely around her, loosely enough that he could tell she wore nothing else as she continued to stare into the darkness of the room.

"So...Carter. How are you holding up?" Jack finally ventured to break the silence.

She nearly jumped out of her skin as she blinked rapidly and refocused on her surroundings enough to answer him. "Fine, Sir, I'm fine."

That was such an automatic answer from her. She was anything but fine and Jack knew it, seeing her balled up in his robe that he'd left in her bathroom only yesterday, its large size only making his strong, independent, self-reliant Major look even more fragile and vulnerable. Before his mind could even register what his body was doing, he'd moved and joined her on the sofa, abandoning his untouched beer on the end table and dragging her into his arms with his trademark 'C'mere'.

He could tell she was in shock, but it was more than that and it was starting to scare him.

"Talk to me, Sam." Pushing her back to arms-length, Jack studied her emotionless face. His eyes searched her face, trying to find answers.

Trying not to meet his eyes, Sam didn't want him to read the things she was sure showed on her face. She didn't know how to answer him...didn't know what she felt...didn't know how she was supposed to feel. Again her brain didn't seem to want to cooperate...it didn't seem to know where to start in sorting through all of her conflicting emotions. She knew intellectually that all that had happened today, everything they'd learned, didn't really make any difference. Now she had a name for her attacker, knew his reasoning, but so what? It didn't really change anything, didn't magically fix everything that had happened to her. She had already come to terms with everything he'd done to her. She'd moved on...was even better in some ways. She and Jack still had a lot of unanswered questions between them, but at least they were questions they were finally willing to ask.

"Come on, Sam, talk to me," Jack begged again. He could see the struggle she was having. She was always such a 'good li'l soldier'...'never show weakness'...'never let 'em see you cry'...'suck it up and move on'…and all those other wonderful clichés the military had taught her to keep her fighting. But now the fight was over. He didn't know how to get her to let it all out.

Taking a deep breath and trying to pull herself together, all she could come up with was her same, old, tried and true line. "I'm fine, Sir. Maybe a little tired. I just need get some rest."

"Like hell you are. You're miles away from 'fine' Sam. Miles. Or didn't you think I'd notice just how messed up you are right now? Like how surprised you were that it was me at your door. You had to have heard me calling you! Or the fact that you haven't turned on a single light in your house. Do you even realize we're sitting in the dark? Or that you're sitting here dripping wet in nothing but my bathrobe? You're in shock, Sam, and that's understandable, but you're also trying to bury all your feelings like you think that'll make them all go away. And you know as well as I do that won't work...or at least you knew it yesterday. What happened to the woman who left this house this morning saying we'd face this head on? We were gonna handle this together, Sam, and now you're acting like none of it happened. I know you Sam. You think you're protecting me by hiding what you're going through, but you're not. If you really want to help me, then let me in...let me be there for you...don't hide from me. We're a team, Sam, we help each other. This is no different. It's the only way we're gonna get through this. Together."

Jack's was practically pleading with her as his eyes continued to search her face closely for any sign that he might be getting through to her. If he hadn't been so close and so focused on Sam's face, he might have missed that one split second when her true feelings sneaked past the impenetrable mask she wore. But he had seen it and, in that one instant, it all fell into place for him. What he saw wasn't pain and suffering...it was total confusion, which was a very novel look on Sam. Sam, who could plot planetary drift in her head and re-write the laws of physics, ground to a complete halt when it came to understanding her own feelings.

"You're not hiding your feelings. You don't know what you feel, do you?" It was a question but, as Jack voiced it, somehow it came out more as a statement of fact. He could see the truth of his statement in Sam's face, as he continued to hold onto her shoulders and stare into her eyes.

"Sam. Talk to me, Baby. Let me help you. Or would you rather have this discussion with McKenzie? You heard Janet. If we can't work this out she'll have no choice but to send us to him. We can't be cleared for active duty until we've worked through all of this. For both our sakes, please let me in." He knew it was a low blow, threatening her with McKenzie, but nothing else seemed to be working.

Looking deeply into his eyes, her voice was pleading with him to give her the answers, answers for which she'd been searching but hadn't been able to find within herself. "Why is this so hard?" Stumbling along, trying to put into words the way she felt, she continued, "I mean, in my head I know nothing really happened today that changes anything for me. So what, now I have a name for my attacker...I have a reason why, but it doesn't change what he did to me. So why does it feel like it does?"

That one little crack in her armor was all it took to open the floodgates that she'd held so tight. She buried her face in Jack's chest and her hands gripped his shirt. Jack could feel her body begin to shake and hear her great, heaving sobs as it all started pouring out of her.

But just as fast as it had started, she quickly pulled away from him, embarrassment very evident on her face as she scrubbed her tears away and apologized for breaking down. "I'm so sorry, Sir. I shouldn't have...you're going through enough without me dumping all of this on you, too. I don't know what came over me. I guess I'm more exhausted than I thought. I just need to get some rest." She was babbling and she knew it. She wasn't even able to meet his eyes for the shame she felt. He had enough guilt without her adding her baggage to the load he was already carrying.

Before she could pull completely away from him and bury her emotions again, Jack pulled her back into his arms. He wasn't going to let her hide away anymore. He'd meant it earlier when he'd said that helping her would ease some of his own guilt. He still wanted to be there for her, but she was also right; this day had taken its toll on her. She would never have broken down so easily if she had had any energy reserves left. Her struggle to hold back her emotions had left her exhausted. He could see it in the dark circles under her eyes, the tension and stress holding her body taut even as he held her close.

He was glad now he'd taken Janet's advice, slipping a mild sedative into her tea. It wasn't long before he felt her body begin to slowly relax and her breathing even out. Catching her cup before it could fall, he placed it on the table at his elbow before scooping her into his arms and moving down the hallway to her bedroom.

Tucking her in, he brushed the hair back from her face and placed a light kiss on her forehead, before dimming the lights and leaving her to get some much-needed rest. As much as he wanted to share her bed, to hold her in his arms and protect her, he was afraid that the day's events might have changed the fragile new relationship they had begun over the weekend. He opted instead for her sofa so that he would still be nearby if she needed him.

Sleep did not come easy, however, and he spent a good portion of the night going over everything that had happened over the last few weeks. He knew they had a long, hard road ahead of them. He could only hope that somehow they could walk it together.

Not even aware he'd finally fallen asleep, he was jolted awake by Sam's terrified screams. Rushing to her room, he found her twisted and wrapped up in her bed sheets as she continued to struggle and fight, held in the tight grip of a nightmare. His body on auto pilot, he found himself in Sam's bed, rocking her and whispering quiet reassurances that she was safe and that he was there to help and protect her. Finding the comfort and security she needed in his arms, she calmed down, drifting back into a deep sleep, still holding tightly on to his shirt.

The following morning, Sam felt more refreshed than she had in a very long time as she slowly opened her eyes on a new day. Recognizing her bedroom, she couldn't remember actually going to bed. As her mind tried to piece together the events of the evening, the last thing she could remember was breaking down in the Colonel's arms. Her body tensed as the memory left her feeling embarrassed and ashamed. And that was when she registered the weight across her abdomen and the hand rubbing soothing circles on her stomach.

"Relax Sam, I've got you. Everything's gonna be alright," Jack assured her, as he felt her body tense next to his. She'd slept so peacefully in his arms up until that point. It would seem that his presence had kept her nightmares away, just as her presence had kept his own at bay. But he'd known the moment she'd awoken, not surprised to feel her tensing up. He had no doubt she'd feel embarrassed about her emotional outburst of the night before, but he had no intention of allowing her to withdraw back into herself in the cold light of day. Her peaceful sleep in his arms had proven to him that she did need his help. It had also proven he needed her just as much.

He'd known it wouldn't be easy for them to learn to open up to each other but he was determined he would try. After a light breakfast and a few rough starts, Jack had convinced Sam to take him up on his offer of spending some time with him at his cabin. They had two weeks of downtime before they had to visit McKenzie and he planned to make good use of it. They would spend the first week alone, talking and doing anything else they wanted, before Daniel and Teal'c joined them for the second week.


	29. Chapter 29

**Title: **Silenced Screams

**Author:** Zhaan

**Email:** Season Seven

**Rating:** NC-17

**Spoiler:** None

**Category:** Romance/Angst/Drama

**Pairings:** Sam/Jack, some Daniel/Janet, others

**Summary:** Painful memories from Jack's Black Op days resurface. He must find a way to protect the one he loves and deal with his anguish and pain.

**Disclaimer:** Sadly they are not mine, more's the pity. They belong to others. I'm just playing with them, I promise to put them back when I'm finished. I only own this story, which isn't much

**ARCHIVE:** SJD, Yes. S/J NC17 Fanfic Archive, Fan fiction, any and all others are more than welcome to it. Just drop me a line so that I can come visit it.

**Author's Note:** Here we go folk...finally the last chapter. Again a very, very special thank you to my wonderful beta Sue. I could not have finished this without all of her help. Any remaining problems are entirely my fault. Thanks so much for reading.

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

Over the first few days at the cabin they'd worked towards helping each other come to grips with all that had happened, helping each other to heal, helping each other to move past this terrifying ordeal, both trying to understand how they felt about what they'd gone through. And, with only a few bumps along the road, they had managed to broach most of the issues they needed to deal with. Jack was eternally thankful there were no neighbors for miles around, however, because some of their bumps had turned into very loud shouting matches.

But, in the end, they had managed to work through most of the issues McKenzie would be evaluating them on for their fitness to return to duty. They certainly weren't over it, by any means, especially Sam, but they were handling it. There had been lots of tears, followed by lots of hugs, and there would probably be a lot more. But at least they were beginning to open up to each other…which was hard for both of them…talking things through, being there for each other, trying to sort out in their hearts and minds how they both really felt about everything and the best way to deal with what they had both been through. And they were doing it together.

But now, here he was, lying alone in his bed. Jack couldn't help feeling a little bit uneasy as he lay staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom. Strange how he hadn't noticed the chipped paint in the far corner and he'd been here for a week, sleeping in this room every night. Maybe he'd get around to a few repairs some time during the following week. The guys would be arriving some time tomorrow; he'd get them to help.

He'd hoped that during their time alone Sam would give him some sign that she'd forgiven him enough to still want the fragile relationship they'd begun. Even though she'd spent every night in his bed, they had done nothing but sleep. The first couple of nights she'd gone to her own room but nightmares had ripped her from her sleep. It seemed that only in his arms could she feel safe...only he could keep the nightmares at bay. But he wouldn't take advantage of that situation. The decision on the direction of their fledgling relationship had to be hers. And, so far, her decision had not been in his favor.

He'd been caught completely off guard when she'd changed their nightly routine and told him that she'd be sleeping in her own bed tonight. That, as nice as it had been, they both knew that the arrangement couldn't last and that now was as good a time as any to start getting adjusted to reality.

They knew that it couldn't be that easy but if she was going to fall apart...when she fell apart…she'd like to have as few witnesses as possible. Besides, it had to start some time. But right about now all Jack could feel was loneliness. He'd never realized just how big his bed was before. He'd never felt so alone or so ill at ease here. He refused to make the rounds and check the doors and windows one more time. He'd already done that three times. It wasn't the security of the house that had him on edge, it was the security of having Sam nearby that he missed so much. He could already tell this was going to be a very long night. Refusing to become that pathetic, he pulled his covers tighter and willed himself to sleep.

Sam lay across the hall from him, having pretty much the same thoughts as he. Their current sleeping arrangement had been her idea but right now she was seriously questioning its wisdom. It was almost 03:00 and none of her tricks seemed to be working; she was still wide awake and showed no signs of that changing before daybreak. And why was it that every sound that had been so soothing to her all week now had her almost jumping out of her skin? But she refused to get up again. She'd already gone to the bathroom once and gone for water twice. She would not be this pathetic. She was a Major in the US Air Force, for goodness sake. She should be able to sleep alone. Snuggling down in her bed and squeezing her eyes tightly shut and vowing to keep them that way at least until morning, she fought every instinct in her body and promised herself she would get at least a few hours of sleep.

Not consciously aware of the cause, Sam suddenly found herself bounding up in bed as she searched in the dark, trying to identify the sound she'd heard. Waiting several minutes but not hearing anything, she was just lying back down when she heard the sound again. Rushing from her bed and into Jack's room, she found him tangled up in his bed sheets, soaking wet, as he fought off unseen demons in his nightmare. Without stopping to think about what she was doing, she was beside him in an instant. Unable to wake him, all she could do was hold him and whisper her assurance that he was all right and that she was there for him as he continued to tremble and mutter unintelligibly. Burying his face in her chest and mumbling, "I'm all right...I'm all right...just a dream...just a dream," he was finally able to calm down. It was long minutes before he could fight his way back from the dark place his nightmares had held him. Feeling embarrassed and ashamed as he realized he was holding on to Sam like she was his lifeline, he pulled away, unable to even meet her eyes. But Sam had no intention of allowing him to pull away from her and bury his emotions, any more than he'd been willing to allow her.

Sam's quiet laughter broke the struggle he was putting up to disentangle himself from her and his covers. "We're quite a pair, you and I. Have you been having nightmares this whole time?" Sam asked as she finally allowed him a little space.

All he could do was nod, still too embarrassed to say anything.

"And here I was thinking I was being a burden on you, needing you close to keep away my bad dreams..." Her sentence trailed off as Jack's eyes finally locked with hers, seeing the truth of what she was saying.

"I need you as much as you need me, Sam. I just didn't want to lay anything else on you. You already had enough. The last thing you needed was all of my baggage, too," Jack confessed.

"Maybe if I had some of your baggage I wouldn't have felt so much like I was dumping all of mine on you," Sam tried to explain.

Jack felt himself getting lost in the depth of her blue eyes as understanding began to dawn. It couldn't be that simple. It couldn't be that all they'd needed to do was to open up to each other to find what he'd feared was lost to them. But, as he watched, spellbound, as her head slowly lowered to his, he began to believe. Meeting her halfway, his arms came around her, holding her tight to his body as his mouth slowly made love to hers. Their tongues dueled for dominance as their kiss became more passionate, as the hunger he'd held under such tight control all week managed to break free. He'd wanted her and now it would seem that she'd wanted him just as much. Finally coming up for some much-needed air, he had to be sure that this really was something she wanted.

"Sam, are you sure? I mean, we don't..." he began, but found his words swallowed up as Sam's lips joined with his again in a searing kiss that left no room for doubt in his mind. It was long minutes before either was able to think or speak again.

Jack had forgotten how much he loved kissing Sam, how much he loved the feel of her soft skin under his wandering hands. Sometimes it was hard to believe that his tough-as-nails, no-nonsense Major could also be this soft and sensual Samantha. But, as much as he loved kissing her, right now he desperately needed to get his hands on more of her soft, sensual skin. Sam must have been having the same thoughts as he was because they began to attack each other's clothes. It wasn't long before they were both back in each other's arms with every possible inch of skin touching.

With the evidence of Jack's arousal pressed tightly between their bodies, Sam couldn't wait to feel Jack inside her again. It seemed like it had been a lifetime since they'd been together and she didn't think she could bear to wait any longer.

"Please, Jack, I need you. **Now.**Make love to me," Sam begged, as Jack trailed a line of wet kisses from her lips to that secret place he knew would drive her wild.

His slow exploration of her body was driving her crazy. But no amount of pleading and begging was getting her what she most wanted. As her fingers played through his short, silky strands, trying without success to guide him to where she needed him, Jack's mouth finally latched onto one of her breasts. She had become so hypersensitive that her body arched completely off the bed as her climax ripped through her body, setting every nerve ending on fire as he sucked the nipple into his mouth and threatened it with the pressure of his teeth.

Jack could think of nothing more beautiful than watching Sam fall apart from his touch. Her body had arched so much that he feared she would break her back as she continued to ride the waves of her release. He was still amazed at just how responsive her body was to him; he hadn't even begun to make love to her and already she'd had a powerful orgasm from just his mouth on her breast. He couldn't wait to see what she would do once he was inside her.

Stroking his day-old beard over her stomach as he covered her still-quivering flesh in soothing and calming kisses, he held on, grounding Sam as she slowly came back down to earth. As she slowly became aware of her surroundings, Jack felt Sam pulling on his hair, trying to pull him back up to her. Giving in to her wishes, he crawled back up her body, leaving a wet trail of kisses in his wake until he'd finally reached her mouth again. He wasn't very good with words but he poured everything he felt for her into his kisses as his tongue sought out every sweet hiding place in her mouth. Their tongues dueled, slipping and sliding against each other before retreating back into his mouth as he sucked on the strong muscle. Finally needing to come up for air, Jack rested his head on Sam's shoulder, covering it in hungry kisses as he fought to gain some control.

Sam felt like her body was still on fire, her need even greater than before. She needed to feel Jack moving inside her, but no amount of begging and pleading seemed to change what he had planned. Reaching down between their bodies where she could feel the evidence of his own arousal pulsing, she wrapped her small hand around as much of his shaft as she could manage and began to squeeze and stroke him, spreading the drops of precum that were weeping out.

"Please, Jack, I need to feel you inside me," Sam pleaded as she guided him to her entrance. But, before she could succeed in her quest to have him inside her, Jack's hands wrapped around her smaller one, dragging it off to her side as he fought to hold back the release that had been threatening to erupt even before her touch.

Sam could feel his whole body trembling as he fought for control. He held his breath as he fought back the tides, not wanting this to end too soon.

"Not yet, Baby," Jack whispered in her ear, turning his head slightly where he had it buried in her shoulder. Baring his teeth and biting into her shoulder, his body began to relax. His warm breath puffed over her ear, setting even more of her nerve endings ablaze as he continued to whisper.

"I won't last long inside you, Baby. I need you too much." Jack's arms pulled her tight to his body as he tried to explain just how close he was. "I want to make this last, but I need you so much." Pulling back slightly and staring deep into her passion-glazed eyes, he tried to make her understand all the things he couldn't put into words.

"I need you so much," was all he could get out, repeating it over and over again as his hand idly brushed the hair back from her face.

Spreading her legs even wider, opening herself completely to cradle his hips better, Sam locked her long legs around Jack's waist. Her fingers combed through his spiky, gray strands as she began to massage his scalp, hoping that simple ritual would bring him some of the control he sought.

"Don't hold back, Jack. We'll have plenty of time for slow and easy later. Right now I want to...need to feel you lose control. I need you to show me that you don't see me any differently because of everything that's happened. Make me feel it, Jack, please."

Sam's plea was the final straw; he couldn't hold back any longer. He'd so much wanted to take her hard and fast, but he'd been thinking solely of her, wanting to make it special for her, to show her how much he loved her. But now her words had given him permission to take her as he wanted, to lose control, to lose himself in her. No way did he see her any differently now and, if this was the way he could prove it to her, all the better.

"I could never see you any differently, Baby, no matter what. You're the strongest, bravest, most beautiful woman I've ever known," Jack tried to reassure her as he pulled back, feeling himself sliding through her slick folds. He remembered how tight she'd been the last time and would never forgive himself if he hurt her in any way. He could feel her body quivering as it prepared to receive him. Holding his breath and praying for enough control not to force his way in too fast, he positioned himself at her entrance, pushing only the head into her very tight channel.

His breath exploded from his chest as he almost blacked out from the sweet grip she had on him. "Oh god, Baby, you're so tight. Am I hurting you?" He could feel her muscles fluttering around his length as he pushed in deeper and deeper. Her sweet moans turned into ear-piercing screams as her body fought to accommodate him, and Jack hesitated.

"No, no. It's okay. Don't stop, please, don't stop. I'm okay, I'm fine. Please don't stop!" He was glad to hear that because he really wasn't sure he'd be able to stop at this point. Her screams finally turned to whimpers as he pushed in the last few inches. More for himself than for her, Jack held still once he felt her opening fluttering snuggly around the base of his shaft. As Sam spread her legs even wider and wriggled, he felt himself slide in even deeper.

"OHGOD!!! SHIT!!! Don't move, please. I swear I'm gonna blow. Not yet...not yet," he continued to chant, fighting to hold out just a little longer. He tried every trick he'd learned during his life to beat back his release...hockey stats...Hammond naked...dead puppies…but nothing seemed to work, until he felt her soothing hands stroking through his hair once again, soothing his nerves and calming his needs.

Slowly he pulled out, leaving only the head inside her. Then, just as slowly, checking Sam was okay, he pushed his way back home. Feeling more in control and wanting this to be just as good for Sam as it was for him, he set a slow but powerful pace, pulling almost all the way out before thrusting back in with all of the force he could leverage with his toes planted and digging into the mattress. He could feel Sam's squeals vibrating through her chest and into his with each downward stroke as he crushed her clit between their pubic bones each time. He could feel that she was close; each time he found and hit her G-spot he could feel her back arch off the bed and her muscles fighting to pull him in even deeper.

Wanting to hold on to this moment for as long as possible, he gathered Sam in his arms and rolled them, catching her completely off guard as she found herself now above him. One hand came up to urge her to move, while his other hand came up to pull and twist first one breast then the other, each pull sending a spike of pleasure straight to her clit and pushing her on faster and harder as she rode him. He could see the sweat pooling and running down her chest even as his cooled and dried. He had held out far longer than he'd thought he'd be able to but now it was time to finish, to give them both the release they sought.

Reaching up and wrapping his arms around her waist, Jack pulled Sam down to lie on his body. "Hold on, Baby. Let me take care of you," Jack warned as he sat up, taking Sam with him and continuing on over until he had her lying on her back with her head at the foot of his bed. Looping her legs over his arms and spreading her as wide as possible, he moved his hands up to her shoulders, tilting her pelvis up for maximum penetration. He could feel her hands playing with his chest hairs then attacking his tiny nipples before she was forced to wrap her arms around his back and hold on as he pounded into her. This new position allowed him to sink even deeper. He could feel himself lodging behind her cervix with each thrust, hitting her G-spot each time. With only a few strokes Jack could feel Sam's walls constrict, locking him in a pulsing death grip, pushing him over the edge, milking every drop of semen from him as they both exploded together, her screams matching his.

He couldn't be sure if one or both of them had passed out but, when he came back to himself, he had Sam cuddled in his arms, her head resting on his chest and her hand back to playing with his chest hairs. They just lay there together for a while, neither saying anything. He didn't know if that was a good thing or not.

"Hey. Are we okay? You're not having second thoughts about this, are you?" He pulled her head back so that he could look into her eyes, so that he'd be able to read the truth of her answer.

"We're more than okay, Jack. And I could never regret being with you." Sam had sensed something was bothering him as she had lain there in his arms; she had felt him starting to tense up. But she knew that with Jack he would have to talk with her about it in his own time. To try to force it before he was ready would only make him pull further away from her. She was pretty sure that that was what had been bothering him and, planting several kisses on his chest, she hoped she'd laid those worries to rest now.

Jack placed another kiss on the top of her head and pulled her closer. "We'd better get some sleep; the guys will be here in a few hours."

"Jack, what happens to us when we go back?" Sam asked, barely above a whisper, almost afraid to voice the question for fear of the answer.

"We work this out...do what we have to do to be together," Jack answered with confidence.

"That easy? We just work it out?" As reassuring as his words were, they did nothing to calm her fears.

"That easy. I'm not giving you up, Sam. I've waited almost seven years. Now that I've got you, I'm not gonna let anything stand in the way of us being together." Sam desperately wanted to believe him, but it just couldn't be that easy, not for them.

"But…" Sam began, her logical mind presenting all sorts of stumbling blocks to his promised future. But Jack cut her off before she could voice any of them.

"But nothing. As long as this is what we both want, nothing can stand in our way. It is what you want Sam, isn't it?" Jack asked, as tiny threads of doubt began to overshadow his hopes for the future.

"Yes, you know it is. I want this just as much as you do," Sam rushed to reassure him, not wanting to send him the wrong message because of her fears.

"Then we'll work it out. As long as we have each other, we can do anything."

**THE END**

_or is it only the beginning?????_

_Many, many thanks to everyone who's stuck with me through this long process. Thanks for all of your help, encouragement and very kind words. You have made this a wonderful experience that I will never forget. Thank you so much._

_Remember I'd really love to hear from you...good, bad or otherwise. Thank you for taking the time to read this._

_Zhaan_


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